One and One Make Two.

Hey!
I thought this was very nice, and since everyone else already did a good joy pointing out the mistakes I will just praise your poem.

I loved the uniqueness in the flow and rhythm you used; it made the poem fun to read. I also like poems that follow a strict rhyme pattern, but this was good. I hope to read more of your work!

-Jessa

I really liked the way you made this poem rhyme. I personally just enjoy those types of poems better. I think that overall this was really good. It is short and sweet, well in a sad way of course. My only suggestion is that you get rid of all of your exclamation marks. When I read it, I didn't think that they were necessary. It seemed like it should be calmer type of poem. Oh, and by the way I really liked your title, and how it was your last line. It really tied everything together.

Great work!

Hey, the human Host of Horus here to review.

Red = Corrections
Purple = Suggestions/Questions
Random color = Overall
Maroon = Likes

Out of the corner of my eye,
I see you.
In the depths of my heart,
I need you.
Off the tip of my tongue,
I don't know what to say.
Its hard to talk to you,
But I just can't stay away. I really like the flow and the words. I think the flow could be improved by adding the just in there.

Your voice is smooth as ice,
as you whisper my name.
My pain and suffering won't suffice! Get rid of the exclamation marks. They are not needed, and exclamation marks actually make it seem juvenile. Periods actually do a far better job placing emphasis than exclamation marks.
Your new torture game!
Throwing salt in my wounds!
Ignoring our old past!
I don't know what to do!
But love dries up fast. Again I like the flow.

Ill try not to cry,
as it will make you too.
I'll try to be strong,
because I still love you.
All the pain I've felt,
It's just something you do.
For you, I melt.
But, one and one make two. Again, love it.

thank you guys so much for all the comments! :]

This is amazing! I love how the first lines just get you drawn in. I personally loved it and you obviously have a talent for writing poetry. The title doesn't matter because titles don't have to make sense.
Anyway, I loved this so well done and please inform me when you post more poetry, because I'd be happy to read and review more.

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

First, I don't get the title. I see that it is the same as the last line of the entire poem, but I don't even see how that last line relates to the poem itself. It feels like you just threw it in as an afterthought. Plus that, you're using a lot of exclamation marks (!) which kind of makes this feel like a heavy metal rock band song. I don't know, that's just what I think.

It's a nice concept, but it's just about executing it right.

Yours,
Lavvi

I liked it... It's nice... And I could get what you wanted to say... Overall, a nice piece...

Hello there. I'm Ehte here for the review.

Out of the corner of my eye,
I see you.
In the depths of my heart, From the depths of my heart,
I need you.
Off the tip of my tongue,
I don't know what to say.
Its hard to talk to you, It's hard to talk to you,
But I can't stay away.

[Your voice is smooth as ice,
as you whisper my name.
My pain and suffering won't suffice!
Your new torture game!
Throwing salt in my wounds! Throwing salt on my wounds.
Ignoring our old past! Past is always old. So, old past used together does not sound good. Reword
I don't know what to do!
But love dries up fast.] Good use of imagery in this stanza. I liked it. But the excessive use of exclamation marks is not necessary. It looks a bit odd with a lot of them.

Ill try not to cry, I'll try to cry,
as it will make you too. Doesn't sound good. Reword.
I'll try to be strong,
because I still love you.
All the pain I've felt,
It's just something you do. Leave out the just part.
For you, I melt.
But, one and one make two.

Out of the corner of my eye,
I see you.
In the depths of my heart,
I need you.
Off the tip of my tongue,
I don't know what to say.
Its hard to talk to you, --it should be it's
But I can't stay away.

Your voice is smooth as ice, --love this part
as you whisper my name.
My pain and suffering won't suffice! --good rhyming pattern
Your new torture game!
Throwing salt in my wounds!
Ignoring our old past! --I'd find another adjective here for "past"
I don't know what to do!
But love dries up fast.
Ill try not to cry, I'll, you forgot an <<'>>
as it will make you too.

I'll try to be strong,
because I still love you.
All the pain I've felt,
It's just something you do. --these lines in italics felt a little weak, compared to the rest of the poem.
For you, I melt.
But, one and one make two. --but the ending is perfect. I love how you ended your poem

This poem is amazing.
If only I could have writtern it :l
Anyways I really liked this part:

Out of the corner of my eye,
I see you.
In the depths of my heart,
I need you.
Off the tip of my tongue,
I don't know what to say.
Its hard to talk to you,
But I can't stay away.

Your voice is smooth as ice,
as you whisper my name.
My pain and suffering won't suffice!
Your new torture game!Throwing salt in my wounds!
Ignoring our old past!
I don't know what to do!
But love dries up fast.
Ill try not to cry,
as it will make you too.

I'll try to be strong,
because I still love you.
All the pain I've felt,
It's just something you do.
For you, I melt.
But, one and one make two.

This was really good, I liked it a lot.
I can easily relate to this I loved how it was worded
I think that it rhymed perfectly
I absolutely loved the first 8 lines.
You did a great job  keep writing!!

It's really good, keep rhyming.

This is a pretty good poem although I noticed this:

Your voice is smooth as ice,
as you whisper my name.
My pain and suffering won't suffice!
Your new torture game!
Throwing salt in my wounds!
Ignoring our old past!
I don't know what to do!
But love dries up fast.

Very nice. Personally, I'm just drawn in more to poems if they rhyme. Nicely worded. Keep writing!

This was a really nicely written poem. Something about it was almost imperfect in a way. But it worked. The flow had it's own rhythm. It's what I liked most about it. Your opening stanza was great.

Out of the corner of my eye,
I see you.
In the depths of my heart,
I need you.
Off the tip of my tongue,
I don't know what to say.
Its hard to talk to you,
But I can't stay away (Period here.)

I really like this. I like the way you worded it. And i really like how I can relate.
You're good. Keep writing.