Stranger

Hey! EverWinter here for a review on your sweet poem!

This was so adorable. I absolutely love that you wrote this poem for your daughter (I assume). It progresses well. You go from mother to alone to grandmother (right?) in a very smooth way.

What I'd like to see is more of her being a tween and young adult. Her leaving needs to evoke so much emotion that it hits your readers like a truck.

I've been giving this advise to people all day, but while editing, pick a color that describes your poem. Write as if to paint your poem with that color. Colors are associated with emotion (red is anger, blue can be peace or solemnity) so when you write to color your poem, you write with more emotion than usual. Its a great way to practice.

Next thing, a poem needs to have punctuation. Proper grammar and punctuation help the poem to flow, because you still are trying to tell a story. Right now your poem feels like a giant run on sentence. It turns off a reader. So I'd fix that as soon as possible.

This is such a sweet story, and I'd love for your poem to tell it with more detail and feeling. That would be the goal, to make your readers feel like you did. Have that goal in mind during editing.

Last thing, your title is a little misleading and off. I'd brainstorm ideas for a new title that better represent the story you're trying to tell.

I love this story and your poem! Please let me know if you edit it.

EverWinter

Hi @Fathima97

I am here for a quick review!

Before saying anything let me tell you that it is a really cute poem. It has a very simple theme, yet it is filled with emotions.

"first a stranger so young and weak

knew just to cry for her mother

I feel great to think I raised her

once I found lost in a garbage"

It is has a pretty good starting. You have been able to just capture the feel. But the fourth line "once...garbage" could be better framed. Maybe 'once' can be replaced with 'since' and you can add 'her' between 'found' and 'lost'. It will go like this: "since I found her in a garbage". Just a suggestion, it is up to you keep it the way you want.

Is there a rhyme scheme? Few lines start rhyming and then I just get thrown off. This disturbs the flow of the poem a bit.

But, let me again stress that you have been able to wonderfully capture the feel. I haven't owned a cat in my life. But, your poem just made me feel how it would be like if I did. Keep up the good work.

Keep composing..

Hi, I am here to review your poem
I really loved it because of a personal reason,which is I have a cat myself.Basically we found a completely grown up tabby cat and it ws pregnant.Few months latter there ware three kittens at our door step.Unfortunately two of them were eaten by a tom cat who happened to be their father.( as you must know the nature of tom cats towards their children).So we decided to keep the only kitten that survived and its been living with us for four months now.When two of its brothers died I was extremely sad and depressed, bu the cat that survived made it easier to forget.
So I can relate to you.I don't know what I would pssibly do without my cat around.
Otherwise the poem is different.I have not read such here before.I would say that if you are writing without a rhyme scheme then I suggest you don't put one in between lines suddenly,but I think I quite like it here.