There will be a day,
Where you will be sadder than ever,
Where the storm inside you feels too difficult to weather,
On which the comfort of a warm quilt,
Only amplifies your survivors guilt,
Where the feeling of being able to feel at all
Every tiny sensation, no matter how small,
Break you - while the cars still go by,
The planes still fly,
The sky is still blue,
And the world didn’t stop or lose its hue.
On that day,
Remember that there’s no story to tell without ‘i’,
That you only see the world when you open your eyes,
Forget the world, forget the clock and how fast time can slip by,
There’s no greater meaning to life than to simply be alive.
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139,270 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Heyy, thought I´d leave a short review, so I really liked this, I just love this style of narration. I just gives off that vibe of an old wise man telling stories and fairytales to his grandchildren to prepare them for life (the beginning almost seems autobiographical, as for the narrator, but also the poet). However you could have devided it into parts, so it would read as different verses. With this type of style it just seems like a long, tiring ballad, almost a little singsong-y... Also I think the ending is pretty fast paced, going slower could make the ending punch even harder. The last line is tricky, because I personally don´t like using the word alive in poetry, because the meaning is so relative, as we each define it as something else, that is partly just my more philosophical angle though, which already kind of clashes with the message. I really love the first few lines of the poem, the perspective is also nice, I like being adressed when reading, it is universal on one level, but also personal on another.
Hello, hello! Welcome to YWS! Let's see what you've got here, yeah?
First opinion from reading this is, it's realistic. It doesn't tiptoe around anything, it's straight to the point. It's not my kind of poem, but I liked the feeling of it.
Right of the bat, you went into how someone might feel on a day where they're at their lowest. But then you made a transition on how they can't escape that feeling until they accept themselves and open their eyes.
I liked how you worded everything. The break in stanza's made it feels breathy, like trying to explain a feeling you can't quite understand yourself, and I liked the feeling of that too.
Over all, this is a very beautiful poem, very realistic and to the point. Good job!
I hope you have a wonderful day or night! Keep writing! <3
From a breadthren of the site,
~ Taost
Thank you so much
It is partially why i write, to explain complex emotions, feelings, etc.
AHH! Same!
Except I write to explain by using comparisons and adjectives.
hello hello new person. I usually don't review poems because my brain is not really poem coded but I thought I might as well (mind you I'm running on barely any sleep and some sort of magical energy sent from the dark skies so this review is gonna be...something)
first of all, I think this is a pretty nice poem. yeah and my brain stopped thinking there.
the rhymes are pretty nice and its pretty and cool...yeah. thats all you need to satisfy me when it comes to poems i guess..make it sound nice.
anyway it really is pretty cool and made me feel some way. dont know what way but some way it did. continue to bless me with your poems please. i think therye nice
Thank you!
I have a lot of poetry written, but sharing them in a way that feels meaningful is always rough xP
Oh i get that lmao sharing works isn't exactly easy (find it awfully hard myself but i don't write poems instead novels/short stories)