Rose

Hey, I'm Braiden, and I'm here to review your poem (of course). Also, welcome to YWS! (I don't know if I've been here long enough to be welcoming people but oh welllll.)

Alrighty, let's get to it. First off, I thought this poem was really beautiful, but sad as well, which I'm sure you intended. I love how you put the indention between "Now" and the rest of the third line; I felt like it showed the narrator's confusion at the loss of the love of his/her significant other that was clearly shown before.

You then say:

Yet you gave me hope for the future

Hey there. I'm Jonathan, and I'm here to review your poem! I'll keep this fairly short since it's a fairly short piece of writing. Plus, the very experienced and far more eloquent fortis has gone before me, so... *shrug*.

I'd say that, even though the rose is a cliche, I think you executed it very well. You portray the rose/love as imperfect, as "bitter", as "too / pure and premature", which (although not a new idea) was written in very well.

Two things I'd suggest. Firstly, I love the idea of something being too pure and young to have, but I'm not sure "possess" was the best option here. You don't need that rhyme, and I think that with a word like "clutch" or "hold close", you could have added a bit of personification here, humanizing the rose by changing it into the narrator, if you get my drift. Just a suggestion, by the way-- you can take all of this or leave it. Your choice 100%!

The other thing is cutting out/changing those last two or three lines. I think you did a fairly good job of avoiding cliches, but "I'll be your / rose and you'll be my water" fell a little flat because it's so overdone. It also doesn't really fit with the rest of your ideas, and paints the narrator as (in my eyes) a little childish, yearning for a love that doesn't really exist? I don't know. And I'd clarify if the rose represents you or love.

Anyway. Excellent job. Keep writing.

Jonathan

Hello! Welcome to YWS!

So this is a nice, short, and sweet poem. It's written well, and I like the formatting. I also think that the subject is pretty relatable.
However, the subject is also pretty overused, which makes it rather cliche. You use a pretty cliche image (the rose) with a very cliche subject (love) with not all too cliche phrases. This makes it slightly cross the line my own mind where something becomes cliche. It could just be me though. I have a pretty low tolerance for sappy love poems (which, you cannot deny, this is one), but yet I still like this one. Maybe it's the simplicity and plainness with which you present your emotions, maybe it's because I hadn't heard at least your phrases a million times before.
I'll give you a little rundown of the phrases I think are cliche or awkwardly worded.
"premature to possess" - this is one of those phrases that sounds really awkward to me. It doesn't sound like something a person would normally say.
"so I grab ahold onto this bitter love" this is both awkward (I'm pretty sure "ahold" isn't a word? okay, I just looked it up. It's a word, but it's informal, which doesn't quite fit the mood of the rest of the poem) and cliche. "bitter love" is just one of those phrases I swear I read in every third poem.
"plain glances" - This is weirdly phrased. I think I know what you're trying to say here, but I feel like another word like "unfeeling" or something would work better.

Anyway, I really like the simplicity of the poem and the message behind it.
I hope my review helped. Let me know if you have any questions and Keep writing!
~fortis

This poem is like a fountain of emotions. The oxymoron nature of this piece is truly revealed with the expressed pain and beautiful name. Clearly someone got their heart broken and never got it fixed. All cruel jokes aside, this is a really great poem.

Hey just Mitkay passing by.

Don't take this the wrong way. I like the poem, the third line is really powerful. "Where is the

love that you once professed?" I love it, I love the anger there, you should have kept it going

throughout the poem then kinda make it go away almost at the end of the poem. Plus, it was

too short, I feel like there should have been more. I mean you want people to feel what you feel,

some emotions, anger, regrets but at the same time you want to keep it sweet, you want to

feel hope, to be strong, not like you're crying about it but pouring your heart out. I think if

you were to add to it; it would be really really good. I love it and I feel like you had more to

say. Next time don't hold back just write what you feel, just write, it doesn't matter.

Remember, you want yours readers to feel the pain too, to feel what you feel,unless...

So it was just a bit cornea but then agene if it was a poem that was pretty ok, there were a couple things that could be fixed but other then that its ok. Now keep in mind I am not a professional ok case I don't mean to be hurtful. But from a 1 to 10 I would give this a 4 or 5 but that is better then a 3 right, but I bet if you give it a nother try as in writ a nother thing, it will be even greater so ceep at it and soon you will be amazing ceep it up.