I ride my penny into the street
almost getting hit by a car just isnt enough
so i take it to another level
and hang on to a pickup truck
Soon i fall and get a road rash
so i skate home and put medicine on it
and fall asleep 10 minutes later
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Hi there, Roxy here!
It has potentail, but it was a but of an anticlimax to be honest, I was expecting you to tell me about the thrill of the ride, about the joys and the highs of the danger and how one near death experience isn't enough to stop you riding, I was expecting to be blown away by your overbaring passion, but you just dont really have this here!
I think that this is more of an "outline" for a poem, and now you need to go flesh it out with details, imagry and emotion!
As I said, the piece has got potential, and so have you, so keep building on this and the result will be a fantastic piece!
Keep on writitng!
They poem really does tell the reader how much you love to ride you skateboarding. And that nothing will stop you from riding it cause you enjoy do this so much. From someone (me) who doesn't ride, it sounds kinda dangerous... Ahaha.
Alwell, here is your review. It's going to be short a quick.
I did see some grammar issues, but I didn't see any speeling ones. So, that's good!
"almost getting hit by a car just isnt enough"
I see someone had already pointed this out but, "isnt" you do need and apostrofy in there, making it "isn't" It just looks a bit cleaner.
With your "I"'s, the must always be capitlised when they are on their owm. That will also make it look a bit neater.
I have also notice that you have inconsistanly put a capital letter at the start of the line half-way through. Maybe make them all lower-case or put in a bigger space?
Other then those little things, great work.
And keep up the writing!
~Winter
Black here for a Review day Review!
Okay, so first off I'm going to make a special note and mention that this is a REALLY small piece . . . poetry or novel chapter, it should always be bigger than this . . . this is like only a single stanza.
Second off, this is a very simple nonsense piece . . . That's okay and all, but if you ever want to be good, you have to strive for something hard . . . something that demands ALL of your skills.
The 'isnt' in here needs to have an apostrophe making it 'isn't' . . .
Other than the fact that there is zero punctuation in this piece (You could really use to toss at least a little bit in) that's pretty much everything.
So to recap: Make it bigger, get a theme, get some punctuation, and make sure you kill that one typo!
Keep writing (It's how you get better!)
~Black~
yo penny life is the life
yes dude all the way