residue

Hey dusk! Happy review day! chem here with a review for ya. <3 apologies if it’s not up to my usual standard - i’m coming back to reviewing after some time away :)
First of all, I absolutely adore how you’ve been able to pack so much emotion into such a concise package. Less is more, and you’ve got that in the bag with this one!! I’m especially loving the first stanza.

the morning stuck behind closed blinds,
unmoving, while the ceiling seems to
stretch away from me

You’ve packed such a universal feeling into such few lines!! I love the imagery of a morning “stuck”, as if it will not begin until the narrator sees it. That is beautiful to me, the idea that the day is Schrodinger-esque, not moving until it is seen and acknowledged.
The next two stanzas bring a sense of urgency, a mind both present and not. That’s wonderfully oxymoronic! However, I do wish these were fleshed out a bit more – the second stanza seems almost unfinished. Why are these flowers so grounding for the narrator? Why is the narrator wishing they could stay in the moment? These could definitely be interesting to explore, even if they don’t make it into the final cut. It almost builds investment within your narrator, answering the question of why forgetting could be so valuable for them. Just something to think about!!

stay at the kitchen table
laughing with brothers
and eating breakfast

This fourth stanza carries with it such a sense of domesticity!! It immediately makes me think of family and simplicity of former times. I do notice a slight error with verb agreement, grammatically “stay” should be changed to “staying” to agree with “eating”. Of course, breaking grammar rules can often be used to create a voice, but I think in this one fixing this would make more sense :)
I love the sense of back-and-forth that comes between the italicized stanzas, it definitely reflects the way thoughts go and immerses me.
AND THAT LAST STANZA. It really ties it all up so beautifully!!! That domesticity is now replaced with a longing, a loneliness. It’s absolutely wonderful.
Overall, I so enjoyed reading this! Keep writing!
<3, chem

Hai :3

Ohhh whoa!! I love how this poem sits in that strange place between grief and guilt, where even beauty starts to feel like a betrayal for the speaker. There’s such a heavy stillness here, but it isn’t empty ~~ It feels like the speaker is trapped between wanting to live in the present and feeling morally obligated to keep suffering, as if joy would mean ignorance. That is SUCH a painfully human conflict, and I think you capture it really well!!

the morning stuck behind closed blinds,
unmoving, while the ceiling seems to
stretch away from me

LOVE this opening!!

The morning being “stuck” is such a good way to begin because it makes time feel jammed, like the day is technically happening but the speaker can’t enter it. The ceiling stretching away is also so quietly unsettling!! It gives the room this warped, dissociative feeling, like the speaker is lying there and the world is expanding without them. That image says so much without needing to explain the sadness directly, and it creates a sense of sympathy for your speaker as we learn about their daily routine.

I open the blinds,
but don’t allow my eyes
to rest on the green
and all the flowers outside,
colored within the lines
so perfectly

This is so good!! The speaker opens the blinds, which should be a gesture toward the world, but then refuses to actually look at it. That contradiction is beautiful!! It’s like they’re trying to perform the act of being okay without actually letting themselves receive comfort. “Colored within the lines / so perfectly” is such an interesting phrase, too. It makes the outside world feel almost artificial, too neat, too innocent. Like nature is doing everything right, and that perfection almost becomes unbearable. I love how the flowers aren’t simply pretty here ~~ Like, they become proof of a world that keeps arranging itself beautifully while the speaker feels morally fractured.

That line break after the later line with “forgetting” is so effective, as well, because it lets the word hang there in this uncomfortable way. Forgetting is usually framed as a loss, or even a betrayal, but here it becomes the only possible path toward presence. That tension is amazing!! The speaker wants to be “here now,” but being here requires turning away from something painful, and they can’t decide whether that’s healing or ignorance... Ugh, so good!!

stay at the kitchen table
laughing with brothers
and eating breakfast

This section is so tender!! I love how ordinary it is. The kitchen table, brothers, breakfast, etc. are such warm, lived-in images, and they contrast so strongly with the closed blinds and stretched ceiling. It feels like the speaker is looking at a version of life they could step into, but they can’t fully allow themselves to have yet. The family image makes the poem ache more because happiness is right there, not unreachable, but somehow still inaccessible... That's so painful, and I love how it characterizes the speaker more deeply!!

skipped breakfast
drove without music playing,
and it left space for something
that might not leave

What an ending!!

This is so subtle and haunting ~~ “Drove without music playing” is such a small detail, but it tells us everything about the speaker's state of mind throughout the narrative. The silence becomes an opening, and not necessarily a peaceful one. It lets “something” inL grief, dread, guilt, memory, depression, whatever unnamed heaviness the speaker has been resisting. I love that you don’t name it. “Something / that might not leave” is much scarier and sadder because it stays undefined, hanging over the readers as they finish the poem.

^^^ I wonder if the ending could be pushed just a little more sonically? The thought is already strong, but because the poem has such delicate imagery earlier like blinds, green, flowers, the kitchen table, maybe the final “something” could have one more sensory detail. Does it sit in the passenger seat? Fill the car? Press against the windows? Not necessary, but I think it could make that last feeling of dread more embodied!!

Overall, this is such a beautifully restrained poem, though!! I adore how it refuses melodrama while still being deeply emotional. It exists in such a complicated emotional space, and you handle it with so much care. Good work, FarDusk!! <33

- Payton