E - Everyone

Fieldeyes

Beside the road,
in the fields at night,
two red lights glare—
or are those eyes?
and the metal base—
its willowy legs.

I pass right by,
my thoughts drifting away,
but I wonder,
what other things
watch from the fields?

Comments & reviews · 9
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User avatar
velvetcatsz
Review

hello! catsz here to leave a review (its been so long since ive done one so I hope it goes well ToT) let's dive into it!

Beside the road,
in the fields at night,

This imagery is so suspenseful! It reminds me of like, those dark woods where people go missing 0.o SCARY. Its off to such a good start <3
two red lights glare—
or are those eyes?

AHHHHH! The doubt of the narrator just makes it oh so more eerie. If the narrator is unsure, how could the reader be sure?
It makes us wonder what those red lights actually are-
and the metal base—
its willowy legs.
as dragonight said, that is very unique description. I've never heard of willowy as a descriptive word, and thats so unique to include!
What if it's a scarecrow....COMING ALIVE??? MOVING ON
I pass right by,
my thoughts drifting away,

CLASSIC horror movie thing. Not giving a thought of whats in the field...could it be stalking you...
but I wonder,
what other things
watch from the fields?

I like how you ended it with a question! It's like the narrator is drifting off into thought, and really makes the reader wonder too. What is in the fields...?
Overall this was so suspenseful and built to such a eeriness and it was so fun to read! (This could be a horror movie)
Loved it so much and PLS KEEP WRITING!!
Happy writing!
~catsz :3

User avatar
FarDusk
Comment

Omg thank you guys for all the feedback!

User avatar
dragonight9
Review

Hi! Dragonight here to leave a review on this brief poem.

That was straight dragon FIRE

The description is brief but to the point and I was able to imagine the scene clearly enough to find suspense in the question, are those eyes?

I loved the word you chose, willowy legs. It is one I have not heard often and fits the both the story itself and the poetic way of telling it.

I also sometimes find my thoughts drifting to wonder what is out there when traveling at night. The poem ends well and lets the reader's imagination continue past the ending. Well done.


Some loose scales

I couldn't find any real critiques for this one. Keep up the good work.


Final wisdom of the dragon friend

This poem is concise but well structured and has quite vivid imagery for the amount of description in it. If this is a good example of your poetry I would say you are very talented at it. I would love to see how a larger poem or story of yours would read.

May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.

User avatar
Aet Lindling
Comment

Excellent use of short lines and limited words to create some excellent imagery. I liked this a lot.

User avatar
spottedpebble
Comment

How ominous... this reminds me of a time two years ago when I was visiting my grandparents. One night we all gathered in a field in the dark trying to see an aurora borealis and I found myself wondering if anything was watching us as we watched the sky. I still think about that night on occasion.
I like how you mention that even though you drove past the lights, you were still wondering afterward what things might have been watching you from the fields. It's interesting to think about what might be watching us as we watch them.

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the devious S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - This is a poem inspired by a late drive. It seems like the narrator has gone past another car, but for just a moment, the red headlights look like eyes…but they aren’t eyes…right?

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you wish to expand on this, then you may.

Chocolate Bar - I love that you were inspired by a late night drive. Strange things happen to the mind when one is up late. I also like how you ask the question of what else could be watching in the fields, because I feel like a lot of us, whether we are walking or driving, wonder what could be waiting in the shadows late at night and if we can really trust what we see. There are only a few lines in this poem, but that is enough, because oftentimes, the most horrible manifestations are all up to our imagination.

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, an eerie poem that was rather enchanting to read! I enjoyed reading this and will think now of the many things that may or may not lurk in the night! Now…

I wish you a fantastical day/night! ^v^

User avatar
NovemberCrow
Comment

Alright, but this is great! I like how you managed to capture the whole vibe in relatively short poem very well - I can feel creeps on my back even as I read this on a warm sunny day. Also how you left what is really in the field a mystery? So cool.

User avatar
canopy
Comment

Hi there! Just dropping by. I was intrigued by this because I've never read horror poetry before and I was curious. The sparse detail is great to get a sort of vague uneasiness across but I feel like this was really underdeveloped. I think you should consider stretching it and building it up more.

Some foreshadowing can go a long way! Just really build up to the horror aspect instead of dropping into it without any preamble.

User avatar
Zama Comment

Nice work!



cron
Regret has a flavor and it tastes like the espresso I consumed at 9pm.
— SilverNight