Young Writers Society

Hi, Manilla here for a review. Let's get right into it, shall we? I'll start with the nitpicks (grammar, spelling, small details, etc) of the piece before my overall comments.

Years in the past, an ancient man known as the Tsuki[,] which means [']the moon['] in Japanese, summonsed the dark force.

This seems like a pretty classic beginning, but it isn't very attention-grabbing, compelling the reader to gain interest in the piece. This could mostly be part of my writing style, but the reader's attention is so important, because they will follow along with all the little details you put in the story. Also, there were some errors in conventions that I fixed above, along with dialogue punctuation throughout the piece.

Another small fix - In dialogue, when you use ellipses ("..."), there's no need for a space after it before transitioning to the next thought.

So that's my nitpicks. The rest of the story you lost me, because I don't know who is saying what other than it's the Tsuki and the darkness. There's no setting for this all to take place, and the dialogue doesn't match with each other in theme all the time.

And you're new, so I don't have much right to judge. :')

Otherwise, I'm curious to see where you take this. Japanese mythology is cool, and incorporating that into your piece would be beneficial.

-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comment you deem unhelpful, and I apologize for being rude wherever it's needed.)