Published July 24, 2009
This would have been far easier
Had I started it on time.
Now I have to get this done
And think of things that rhyme.
My summer has been busy,
But that is no excuse.
I should have logged off Facebook
And put my time to better use.
Facebook is a temptation
That I barely can resist.
“You’re on-line again!”
My mother scolds
“You really must desist!”
Ignoring her, I stay on-line
And haven’t logged off since
Besides, I must converse about
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
Taking quizzes, poking friends,
Talking to him or her
Changing my status constantly
Reality is all a blur.
Photos, Flairs, Super-Flairs
And Bumper Stickers galore
I’ve been a member for only two months
And already, I’m hardcore!
IM’ing with my cousin
Can get rather annoying
But after hours of random words
I find it’s quite enjoying
Tagging friends in pictures
For hours can make you stressed
But tagging things like grass and hair
Is when you’re truly obsessed
Finding people you once knew
Who moved so far away
They may not be here now
But on your computer, they’re here to stay
Virtual birthday cards can be quite fun;
They take two seconds to make
If that’s not something you like to do
You can send a virtual cake!
Now my mom is hooked on Facebook
Thanks to me, of course!
She’s online as much as I am
And I feel no remorse
Facebook can be addicting
I can tell you that it’s true
The trouble is that there are always
Many things to do!
My mom constantly tells me to stop
I often put up a fight
Wait a minute, isn’t there a poem
That I’m supposed to write?
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
I agree the stupid facebook is so adictive. My mum had to sendme holiday to get me off it!
But whatever. This was really good, and I could really relate to it, also it is an interesting topic to write about
keep writing
thanks! i had to write this at the last minute because i had to submit it for 4-H. facebook was part of the reason i wasn't finished with my project when i should have been, so i decided to write a poem about it! thanks for all the compliments and suggestions!
yeah that didn't relate to me at all
but i liked it, totally true of our generation.
and funnily enough people have tagged hair on some of my facebook photos.
funny, made me laugh:)
X
Hey Fantasy ^^ Shina here for a review
xD I understand what you're saying, Fantasy. After reading the first line, I honestly thought it would be boring anc cliche, but after reading the last line, I understood ^^
The rhyme scheme doesn't seem to eat up the poem here. Let's see about the other stanzas...
Leave it as "online." We get the beat
*Online
xD That fits in here perfectly. Good timing for when you wrote this poem.
I feel it would sound better with another syllable somewhere:
"Taking quizzes, poking friends,
Talking to him or her;
After changing my status constantly
Reality becomes a blur."
Instead of "rather", maybe "a bit"?
I feel the last line needs some rewording:
"But tagging things like grass and hair
Is when you know that you're obsessed."
Last line needs some more syllables:
"And I no longer feel remorse."
Last line needs another syllable. Perhaps adding "too" to the beginning.
I think adding "and" in front of the second line would fix it.
xD Hilarious ending. Rants like these can be either good or bad, but I liked this one. Reminds me of Ode to Google. Rhyme scheme didn't eat it up and it was catchy.
-Shina
Hey, I can totally relate to this. I think your poem is REALLY cute. :D
Even though I am more of a Myspace person myself. haha.
anyway. I agree with the person before me you did have very few errors. but if you fixed them like they told you to, your rhyme scheme would be all wrong. So you should keep it like that because poetry doesn't have to be completely grammatically correct all the time.
Anyway, very good job. I'd love to read another one of your poems!
Hello! I can definitely relate to this, there are grammar errors, but it's not a serious poem I suspect! I will list them anyways, but it won't rhyme if you change them in some areas!
Okay first:
Should be enjoyable
Second:
Should be addictive
Now onto flow:
I think this would flow better without the all, just my personal opinion.
There is next to no grammar, but hey, all this I can forgive and ignore, because I smiled as I read it, very funny, very enjoyable, I love light-hearted poems every now and again.
Thank you so much for this, I really enjoyed reading it, and I hope you enjoyed writing it. I think most people can relate, we are slaves to technology these days!
~ Roon