It has been a week since the car reck but it seem's just like yesterday.
(Flash Back)
Watch out there,s a car Emily screamed!, derrick swerved to the right and then they slammed in to a tree. She could hear the mettle scrapping the tree then I blacked out. When I walk up the I herd Emily..,Emily !! I was on a hospital bed, I looked to my right and I saw Derrick he was not looking at anything it looked like he was not even hear in a way. Then the nerce stared pushing me again down the hall she brought me to a room and then left befor I could asked her any questions. I had a I've in my arm giving me medduson, I Felt so drowsy, soon after I past out.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, well, this was an interesting piece here. Its a bit hard to see exactly what this is meant to be, but it does read a bit like perhaps a first paragraph or a prologue right here...with the style of what we've got going on here, although the fact that the whole matter takes place within a flashback does bring into question whether its a prologue, cause usually you don't get flashbacks inside the prologue itself. At any rate, this is a solid little piece here, its got a couple of issues here and there spelling wise, I usually don't point these out but here, they were quite numerous and there were enough of them to make it a bit harder to understand the story so I thought I'd mention them. That needs a little bit of a look at there.
That aside, we get a perspective of someone in what appears to be a fairly serious car crash there just hearing the sounds of impact and then waking up in a hospital. It is quite fast paced and I like that, it conveys the feeling of a high speed crash there and you can sort of imagine the shock the characters must've felt there. It was pretty nicely done.
All in all a solid piece that you've got right here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Don't take this the wrong way, but the spelling in this piece is atrocious. Most programs nowadays should have an automatic spell check. If you're unsure of a word, you can always google it as well.
I like the idea you're striving for, but it's not explained much. From this story, I get that Derrick was driving, crashd into a tree, and now Emily is in the hospital. It says Derrick swerved, but why did he swerve? There are a number of possibilities of why he did (he saw an animal in the road, a car was coming at him, ect.) Try clarifying what Emily saw that made her scream "Watch out!"
You need quotations around a person speech, and possibly add a coma or excalmation point after the 'watch out' part of the first sentence. The excamation point should not be after 'Emily screamed', it should be at the end of her speech. So, "Watch out, there's a car!" Emily screamed.
There isn't much description of really anything in this short piece. You might want to add elements to help the reader visualize the scene. What color were the walls of the hospital? How did Emily feel when she was screaming 'watch out!' at Derrick?
In that second sentence, it switched from first to third person. "She could hear the mettle scrapping the tree then I blacked out." should be, "She could hear the metal scraping the tree, then she blacked out." or "I could hear the metal scraping the tree, then I blacked out."
You need to decide whether the story is in first or third person. If it's in first, you need to get rid of all the parts such as "Emily screamed" and replace them with "I screamed." or vice-versa.
Derrick isn't capitalized in the first sentence and there should be a period after screamed.
In my opinion, that first sentence (it has been... like yesterday.) isn't even needed judging by the last sentence of your story.
You've got a good start, but there are a few things that could really improve your writing. Let's start with spelling; by simply writing in a word processor you can take out most of the spelling errors and you can also reword your sentence to make what you're writing more clear to the reader. For example, here is a revision of the first sentence "It had been only a week since the car wreck, but it seemed like it had only been yesterday." Then do not have to necessarily specify that a flashback is about to happen. Here is a website that will help : http://www.writersdigest.com/qp7-migrat ... flashbacks. Finally, you can work on punctuation and grammar. You add quotations marks around what people say. ("Hi!" said Carolyn). Follow these tips and your writing will be improved immensely.