Starbucks Coffee Cups
Ryan Workman
Three Starbucks coffee cups, sitting beside a concrete wall,
One large, one medium, one small.
There’s a story in the Styrofoam,
In the tidy little row.
Who left their cups on the graveyard street,
In the towering tombstone hall? <-- Line changed
Three young workmen taking a break,
Loitering where none could see?
High school cools who thought it fun,
To leave their litter on display?
Or the nothing men,
The street sleepers.
Those with the eternal graveyard shift,
Leaving garbage on their floor.
One large, one medium, one small.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Brilliant.
haha, that pretty much sums up all I have to say.
It's the type of poem that leaves you thinking and amuses and hits you while you read it. It has such a great concept behind it. All in all, lovely.
Keep writing.
--Knightly
I'm now pretending I don't know starbucks cups are not made with Styrofoam.
Thanks for your comments Dream and Lemon. My sense is the poem is pretty good as is, other than the lack of backing facts
I really liked this, nothing to critique really. I loved the Styrofoam line (just like everyone else, I know...).
Only problem is, that Starbucks don't use Styrofoam cups and they call their cups short, tall, grande and venti...
I don't know; I love the idea and the tone, very poignant, but I think it would be more...convincing (?) if it was simply 'cafe cups' or something to that effect.
But I really don't know, maybe it's a poetic licence thing (I'm not much of a poet, I simply stumbled over this because of my love for all things Starbucks!).
I certainly do like this very much though! Gold Star!!
<3 Techni
I really like this. It was a good and creative idea.. Who knew there could be a story behind litter?
I agree with Jasmine, I think "There’s a story in the Styrofoam" is a way cool line.
Sorry I'm no good at actually critiqueing, but I really did enjoy this!
Good job.
Thanks Jasmine, glad that you liked it.
I agree on the one line, and changing it let me fit in a line I hadn't space for before.
I love this. The idea behind it is great. I really love;
"There's a story in the Styrofoam."
The repetition of "One large, one medium, one small" is very effective.
It flows well and progresses nicely from beginning to end. Phrases like;
"In the tidy little row" make it sound like a children's story, and this contrasts nicely with lines such as;
"Leaving garbage on their floor".
I think "In the frosted eve of spring" is too much, and doesn't relate tightly enough to the way in which you express yourself in the rest of the poem.If you like it, I'd cut the question-mark after "street" and put it after "spring".
A pleasure to read. Hope this helps.
Jas