It's the end of what I know and the venture unto the black that lies as unknown to me. It's come my time to die. I know this for I am starring myself down.
"Hello." I say to myself.
"How's it going?"
"I think I'm dead."
My body lights a cigarette and passes me the lighter and the pack. "Yeah." He responds. I have the strangest feeling of unconditional love for myself. My body is a large, American, plagued by lung cancer and starving it's self to death. The expression he emits from his face shouts as if he hates the world and cares less if it dies. But I know he loves me for I am him, and he is my body.
I light myself a cigarette and begin to talk of our life together. The playground we used to share, the friends we grew to know but lost. We recount everything from our life together. There are no secrets between us for we are the same. There were are no laughs between us, no crying, only understanding. We understand.
My cigarette burns out on the ground and I stand up ready to leave. He lays back down and closes his eyes. I am the last person I will ever see.
I am the ending of myself, and I will venture unto black as my body fades of life.
Yeah, I love this.
~I light myself a cigarette and begin to talk of our life together. The playground we used to share, the friends we grew to know but lost. We recount everything from our life together. There are no secrets between us for we are the same. There were are no laughs between us, no crying, only understanding. We understand.
Amazing. Do let me know when you write more.
Hi there!
I have to say I love this! I'ts one of the best pieces I've read in a lon time. If it was longer It would be too long, this way It's perfect. It's just the right dose of emotion, fiction and that special something there's no name for.
" I am the last person I will ever see. " This is my favourite line, I was fascinated when I read that.
Anyway, love this story, keep on with the great work!
Luca
love it!!! i wish i could write this powerfully in this sort of a space <3
What's up? Okay, so I'll start with the small stuff "staring" at myself, not "starring." You also want to make sure that your sentences are, "Hello," I say to myself. (Comma, not period is my point). "Starving itself" (itself being one word).
Now, onto the actual story. I am always amazed when such short pieces can create a story and develop characters so fast. It really is a unique skill to master. This story is quirky, and definitely interesting; the perspective is acerbic and refreshing, not to mention quirky. And I'm really excited because YOU'RE A NEW WRITER HERE! Sorry for the caps, but yes! Most of the new writers we get start off by posting a very generic love poem or something, so I'm excited to see something so fresh from a new YWSer. ^_^
In any case, keep writing!
Hey there FalseCreed,
So first impression was, 'gosh, this is short'.
I mean, there's novels, novellas, short-stories, and this. No judgement, just saying.
The first two lines - "It's the end of what I know and the venture unto the black that lies as unknown to me. It's come my time to die. I know this for I am starring myself down. " - hit me with curiosity. Yes, I had to think about it to realise what it meant, but it was good. It intrigued me.
* "starving it's self to death. " *itself
Okay, so, wow.
Short as it is, I like it. Very emotive, your piece explores the situation in a really individualistic manner. The point-of-view was absolutely gorgeous. The way you split your protagonist into two kind of mildly blew my mind. It gave a very acute insight into your storyline, and I suppose your story needs to be no longer because of this loophole you've discovered.
It's all really very clever. I can't pin down anything wrong with it, except that I would have enjoyed reading more.
Well done and please, please keep writing!
NightWriter x