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Taste of Life - Prologue

by Querencia


“Are we sure we want to do this? It is an entire race…” The red button pulsed with an alien light. The voice came from one of seven flickering figures around the button.

“The humans haven’t progressed at all. In fact, they’re practically doing the opposite, collapsing into their little devices.” The words weren’t spoken, rather, they came straight from the beings’ minds and hung tremulously in the air. “Besides, they’re totally killing the land! If we eliminate the human factor, we can reclaim and recolonize, working in harmony with the land. There are better uses for this world.”

The shortest figure, one who stood in the center, reached towards the button. She hesitated for a moment, and in that moment the door to the small room burst open in a grand display of light. Through the open gap came a bright flaming person.

The short one quickly snatched her hand away as she watched the new arrival with caution. “Pyrok,” she said with distaste. She uttered the words aloud, as younger ones had not gained the ability of speaking with the mind. The others in the room simply stared in amazement.

Pyrok appeared to have blue skin, with bright red flames surrounding her. Her face was the only part not covered by the fire, and at the top of her forehead she seemed to have impossibly bright, burning hair. Everyone else present, as light as they were, seemed dull when compared to Pyrok. In her left hand, she carried a gigantic yellow sword, edged with blue, which was ablaze as well.

“You can’t eliminate an entire race!” she called. “They’re people too, they’re smart and inventive. They’re problem solvers. They’ll figure out how to save their own world!” She stood in the doorway, firm and confident in her stance. She was calm and poised, like a child when he knows he’ll get his way.

“Pyrok,” the shorter figure said again, mocking the girl despite what words she used, “‘the Legendary Flame.’ You are a great general, and loved by the people, but you have no power here.” She again reached towards the glowing button.

The fiery girl began to laugh, and it was a comforting sound, although rough and low. “Oh Ieva. What are we going to do about you? So set in your ways. True, the people love me, and that is my weapon.” Placing her sword tip on the ground in front of her, Pyrok leaned on it with a casual yet dangerous air.

Ieva froze and stared at Pyrok. Slowly, the other councilors began to smile. “Oh yes, you see it now,” Pyrok continued, a faint smile playing across her lips. “The people all support me, and they support the humans. If you deny my opinion, they will revolt and put me in the role of leader.”

Inching her hand back, Ieva plastered a tight smile on her face. “Well then. I see that we are at an impasse. I cannot let you save this pitiful race, and you seem unable to let me destroy them. Why don’t we make a compromise?”

Pyrok waved a hand. “Say what you wish, and I shall choose whether to listen to you, let alone make a deal.”

Ieva glared at the bold younger girl before snapping at the other councilors to leave. They filed out respectfully, some throwing menacing glances at the living flame, while others whispered words of luck. When they had all left, the leader pushed the floating console containing the button to the side. Simultaneously, two chairs materialized. Ieva chose to sit, but Pyrok remained standing, and therefore in control of the situation.

“I could kill you right now,” Ieva spat, no longer concealing her wrath. Pyrok just stood there picking at her nails, not even bothering to meet the leader’s gaze.

“So could I. It’d just be faster if I did it. Still waiting to hear something good.”

Ieva still didn’t know what exactly she was doing, making deals with a miserable youth, but she was raging, more furious than she had ever been before, and she was willing to take a long-term risk, one she hoped would pay off.

“Fine. You think your petty humans are so worthy of praise? How would you like to be one?” That got Pyrok’s attention. She looked up at Ieva with interest and slid her sword into a sheath on her back, sitting down in the empty chair.

“You can do that?” Pyrok questioned, her curiosity overcoming her suspicion.

Ieva grinned wickedly. “I can do more than that. I can give you three lives,” she said quietly. She pulled the floating button back towards her and a box grew from her finger tips. The sides were engraved with the words, ‘Three lives of Pyrok, the Legendary Flame.’ “We’ve been waiting so long for this already. What difference does three human life spans make? This box will never open again until you live out your three human lives. When you come back, we will do whatever you decide is the best.”

Pyrok raised an eyebrow. “And will I remember all of this, all of my time here when I become a human?”

Ieva’s grin widened. “Oh, you will remember everything. Everything from now, and each life as a human. You will have the most perfect memory.”

The Legendary Flame nodded, her eyes gleaming with triumph and the prospect of adventure. She smiled fully now. “When can I do this?”

“Right now.”

A/N: This is a bit short, but the actual chapters should be a bit longer. I'm not quite sure of the genre, as the story follows Pyrok's life as a human. I could really use some help there, and with titles as well. This one is definitely not permanent.


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Mon Feb 08, 2016 9:42 am
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to review! :D

Specifics

Spoiler! :
“Are we sure we want to do this? It is an entire race…” The red button pulsed with an alien light. The voice came from one of seven flickering figures around the button.


I like the introductory first paragraph. It sets the tone of the story as well as gives us something to imagine on. And boy, what I'm imagining right now is intriguing. ;)

“The humans haven’t progressed at all. In fact, they’re practically doing the opposite, collapsing into their little devices.” The words weren’t spoken, rather, they came straight from the beings’ minds and hung tremulously in the air.


These sentences are interesting and all, but are you sure want what's thinking/saying these words to be plural? I'm pretty sure only one being replies to the first being that brings up the question. Also, 'tremulously' describes the words being 'shaken slightly because of nervousness, weakness or illness', which is something I don't think you're aiming for.

“Besides, they’re totally killing the land! If we eliminate the human factor, we can reclaim and recolonize, working in harmony with the land.


I think the 'land' doesn't have to be repeated twice, and that the second one can be referred to as 'it'.

Everyone else present, as light as they were, seemed dull when compared to Pyrok.


Eh, 'light' as an adjective means 'not heavy', which isn't something you're going for. I think 'bright' is the suitable word here.


Content-wise.

I think this is a pretty interesting idea for a story. For once, the alien here doesn't quickly decide to wipe out the entire humanity, and try to understand human by being one. It's pretty cool idea, and sets this novel apart from other alien-based novels that focus on alien taking over Earth *cough*Fifth Wave*cough*.

Pyrok and Ieva seem like two interesting characters. Pyrok seems like she's the protagonist that would be your bad-ass heroine, but i'd be interesting to see how she would take this all-being-human when she actually be one. It would be awesome to get into her mind, because I'm sure an alien thinks differently than a human, and her reactions to all the humans' aspects would be something to read for.

Ieva, on the other hand, is a pretty sly character. I'm not sure if her bargain is just as simple as that; I'm pretty sure there's more than what met on the surface. Turning Pyrok into a human is easily the best way to eliminate Pyrok, or if that's not Ieva's intention, I think Ieva is genuinely intrigued by how Pyrok values human enough to stop the aliens from destroying them. I hope to see more of Ieva.

For a first chapter, it sets up pretty much everything for us to read. I can see the goal, the conflicts, and the characters just by reading this one. Keep up the good job! :D




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Mon Feb 01, 2016 12:37 pm
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writerkitty wrote a review...



Hi there it's writer12345 here to give a review,

Wow, this is really amazing. Usually I don't read prolongs, but your story seems pretty interesting. (I noticed your newest chapter and thought to have a look from the very beginning)

I like to see where this is heading. I mean I really want to see how Pyrok would live as a human. She has three lives (cool) so I'm hoping the readers will be able to meet many new people along the way. Oh, and I really want to know what Pyrok thinks in the end. So I'm pretty much going to read the whole story. :D :D :D

You did a really good job in drawing the reader right into your story. the title is pretty cool too.

Anyway I'm sure I'm going to do much longer reviews for the other chapters! :D
keep writing!!!!




Querencia says...


Thank you so much! :D I really appreciate it.



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Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:47 am
Voyager15 says...



Aye, I like to do short and to the point comments, but I'm interested already! The story idea itself is quite unique, and I think "Taste of Life", as a title, is a good starting title. Your descriptions of your characters is pretty good, too. It's just the prologue and Pyroc is already my favorite character. The "Three Lives" thing is pretty interesting, so are you going to make the three lives go thru the perspective of different time periods, or just in the same time period?

Oh, look, I'm asking questions already that are probably going to be answered in the next chapter...




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Tue Jul 14, 2015 3:51 pm
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Hattable wrote a review...



Hey Falco!
What d'you know? I was hoping to find something by you to review and as soon as I open the Green Room I spot this! :D
I quite liked this, but I'm gonna have to poke at the grammar mistakes (only thing I touch on in my reviews. >.> ). Let's get started, then, shall we?


the door to the small room bust open in a grand display of light

This was a bit odd to read. It might just be me, but “bust” doesn't seem like the right word to use here. I'd suggest “burst” but then I think about it and that doesn't seem like the right word either. >.>
like child when he knows he’ll get his way

I take it you meant “like a child”? :P
The fiery girl began to laugh, and it was a comforting sound although rough and low.

I'm not sure if this is right, it might just be my “addiction” to commas, but a comma after “sound” seems like it would make the sentence flow more smoothly. I dunno, though. It's your call.
She again reached towards the glowing button.

More commas! At least here I'm pretty sure they'd be better... Before and after “again”. Put some commas there and I think it'll make the sentence... better? *shrugs*
“Well then. I see that we are at an impasse.

I totally didn't have to look up “impasse”.
>.>
<.<
Okay, I did, but only because I wasn't entirely sure as to its meaning. >.>
Because of this, and because no one really uses words like that when speaking (doesn't seem realistic in writing) I'd suggest changing it to something else. Perhaps stalemate or deadlock. It's up to you, though. Impasse is perfectly fine here, if you'd like to keep it.
“Say what you wish, and I shall choose whether to listen to you, let alone make a deal.”

Now this was a bit confusing to read. I get what Pyrok is saying, but the wording is a bit odd. Unfortunately, I've no idea how you could fix it, but maybe look it over and try some alternate ways of saying it.

That's the last of the grammar and stuff I'll pick at, everything else looks good.
Again, I liked this chapter, good job. I look forward to more. I'll definitely be following this novel (or at least doing my best to :P).

Keep writing!
-Hatt




Querencia says...


Thanks! Ah, I know I messed up on a bunch of little things. >.> I'll go and fix some~



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Tue Jul 14, 2015 3:33 am
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ClackFlip wrote a review...



Well, that was a zinger of an opening. Oh, sorry.
Hi Falconer! Back to the opening, let's talk a little about that, shall we? The thing that made me love this opening (and kind of recoil at it if I'm going to be honest is Pyrok.
She is just so cool. Just absolutely in control of everything going on. I like a character that shows high competence. It's kind of my weakness. Tyrion is the only reason I even bothered finishing aGoT if I'm being honest.
But there's also a problem with them, you have the Black Widow stereotype on your hands.
You see, Black Widow (from 'Avengers' fame) is a boring character in my opinion. Why? She. Is. Too. Good. Throughout the movie I just felt like she was too good at everything, ridiculously so. I felt bored when I saw her, she was just so...
perfect
There's characters that can get away with this (Kvothe from 'Kingkiller' fame comes to mind) because of flaws of personality - Kvothe's temper.
So there's that.

There's also an issue with you're info-dumping. It's sloppy.
"This character is this."
Thanks for saying that -_-
Pyrok again comes to mind with why you shouldn't do this. You have this character who enters the room and just dominates everything going on (I really like Pyrok if you can't tell.) and then you info-dump "This character is a well loved general." but her actions were already enough to tell us she's brash and somewhat stubborn. You can build off of this and not info-dump like you did.
I hope that makes sense.
Show don't tell is what I'm trying to say.

Pyrok is hot. Literally. (Just had to make that joke. Too irresistible. Laugh earthling.)
Bye.




Querencia says...


Hey there Clack! Thanks for reviewing. Pyrok is supposed to be almost too good in the beginning, as she will soon become a human for three lives so we shall see how or if she changes through that whole experience. (I'm not going to give anything away)
I'll work on those information drops a bit later (because sleep), thanks for pointing them out! I just wanted to make it pretty clear that Pyrok was favoured by the people. I guess I did it a bit too well. ^^
I did laugh. By the way... What makes you think I'm an earthling? XD




Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
— Ann Landers