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Young Writers Society



Taste of Life - Chapter 8

by Que


The first few hours of Megan’s life after she awoke were blurred and unfocused, all bustling nurses and people trying to tell her what was going on. It was full of words such as “run away”,“2nd or 3rd degree”, “damaging tissue”, and “contacting parents”.

They had done something to her hands, but she could barely remember what. She had woken up with her hands warming in a pool of water. They only looked a little better. Meg had an IV in her right arm, and all she could think was, Thank goodness I’m left handed. She was given some pills, which had eased the pain, and someone came by with food. Although hungry, she complained it was bland and barely touched it. She didn’t see Chris.

In one late hour of the day, the world suddenly slapped Meg in the face and forced her to rouse herself. Now alert, she observed everything around her as the events unfolded. Megan’s hands were taken from the water and stayed out. They looked a little bit better; the black on her fingertips was receding, and her blisters were deflating. The nurse who had taken her hands out wrapped them in some sort of warm towel and informed her that she had a visitor.

As the nurse excused herself, Megan sat up against the puffy pillows of the hospital bed and focused her clear blue eyes on the door. Whispering around the corner came the image of love: a woman, swirled into a long warm coat and long, greying hair. Her mother had come. Behind her was her father, hands shoved deep into his coat pockets, lines of worry etched into his face.

Megan cried out softly, and her mother flew to her bedside. Wrapping her daughter in a cautious hug, she cried into her shoulder. Meg wept as well. Her father came over and stood beside them, and for a long time, silence dominated. When her mother finally pulled away, the first spoken words were those of apology.

“I’m sorry.” They didn’t come from Meg, but her mother. She held her head in her leather gloved hand, the tears drying on her face. “I should’ve known. You weren’t happy with the move, you didn’t make friends, and you struggled with school. I ignored you at the time when you needed our love the most.”

Megan began to open her mouth when her father spoke. “Meg, I know you wanted to get into that musical very badly. I didn’t know that you took it so seriously as to skip school, and later run away.”

“Mom… Dad… I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to take it so far! I was just so angry, not even at anything specific, and I couldn’t control it…” she replied, looking away and putting her wrapped hands together on her lap.

“It’s alright, sweetie. Everything’s going to be okay now.”

Megan suddenly looked up at her mother’s face. “But what if it’s not? Chris… he doesn’t have anywhere to go, just a bad home and back to school.”

Emma looked at her husband and then back at her daughter. “Who’s Chris?” Megan shook her head.

“He was with me when I skipped school! We ran away together, and he was the one who got us the hotel room and called the ambulance…” she said slowly.

“You got a hotel room?” Megan’s dad said sharply. Meg simply blinked in response.

“Oh dear,” Emma fretted. She shook a bit, but then her smile graced her face again. “Megan, we aren’t supposed to be here for too long. You need to rest. Is there anything we can get you?”

“A book?” Megan asked hopefully. Her mother smiled, and in that moment Meg truly knew that everything was going to be alright. Her father reached into the bag at his side- it was her backpack- and pulled out a book.

“Harry Potter!” she exclaimed. It was the third book, her favorite, which she had been rereading that year. Face glowing, she snuggled back into the surprising warmth of the hospital bed. Her dad pulled a chair close up to the edge of the bed and her mother left the room.

Megan fell asleep to the softly spoken words of her favorite book, momentarily able to be content with her life.

* * * * *

Megan became Pyrok again that night, and she summoned Ieva this time around. It was time to turn the tables.

“So soon? So soon you’ve reconsidered?” Ieva’s face was a smirk. Just as Py had suspected, the glowing red button was in the leader’s hands. She smiled.

“Well, actually…” Pyrok leaned in towards Ieva, making sure she still had her treasured sword with her. “I thought that button was supposed to be locked up in a case for three human lives. More specifically, my three human lives. Have you forgotten how to count? Or are you simply that stupid?”

Ieva’s face dropped and she glared at Pyrok in rage. Py simply nodded her head.

“I see…” In one swift movement, she hefted her sword and, flames bright and hot around her, sliced Ieva through the middle. The illusion fell into pieces and left Pyrok with a kind of satisfaction that Ieva wouldn’t be bothering her for a long while.


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472 Reviews


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Thu Feb 11, 2016 3:12 pm
Lightsong wrote a review...



Alrighty, I'm here for thee! :D

The first few hours of Megan’s life after she awoke were blurred and unfocused, all bustling nurses and people trying to tell her what was going on.


This sentence seems to have two different parts. Instead of using a comma, you can use a semicolon instead; it joins two independent clauses, which the sentence seems to have if you put 'were' before 'trying'.

It was full of words such as “run away”,“2nd or 3rd degree”, “damaging tissue”, and “contacting parents”.


Avoid using numbers when you can turn them into words as much as possible. '2nd or 3rd degree' can simply be put as 'second or third degree'. I can see you're trying to give hints of a medical explanation, and I'm wondering what does this degree means because I'm more familiar with it being mentioned for a burn wound.

Meg had an IV in her right arm, and all she could think was, Thank goodness I’m left handed.


What's an IV? Perhaps you can describe its physical a bit since I've no idea about it. What I'm concerned in this part though is the thought one. You should italicize it. Also, the thought about her being left-handed should come after she's grateful only her one hand is affected by whatever that is affecting her. Right now, the thought seems to abrupt to be considered natural.

Alright, so I like the moment she has with her parents. It's realistic, it makes me go 'aww' and everything ends well. Both parties apologize to each other, and to make things up, the parents have Harry Potter book for Megan. It's pretty uncommon for visitors to bring a book for the patient, but I'm going to let it slide since Emily and George obviously know more about her. I do hope it can be extended a bit longer, you know, to explore more about their relationship.

It seems like Megan has decided to continue with her human live, and tells Ieva about it. I like how it acts like a closure to that stop-now-or-not thingy. Also, I'm wondering about Chris. Obviously I want to see him again; he's such a cool character, the best side characters I've seen so far (minus Ieva--that lady has some attitude I like). It seems like you're making him gone, though. ._. Either way, I'll reserve my judgement whether it's better or not to not have him around.

That is all! Keep up the good job! :D




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Sun Sep 27, 2015 9:05 pm
artemis15sc wrote a review...



Hi falconer! Happy review day.

My first comment is to consider putting direct character thoughts in italics. This can make for a smoother read, especially when it's in third person.

Although hungry, she complained it was bland and barely touched it. She didn’t see Chris.
That last sentence feels little random, like it was accidentally tacked on to the paragraph above it. It's actually very jarring, at least for me. It just has nothing to do with the sentence above it, which shouldn't be a thing generally speaking. You want each idea to flow into the next so your audience can follow along.

There are exceptions of course, like maybe you're trying to show that her thoughts are muddled for injuries or drugs or being in the hospital or something. if that were the case. I'd recommend you add in more about her being fuzzy, or make that last sentence it's own paragraph.

Emma looked at her husband and then back at her daughter.
It was weird that started referring to her mother by her first name. At first I thought a whole new character was on the scene. I get that you're trying to establish her parent's names, but now might not be the time. It's confusing.

“Harry Potter!” she exclaimed. It was the third book, her favorite, which she had been rereading that year.
It's true, Harry Potter does make everything better.

Wow, that end part suddenly shifted. it's nice though. I wasn't really a fan of the last sentence though. It just doesn't seem strong enough after everything else that happened in the chapter. You've got a lot of really good stuff going on so I'm sure you can find that perfect, bone-chilling cliff-hanger that will ahve your readers scrambling to read the next chapter.

Overall though it was nice. You described the hospital perfectly. My own concern is that Megan didn't seem to worry about Chris as much as I think she should. And things with her parent's went a little too smoothly. I get that they've been through a rough time and they all want to forgive each other, but I think things should still be a little strained and akwardm no matter how much they love each other.

Overall though a nice, piece. I deifnitely give it a thumbs up.

Thanks for sharing!

-Art

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Sun Sep 13, 2015 11:18 pm
Steggy wrote a review...



Hello!

Stegosaurus here for a review (as promised)!

I liked this chapter. The beginning seems to be suspenseful (as from the previous chapter which I read the end so I could figure out the beginning >.>). It seems Megan is in a sorta coma and you described it quite well- you have a lovely beginning to this! As it continues I notice a thing that- to me- should be edited BUT you don't have to take this (you are writer; you think of what is best to do).

all bustling nurses and people trying to tell her what was going on.


I feel like 'what was going on' doesn't seem to be the correct wording in this little line- however that could just be me. I would suggest 'what was happening' because it seems to run smoother. However you don't have to take this suggestion and leave it as it is!
Also the next sentence, I was confused by what you meant by 'it' until I referred back to the previous sentence (so that is cleared up.)

It was full of words such as “run away”,“2nd or 3rd degree”, “damaging tissue”, and “contacting parents”.

I feel like '2nd or 3rd degree' and 'damaging tissue' could mean the same thing as 2nd or 3rd degree could mean bring the skin to a boil and could possible damage the skin.

They had done something to her hands, but she could barely remember what.


To me, the beginning doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the sentence. 'They did something to her hands..' sounds a little better (however, you can leave it the way it is; totally up to you! As you are the writer and I am the reader!)

Wrapping her daughter in a cautious hug,

Cautious doesn't seem to be the correct word here. Maybe 'worrisome' hug or something similar?

Overall, this was a lovely chapter and I enjoyed it from start to end! I hope to read more of this as you continue. Could you also tag me when you are done writing the next chapter, please?

If you want me to go over something again or if anything seems confusing, let me know!

Steggy





I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.
— Leonardo da Vinci