z

Young Writers Society



How Was Your Day? - Chapter 11.1

by Que


September 25 • Wednesday

7:05 am

"Misunderstandings are some of the worst things that can happen. That's because it leaves multiple people feeling bad about themselves, not to mention angry at others, while there was nothing really there to fight about in the first place.

"Misunderstandings cause a whole slew of negative emotions- pain, sadness, rage, disappointment, guilt, and so on. And the only way to get rid of these is to do something that humans hate the most: admit that you were not right.

"-F-"

Finnley nervously turned down Mia's street, knowing what he had to tell her- after her behavior earlier, he wasn't sure how she might react. He hated the thought of her coldness, because it was the most un-Mia-like he had ever seen her.

He walked up to the doorbell with apprehension, but he heard footsteps immediately after he rang, which he took to be encouraging. Mia flung open the door and sighed when she saw Finnley. "Alright, alright, we need to talk," she said, holding the door further open. She gestured unenthusiastically for him to enter. She shut the door behind him and they went into the living room, where Finnley sat uncomfortably on the edge of an armchair while Mia sprawled on the couch, a mug of something warm in her hand.

"Look," Mia directed before Finnley could begin to explain himself, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I realize now that you don't know what you're getting into with Sylvie, and I know she can be very overwhelming and persuading. Sorry I didn't tell you more about that so you could have defended yourself against it."

Finnley sat back, baffled, blinking hard. "What? No, uh, I mean I guess I don't know about her," he replied, stumbling over his words. That hadn't at all been what he was expecting her to say. "No," he said again, but firmer, as he regained his footing in the situation. "No, look, you've got it all wrong. You see, she came up to me in class to ask me to homecoming, and I rejected her. I explained that I was going with you instead, and of course we aren't even really going. Sylvie stalked me the entire day, bringing her gang of people with her. Then I couldn't text you back because I was in class, and well... you see how that all adds up to give you a false impression." Finnley finished awkwardly and sat in silence, staring at the soft beige carpet.

There was no sound for a moment, and then Mia laughed shortly. "Ha! I'm such an idiot!"

Finnley just stared at her, dumbfounded. She explained further, "I wouldn't have believed it for a second if Sylvie had told me herself. But she's much smarter than I thought- she let people in your class see her flirting with you, and then told key, reliable people that you had agreed to go to homecoming with her. Then, when someone I trusted, who was not in with Sylvie's group, told me what she had seen and what had been said, I completely believed it!"

"So... we're good?" Finnley asked tentatively. Mia grinned and leapt up from the couch, setting her drink down heavily on the side table.

"Good? Well, Finnley, this changes everything! We can go back to normal now," she said, and twirled around a bit before hugging him.

"Hold up," Finnley commanded. He was glad that Mia had bounced back to normal as soon as she'd seen the misunderstanding, but there were still things he wanted to get straightened out before he was okay with everything. "Mia, did you see what happened with us yesterday? Misunderstandings or not, you went cold, and it was terrifying. You need to tell me about that, because I don't want it happening again."

He breathed in deep before plunging ahead. "And I know this isn't just over homecoming. We may have the plan, but it's more than that. There's a girl... Monica. She told me that you have a history with Sylvie, and I can only see things escalating and getting worse from here on out, so I think it's for the best that we talk about it."

Mia shook her hair out of its ponytail holder and ran her fingers through it before putting it up again. She sighed but stared dead on at Finnley. "Look. A long time ago, we used to be friends, best friends. I liked to mess around, still do, so we started prancing each other. It was fun, at first. A fake mouse in a lunchbox. A locker stuffed to the brim with notebook paper. But she and I couldn't stop outdoing each other- it was just the way we were. The whole thing escalated rather quickly, as you would imagine.

"One night, in the middle of winter, I snuck out and poured a bucket of water on her porch, her sidewalk, her driveway, everything. It was cold enough that it wouldn't take long to freeze. The next morning, her little brother ran out of the house, not seeing the ice. He broke his leg."

Mia swallowed hard and looked at her hands. Finnley had never seen her like this either, remorseful. His heart ached for her and her past decisions. "It... it wasn't as bad as it could've been. No one would fess up to our prank war, so it was her word against mine. Ultimately, there wasn't a clear culprit, so no one was blamed. That was when Sylvie began to hate me. That had been an accident, but she loved her little brother to death. More than that, as he was recovering, he was the source of most of her parents' arguments. Sylvie had nowhere to go when they fought- she no longer trusted me. They ended up splitting up- her parents, that is."

Suddenly, Mia was crying, wracked with silent sobs on the couch. Finnley was stunned, and the sight nearly made him want to cry himself. He had never needed to be the one to comfort her before. He hugged Mia tight. Friends went both ways. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
641 Reviews


Points: 46598
Reviews: 641

Donate
Wed Jan 31, 2018 8:30 pm
View Likes
Panikos wrote a review...



Hi, Querencia. Pan dropping in for another review. I really am a bit of a snail when it comes to getting through these chapters - stuff always seems to get in the way of reviewing time.

Mia flung open the door and sighed when she saw Finnley.

[New line here] "Alright, alright, we need to talk," she said, holding the door further open.


Sylvie stalked me the entire day, bringing her gang of people with her. Then I couldn't text you back because I was in class, and well... you see how that all adds up to give you a false impression." Finnley finished awkwardly and sat in silence, staring at the soft beige carpet.


But I thought he did text her? You mentioned in the previous chapter that he sent her a bunch of messages explaining his side of things. Has Mia still not looked at them? Why doesn't Finnley mention here that he sent her messages to try and explain?

"Good? Well, Finnley, this changes everything! We can go back to normal now," she said, and twirled around a bit before hugging him.


Haha, this is somehow so Mia. Her mood can go from here to there in a split second.

"Hold up," Finnley commanded. He was glad that Mia had bounced back to normal as soon as she'd seen the misunderstanding, but there were still things he wanted to get straightened out before he was okay with everything. "Mia, did you see what happened with us yesterday? Misunderstandings or not, you went cold, and it was terrifying. You need to tell me about that, because I don't want it happening again."


I don't feel like you need that whole stretch I've struck out, because it's basically telling us what we can already infer from his dialogue. It's just redundant and needlessly tell-y.

out of its ponytail holder


...did you deliberately choose a really ambiguous term so as not to start an argument? I call them bobbles. Or scrunchies, if they're big and crinkly. A lot of people call them hair ties. Can't say I've ever heard 'ponytail holder' before.

so we started prancing each other


Pranking, you mean?

"One night, in the middle of winter, I snuck out and poured a bucket of water on her porch, her sidewalk, her driveway, everything. It was cold enough that it wouldn't take long to freeze. The next morning, her little brother ran out of the house, not seeing the ice. He broke his leg."


Oh man, I really didn't expect that! So Mia actually does have her share of guilt in this, even though it obviously was an accident. I like that. Considering I thought this was going to be a clear-cut 'popular girl bullies oddball' type situation, it's great that you've gone against my expectations and taken a stance that I really didn't expect. It's cool. It's sad, too, because Mia must have felt awful about it.

And now I'm wondering about what happened in Mr Vaughn's shop. The story he told Finnley about a sister selling a swan ornament to get money for her brother - was Sylvie that sister? It seems too much of a coincidence otherwise. I like how you've tied it together, though it does stretch the suspension of disbelief that a broken leg could cause that much strife within a family. Then again, I come from a country with a national health service, so there's probably a lot I'm not aware of when it comes to hospital bills and the kind of stress that causes.

That's all for this review, pretty much. I enjoyed this chapter segment and I love that you took me by surprise at the end of it, though I think you could draw out Mia's explanation a little more. Given that it's a massive source of guilt for her, I feel like she should struggle to talk about it more than she does, maybe dancing around the point and stumbling over her explanation a bit. I'd expect more hesitancy.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




User avatar
1735 Reviews


Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735

Donate
Tue Jul 11, 2017 6:22 pm
View Likes
BluesClues wrote a review...



Mia <3

I mean, as always. I feel like I've started half my reviews this way. WHATEVER SHE'S GREAT.

So I'm glad they patched things up, and I'm sure it's partly thanks to Finn's blog. Like as soon as I read it, I thought: well, now Mia has to know that things are really okay and that she overreacted, right? Because we know she reads his blog.

That said, I thought the conversation was really spot-on.

I feel like I say this a lot in reviews, too. And not that people don't sometimes actually say to each other, "We need to talk" and then sit down and have a frank, open conversation about difficult things. But when characters have conversations about exactly what their problems are and exactly what's on their minds, I often question it. Or at least the way it's done.

Here, it might just be because it sort of happens in two parts in this chapter? Like Mia explains in detail exactly why she did believe it - as opposed to Sylvie telling her herself - and then Finn explains in detail exactly why he's concerned and why they need to talk, and Mia follows that up with an explanation of her issues with Sylvie.

I think actually maybe it would fix it if you moved Mia's explanation of why she believed it to after her explanation of her history with Sylvie. Like before she could just be like, "Sorry, I was an idiot for believing it," and then later on he could be like, "Why would you ever think I'd do that to you?" and she could explain that if SYLVIE had said it, she wouldn't have, but Sylvie's sneaky.

OKAY ANYWAY it's just a thing I sort of latch onto, but like I said, in this chapter if you just moved things around I feel like it wouldn't feel that way to me. Also, I found it really interesting that Mia's bad history with Sylvie was partly her own fault, that the final falling-out was her fault, even though it was an accident - it shows a really human side of Sylvie (her care for her brother), was a really bad accident that still actually hurt someone (as opposed to simple miscommunication), and it was unexpected! I fully expected that Sylvie had done something horrible to Mia in the past, but then it turns out that a prank of Mia's went too far and got someone hurt. It's just so unusual in these sorts of backstories, and I really liked that twist.

Image




Que says...


Thanks for the review! I like your idea of moving things around there, I think it works pretty well so I'll do that. And yeah, I knew I actually had to make something actually Mia's fault to show that she isn't perfect, and to show that Sylvie is human and has very real motivation. I'm glad you liked that, though!!



User avatar
373 Reviews


Points: 46306
Reviews: 373

Donate
Mon Jul 10, 2017 1:57 pm
View Likes
PrincessInk wrote a review...



GOOD. They talked and renewed their friendship! :D

Right now what affected me most in this chapter was about Mia and Sylvie. I feel like this is an important part of backstory to this novel because this absolutely explains Sylvie's actions toward Mia. But I can't blame Sylvie for hating Mia after that terrible accident--especially since Sylvie loves her younger brother so much. To me, this adds another depth to Sylvie. She's not only the queen bee of the school, but she's a loving older sister.

Mia is so in-character here I guess. It also makes sense for her to start crying because who wouldn't feel so much guilt if their prank turned into a horrible incident? And then the way she's laughing at herself for being an idiot--that feels like a Mia-stamp to me. One thing I thought was odd though was that the Finnley [when Mia said that Sylvie's brother broke his leg] was feeling only sorry for Mia? Because whether he is close to Mia or not, that might have evoked some shock or horror from him? And then that could make Mia feel worse about it, right?

I do want to know where this Mia-Sylvie subplot might go. I'm not sure they can ever be friends again BUT if Mia and Finnley miraculously save one of her loved ones, that could be different...Either way, I think Mia and Finnley will have to watch out in Homecoming because Sylvie will definitely notice if they don't show up.

So hope this rambly review helped!

-Ink




Que says...


Thanks for the review!! Phew, I'm glad Mia was still in character, she's got a lot of depth and it's kind of hard to show it all sometimes. I also struggled with what Finnley was feeling a lot, because he's less forward about his emotions most of the time, so thanks for that advice! I'm glad you liked the chapter!!




"I never expected that I should be a queen so soon."
— Alice's Adventures in Wonderland