Hiii, Querencia! Pan dropping in for another review.
"I can't believe that she just flirted with you for a few minutes and you agreed to go to homecoming with her! What we need to do is so much bigger than a stupid high school dance."
"I see."
She ignored every text he sent during the periods afterwards, telling her that what she had thought didn't actually happen. Finnley tried to convey this to her using all sorts of different angles, but nothing got a response from her. He made such an effort that his next teacher had to take away his phone for the period, forcing him to surrender to Mia's painful silence.
My first though was that she was being a oddly unreasonable, but then again, Mia is always quite brash about things, and it does seem that she has some bad history with this Sylvie. I'm not quite sure about the 'I see' text, though. What does it add? It seems like a weird thing for her to say, because it's the kind of thing you'd usually type in response to someone else. When I first read it, I thought that was Finnley's message back to her, and then got even more confused when I realised it wasn't. I feel like you could delete it and nothing would be lost.
Small point, but I wouldn't describe the homecoming text as 'icy'. It's screams fiery annoyance to me.
Her vicious and meaningful glares during their shared gym period were enough to send him fleeing to the bathroom, where he hid, waiting out the rest of the school day.
God, I love Finnley. Just straight-up hiding from conflict and hoping it goes away. I can relate.
"I am." Finnley started to reply, but she held up a single hand. "But just because I am doesn't mean you should judge a group of people based on one individual. Do you blame an individual for decisions their countries made centuries ago? Or all dogs just because one dog bit your friend? It's true that others in Sylvie's group are cruel, but you don't know them as individuals. And I haven't done anything like that," she added, after a moment.
I don't really buy her logic. While it can be difficult to stop your friends from being cruel, there's a difference between judging someone for being from a certain country and judging someone for hanging out with bullies. You can't choose your nationality, but you can choose your friends. She's not really got the right to be on her high horse here.
It did strike me as quite an odd spiel to come out with to a stranger, as well, but maybe that is just Monica's personality. I do get the sense that she's a bit unusual.
It was an ash brown color, and had violet streaks of dye.
Bit of a clunky sentence. Could maybe have: 'It was an ash brown color, streaked with violet dye.
"It's about your friend, Mia," she said, shrugging one shoulder. "There was something... something in her past. Between Sylvie and Mia. She's always been awfully mad about it, but now she thinks she can get at Mia through you, and finally get revenge. I really don't know what she did."
Interesting. I'm really intrigued to know what this history between them is. I wonder if it'll link to the overall plot with what's going on in the forest? I can't think how it would, and it certainly doesn't have to, but it would be interesting if it tied into that somehow.
and he was worried for his friend.
Okay, so that's all for the specifics! I do like Monica, despite her slightly faulty logic. I feel like she's a good kid at heart, and she does seem a bit of an oddball, so I wonder if she's hanging out with Sylvie's lot just to try and fit in and find friends where she can. Like BlueAfrica noted, I like that Monica is 'like other girls' but she's still got her quirks, you know? I sort of hope that her dress choice and friend group isn't entirely down to her wanting to fit in, because I'd like to see a girl who actually enjoy 'mainstream' things but isn't treated as a lesser character for it. She seems good so far, though. I like that she seems aware of her friends' cruelty but not actually that apologetic about it. It's odd. She's oddly practical. Props to her for filling Finnley in on the truth, though.
That's all for this review. I do feel like this chapter as a whole has been quite sudden and fast-paced; you could've done with hinting at some of Mia's school conflicts a little earlier in the story, and maybe could've led up to the whole Sylvie issue a bit more gradually. At the moment, it feels a little like it's just been thrown in to stop things from going too smoothly. You'd solve that if we got a sense that it was brewing earlier in the novel.
Keep writing!
~Pan
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