Published January 5, 2007
On his first day at work, Jonny Celtric, age 25, spilled coffee on his boss. Angrily, she sent him to box shipment, the worst job there, where he packed boxes on the loading dock. He liked his new job better than his old one. He had formerly worked at the New Detroit Stamp-It where he made car parts. He had been fired for almost cutting off a man's hand with the Stamp-It machine. But, he hated his old job because it was so unsanitary. His new job, however, was very clean. The only problem was that some of the employees smoked cigars and sometimes the smoke got in his eyes and mouth.
He didn't really have any friends at his new job. Except for a guy who had been assigned to be his assistant on his first day. They weren't exactly all that friendly with each other, either. All in all, it was not a very exciting job, but it payed the bills, and that was what was important.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
Yeah, I agree with Phorcys. This is way too short to write a critique.
quote:
Angrily, she sent him to box shipment, the worst job there, where he packed boxes on the loading dock.
-Where?
As to my 'generall' opinion... Well, I think this piece of writing isn't really interesting, to tell you the truth. Maybe if you posted more I would be able to change my opinion...
This is not enough to critique, a paragraph is not a story. Consider writing at least 500 words before submitting something to YWS.
This is a very interesting first paragraph, but it's very short! You've got to give us a little bit more of an idea who Johnny is before we can decide whether or not we like the story.