So I have been hurt,
Not once but twice by the same guy,
I am bleeding inside but I act ok,
I don't wanna cry about it,
I feel humiliated as I have never been,
"fool me once shame on you, but fool me twice shame on me" I keep telling myself,
Twice I believed him and twice he lied,
Twice I gave him my all, my body, I gave up my pride, was submissive,
And twice he discarded me like a used tissue,
I had moved on from the first time he hurt me,
I had forgotten the pain he had caused me,
But he had to come back again and fill my pool with mud,
I wanna be strong but I can't,
Because as stupid as it may sound I was in love with him,
And he has left me for the dead and with no hope for a happy life.
My friend said I should not blame myself because men are selfish creatures,
But how can I not blame myself when I was the one that allowed him to do this to.
I often wonder if i am stronger than this,
If I will be able to be happy after this,
If I ever meant something to him at all.
Was I just a plaything for his amusement..............
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,862 Reviews
Greetings! I’m gonna write you a little review.
First thing, though kinda nit-picky, is that you really don’t need the “so” in the beginning of this poem.
Also, I really don’t like how it reads like a VERY long sentence until near the end of the poem. Don’t be afraid of using a period, darling!
However, you have really beautiful descriptive and figurative language, I’ll give you that,
Good job overall. Have a nice day! Keep writing! God loves you!
The sense of melancholy and well, heartbreak I get from this piece just tugs at my heartstrings. If this is a true story, I’m so sorry things ended in your relationship the way they did. Ending one is not a fun thing for either party to go through. To be quite frank, there is nothing I did not like concerning this poem. The formatting is nice, and you used pretty straightforward language.
I hope to see more of your writing in the near future. I really did enjoy this piece very much and I hope you get over your heartbreak soon and find someone who can treat you like you deserve.
I hope this review helped you in some way.
Cheers!
MintyLeaf <3
Ok first off I wanna say you did a good job. Pobodys Nerfect so there will always be critiques.
First I just wanna say that your profile says your 24 so I will assume that is your real age. Your young dont be tied down by somebody elses one mistake... Or two.
Trust me there is always somebody else better. Idk if you believe in soulmates but the best part about NOT finding them is realizing you haven't so no need to waste time with the person who isn't your soulmate. Never let anyone get over on you no matter how awkward it maybe or feel to assert yourself.
Ok... Now to the review part...
To me, a work is good enough when it has a clear message(s) and it comes to the reader vividly, flair and dramatics, and mystery are bonuses and make the work even greater. That being said the entire poem felt flat and boring. Never simplify your art
Ex. Instead of ( Fill my pool with mud ) how about ( Tainted my soul, droplets of acid rain, distorting my waters, I drink, stupidly, the poison leaking from the corners of my lips, he kisses me and heals me and for the moment forget he was the very one who brought me to this hollow place)
When it comes to any form of art just dont be afraid to dig deep... Or dramatize... It may help you feel better and you will look back on your work and be able to say you did your best.