Published August 31, 2012
Everyone knows that stories are meant to be told. That they will always begin with a once upon a time and end with a happily ever after. That for every knight in shineing armor there is a damsel in distress waiting for a hero. This is simply the nature of stories, they don't mean to be that way, they just are. But that's a good thing, is it not, for it keeps stories in the realm of fantasy and story tellers in reality. That is the way things are, and the way they are meant to be. But there is one story that is quite diffrent. One story that holds itself apart from all the others. It isn't told particularly often, nor is it well known, but it is a fantastic story no less. This however, is not that story. This story is what happened AFTER.
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139,613 Literary Works • 672,625 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Alright, that's a very interesting choice of words there in what appears to either be the first paragraph of a work or potentially the prologue to something here. We've got ourselves this narrator that appears to think every story is based off the damsel in distress and the knight in shining, which is fair, and nice to see...but then they proceed to tease us with the possibility of an important story that's rather different and then flat out just say that they're going to tell us what happens after this story and not the story itself...which seems a bit odd, the hype created for that is then a bit pointless...not to mention it seems like one would not really understand what happens after the story, if one doesn't know the story itself.
That might just be me being a bit picky there, but that is kind of the vibe I get from this here prologue. It does still manage to catch my attention, and I do believe I would turn those pages and read on to see what this story could possibly be about, but I do feel like that needs just a bit of a rephrase there so that it doesn't come off as this narrating hyping up something and then refusing to talk about it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I want to read more.
It's short, simple, tells you about what's coming after and I think once you've written it - it'll be really good. Maybe run it through a spellchecker? the u comes after the g in prologue?...and people have already told you about the capital letters and stuff so..that's ok.But those are small things that you can sort really easily so...keep it up.
Thank you all for your comments. I'm terribly sorry for the mistakes and the horrible programming as well for the rough writing. I wrote this on the school computer at the end of class, and I'm still not accustomed to the way NHS works now. I hope my editing helped a bit!
Color me intrigued...I think the other reviewers have done a pretty splendid job of dissecting this and helping you out, so I'll try not to repeat too much of what's already been said. You have spelling and grammar errors, year, and I would also recommend not capslocking AFTER. It just makes it seem like it's trying too hard to stand out. I would probably write it "This, however, is no that story. This story, dear reader, is what happens after...." or something similar. That way, it leads off into the tale you're about to tell. In any case, I'm enamored with this, and hope you continue your story.
Keep writing!
It seems like it has the chance to be a truly gripping story, if you develop it further. As prologues go, it was rather short, which in some cases is a good thing to keep it short and simple, to go along with the urgency of the story. I'm not sure this is one of those times, love. There were numerous spelling errors, like 'shining', which has no e as you put, and 'different', which has an extra e.
However, besides that, I'm rather excited--it was interesting, and pretty vague, which leaves lots of room for interpretation. I'm looking forward to see what you do with this story...it could literally be ANYTHING.
Yours psychotically,
- thelocalmaniac
-Prolouge-
Okay, first - I don't think HTML coding works on here anymore. Do you not have the option to change it to italics or bold in a normal way, like the word way. I having visited the posting area in quite a while, I'm not sure. xD
Everyone knows that stories are meant to be told. That they will always begin with a once upon a time and end with a happily ever after. That for every knight in shineing (It's spelt 'shining' I think it might just be a typo) armor there is a damsel in distress waiting for a hero.
I think it would sound best if it was "there is a damsel in distress waiting for him" It's up to you.
This is simply the nature of stories, they don't mean to be that way, they just are. But that's a good thing, is it not-
I think you should insert a question mark here. Most people, if not all will read this in a certain voice and my voice reads this as a question, if you understand what I mean.
for it keeps stories in the realm of fantasy and story tellers in reality. That is the way things are, and the way they are meant to be. But there is one story that is quite diffrent. One story that holds itself apart from all the others. It isn't told particularly often, nor is it well known, but it is a fantastic story no less. This however, is not that story. This story is what happened AFTER.
I used to use caps a lot, but then learned it's a lot more effective to put the word in itallics or after a ... or just a separate sentence.
I hope this helps, I actually really enjoyed this even if it is short - openings like this use to drag me in when I used to read when I was younger, you don't get many these days or maybe it's because I write more than I read.
Keep writing, Red. xoxo.
Hmmmm.... Well this sounds interesting I guess, but the thing is you have a lot of spelling mistakes and your writing style needs a little work perhaps. I want to read more though before I pass judgement upon it. So I will wait for you to continue, so please impress me.