The Escape Plan

The Escape Plan

Sydney Fabis

            When we leave, it will be dark enough to call night, but early enough to call it morning. We’ll hop in the car, turn up the heat and start to come alive. You’ll come to a state of consciousness where you turn on the radio and the music will fill the car. We’ll drive long enough to see a highway sunrise and by then we’ll both be singing show-tunes. By noon, or maybe even earlier, we’ll get off at an exit and hunt for lunch. We’ll eat at some decrepit, roadside diner, not yet desperate enough for fast food, and it will taste like a five star meal. Wearily, we’ll return to our car, now driven by you. We’ll shut off the heat as the sun has finally warmed the earth. We’ll keep the windows down as we speed along, breathing in the air of freedom. We’ll talk and learn and see parts of the world we could only imagine. Soon we’ll watch a highway sunset and search for a motel. We’ll see the fee and decide that we can sleep in the car. We’ll get ready for bed in a gas station bathroom, better than a bush, and count the miles left. We’ll wake up and do it again the next day, and the next, and the next. Then finally we’ll see it in the distance. After 2,008 miles, we’ll reach our destination, our dream, and our escape plan. We all need one, and ours is perfect. But that’s the funny thing about life, it never goes according to plan.

****

When Kate and I devised this crazy scheme, we were young, only fifteen. We were both filled with adventure and wanderlust. We were just two best friends who had hatched a dream plan, an escape from suburbia. We were the oddest of friends, so different yet so similar. I had the advantage of traveling around the US, seeing places and sights only nature could create. I had carried a mental map of every place I visited, seeing all the beauty and destruction one could imagine. Kate, well she was different. She hadn’t seen a lot in her short life, she was naïve and had a heart that was almost too big. However, she had one thing I didn’t have, a fire inside. I had ambitions, goals, passions, dreams. But Kate? Kate had the wilderness inside of her. For every way that I was domesticated and trained, she was wild and dangerous. She had the heart of a lover, with the passion of a fighter, but her brain could never seem to get the two connected. She had dreams of running away, becoming famous, living as something more than her mother’s daughter, but she was never sure how to do it.

The first time she told me her hopes and dreams of the future, we made the escape plan. I knew what to do. Our destination was Santa Monica, right on the beach. I had always loved the ocean, the peaceful scene it set, with its tranquil waves and sea life. I had only been once before, when I was young, but I still vividly remembered the pier. I would tell Kate all about the creaks and groans it would make as water rushed to its calloused legs. When I closed my eyes I could see every crack and swirl of that pier. I wanted her to see it too, to experience the beauty. She had never seen the ocean in person. To her, waves were nothing short of a myth. Kate always dreamed of going, of seeing the waves and the tide. She longed to take a swim in the freedom of nature. I imagined that we could sit in peace and watch the waves give and take pieces of the earth. We could make something of ourselves there. There were good colleges, good industry and a land full of opportunity. It was all we could ever hope for. We were the closest two people could ever get, always at each other’s sides, never at our throats. We told each other everything and knew the other better than our parents ever would. When one of us had a rough day we would sit on the other’s couch and talk of the escape plan. Kate would always ask, “Danny, how many more days till you get your license?” Every time she asked, I had an answer. I counted down each day. On my sixteenth birthday, Kate called me first thing and left a message only she could. In her perky voice she said, “Danny, good luck today. I know you’ll do great. Just remember, its all for The Plan. Call me when you’re done, ok? Oh, and Happy Birthday!” I never erased her message. I got my license and a sharp little Saturn Aura, lovingly named Sammy. Once I got home from the DMV, Kate was on my porch waiting. She hugged me and we got in the car. We drove to get ice cream and she gave me my gift. It was a CD labeled, Escape Plan Mix-tape. It had a note that read, For our epic road trip. Don’t listen to it before we go. All the music is a surprise for later! Love ya Danny, -Kate.

Years passed. I loved her gift, but I loved her more. She had dated many a guy, but I could never find anyone to love. She was the one I wanted to be with, the girl that I pictured my life with. I used to read the note every day and imagine her saying, “I love you.” I know she could never love me quite like that, but you can’t blame a guy for trying. In December, we began to count down the days till summer. We would be graduating in May and just couldn’t wait. Our plans for college weren’t definite yet, still waiting for more schools, but we knew we had to execute our plan soon. By the time April rolled around, she had changed. None of her top colleges accepted her and she was devastated. She would be stuck in Illinois for the next four years. College wasn’t her dream, but it was her meal ticket out of the suburban prison. I, on the other hand, had been accepted everywhere. She called me one night and whispered, “Danny, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?” I asked, with fear rising inside.

“I can’t live under my parents roof, knowing that they hate me, knowing that they think I’m a failure. I can’t sit here and be an object of ridicule any longer. I’m sorry Danny, I just can’t,” she said, breaking into tears. With every sob, the happy-go-lucky girl I knew fell apart.

“Kate, calm down. You’re scaring me,” I cried. Her helplessness started to break my heart into a million pieces.

“Look Danny, I just… I just…” Her voice was fading in and out now. She sounded raspy and I was terrified.
            “What, Kate? What!”

“…. Good bye, Danny.” She hung up.

I fled to the car, started the engine and sped to her house. I knocked on the door and once her parents opened it, I ran past them. I ran upstairs, took a right down the hall, and threw open the door. Kate stood in the middle of her room sobbing. I was worried she would try to hurt herself; luckily there was no sign of it. I just whispered, “Katie” over and over. She ran to me and I held her. We stood like that until her parents came in, yelling and screaming at her. I never liked her parents. I stood between them, trying to protect Kate from their hurtful words. Kate ran behind me, searching for something in her closet, as words filled with hate flew past me. Kate had a duffle bag in her hand. She turned, nodded to me and I understood perfectly. I grabbed her by the waist as she clung to me. We ran down the stairs, out her front door and into Sammy. I sped out of the driveway as a string of cursing chased us out the door. She was safe now.

We didn’t head to the interstate right away; we decided dinner was more important. We sat in the Taco Bell parking lot and ate fake Mexican. I pulled out my sixteenth birthday present and put it into the CD player. Music filled the car. The first song was my favorite road trip song. I hummed along and for the first time that night, she smiled. I laughed and we joked and things were finally feeling like how they used to be. After a few songs, the music began to slow down. Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling In Love” filled the air. A fast food parking lot never seemed so magical. I laughed uncomfortably.

“What? Something wrong?” asked Kate.

“No,” I answered, “it’s just ironic.”

“What’s so ironic about this song?”

“It’s just one of those songs that you can listen to by yourself, but just feels awkward to listen to with someone else. I mean it’s just that, it’s the kind of song guaranteed to make someone fall in lo-“ She kissed me. She cut me off and stunned me. I couldn’t believe it. I finally had the one thing I’d waited for my whole life. I kissed her back. That moment was the most incredible one of my life. I finally knew what everyone meant by sparks and romance and never-ending joy. I didn’t just feel her on my lips, I felt her everywhere.

After a while the magic began to disappear. It was a school night, the clock read 11:37 and both of our parents were looking for us. We decided we couldn’t escape, not now, not tonight. There was too much we were leaving behind. So we went back into the realm of reality and I dropped her off. I didn’t sleep that night; I stayed awake imagining her lying next to me.

Soon enough it was May, we were graduating. She had kept her distance from me for the past month. I missed her, but carried on. I had chosen a college, University of Michigan, and she found a trade school. We saw each other one last time at graduation. We made empty promises of an escape and spent the summer divided. I thought about her every day, but couldn’t bring myself to call her.

School started, life moved on and I found new friends. I moved past Kate, (or at least I tried) found a new girl, Jenny, and continued to pursue my dreams. I tried to call Kate, but she never returned my call. All my texts went unread. I found myself missing her more and more. One night I fell asleep in the arms of Jenny, only to wake up in a dream. I was on a beach, with the tide coming in. The wind and the waves were blowing around me now and I could barely stand. I looked out and saw Kate. I called to her. She shouted, “Danny, I don’t have much time. I just have to say, I love you.” I ran to her, jumping the waves as they tried to sweep me away. I shouted, “Katie, I love you. I always have and always will!” But the waves and the wind were too much. I couldn’t tell if she heard me or not. I finally got to the end of the beach where she was waiting. I reached out to grab her, to hold her. I shouted again, “I love you!” but the waves picked up Kate and dragged her away. I called to her, shouting, trying to save her. The wind raged on, the sea churned, but all the noise ceased. I heard her say, “Goodbye Danny” before she was dragged under the waves. I sat up in bed, woken by the sound of my phone ringing. I answered, wondering who could be calling at three AM and why I would have such a vivid dream.

“Hello?” I asked groggily, still trying to piece everything together.

“Hi, Daniel , it’s Mom.”

“Mom, what’s going on? Why are calling at three in the morning?”

“Honey, I have to tell you something. I um… well… I saw police go to the Peterson’s front door… Her dad came outside. He came over and told us…”

“Told you what? Mom…”

“…Kate’s dead.” My ears stopped working. I couldn’t breath. The dark room rushed around me.

After a few moments, “Son, are you still there?”

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry,” I said gasping for breath.

“I know you two were very close, “ she continued.

“How did this happen?” I asked, cutting her off.

“Drug overdose. She had gotten in with the wrong sort of people. They brought her to the hospital, did what they could, but it was too late. The worst part is, the doctors think it was intentional. It seemed planned. Her parents said she wrote a letter. It’s addressed to you.”

“I want to come to her funeral. When is it?” I didn’t care if it was rude, or if I wasn’t saying the right thing, I just needed to see her again. I needed to go home. I needed Kate.

“This weekend will be the service. I can send you the details. I’m sorry she’s gone. I know how important she was,” she said. My mom rambled on, grieving in her own way, missing the daughter-in-law she so desperately wanted. I mumbled a few responses and hung up. I didn’t sleep. I just thought of her. How the last time I really saw the real Kate, she had kissed me. How she finally showed her love for me. How after that night, she avoided me. How there must be two Kates running around, and the Kate that would do drugs and kill herself had overpowered the Kate I knew. I wished I had saved the real Kate, but I guess I was too late.

I told Jenny what happened, I told my professors I needed an extension and I left for Chicago. The city that was once my home now felt empty and lonely.  I went to the funeral and stared at her urn. I was lost and felt numb. They asked for people to speak and tell stories. I knew my words wouldn’t help anyone here. Still, I stood up and said the words that had been plaguing my mind.

“Kate was my best friend. She was a true friend and the only person I ever loved. We were so different, in every way. We had different goals, dreams, and ambitions. We loved different music and movies. I had a passion for reading and she only picked up a book to use as a sleep aid. She always saw the good in people while I kept up my guard. But even though she was different, we were friends. They say opposites attract and we were inseparable. My sense of curiosity drove her to explore, and her wild spirit encouraged me to chase my dreams. And while we had so much diversity, there was one thing we shared, our Escape Plan. We planned on running away to Santa Monica to see the ocean. We wanted to have a taste of freedom, and she never got that. We always said, ‘everyone needs an escape’ and that we’d find ours. I guess we didn’t while she was alive, but I plan on escaping today.”

I finished my speech, and there were some claps and tears. I fought mine back and sat down. I hated dead bodies and dead people and funerals, but I was oddly disappointed at the cremation. I wanted to see Kate again. Soon enough, the service was over. Her parents approached, handed me an envelope from Kate and thanked me for my words. I held the package in my hands, treasuring the last thing she touched. I opened it and found a note, her ear buds (a prize possession), and a sketch of a pier. The note was simple:

Dear Danny,

            I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shut myself off to you. I should have told you how I felt and I shouldn’t have ignored your calls. I ran away from my problems, my fears and I ended up in a shitty motel in Chicago. I don’t have any friends here and I didn’t even make it to a trade school. I guess I just wanted that escape we always dreamed of, but I certainly didn’t find it here. So in a way, I am escaping tonight, giving myself the life I wanted. I’ll miss you Danny. I’ve always loved you, even when you had braces and zits. Even when I dated Kyle and slept with Tom, I still loved you. So as much as it hurts to say it, goodbye Danny. I’ll see you again.

Love, Kate.

P.S. Please take me to Santa Monica, you know I always wanted to see the beach.

I couldn’t help but cry after I read her note. It was the last thing the real Kate ever said, the last thing I would have expected and the best thing she ever told me. I wished I hadn’t had to wait until she was gone to hear her say, “I love you.” But I showed her parents her footnote, how she wanted to be taken to California. I argued and put up a fight and finally, they gave me the urn. I put her in the seat next to me and drove home. I visited with my parents and told them my plans. They weren’t happy, but they understood.

****

When I left, it was dark enough to call night, but early enough to call morning. I hopped in the car, turned up the heat and started to come alive. I turned the radio on for you and the music filled the car. I drove long enough to see a highway sunrise and then I sung show-tunes for the both of us. By noon, I got off at an exit and hunted for lunch. I ate at some decrepit, roadside diner and it tasted like a five star meal. Wearily, I returned to my car, wishing you could drive. I shut off the heat because the sun finally warmed the earth. I keep the windows down as we sped along, breathing in the air of freedom. I thought and reminisced and saw parts of the world we could have only imagined. Soon I watched a highway sunset and searched for a motel. I saw the fee and decided that I could sleep in the car. I got ready for bed in a gas station bathroom, better than a bush, and counted the miles left. I woke up and did it again the next day, and the next, and the next. Then finally I saw it in the distance. After 2,008 miles, I’d reached our destination, our dream, and our escape plan. I walked to the pier, holding the urn in my hand. I grabbed a fistful of ashes and kissed my fist. I thought about how life never does go according to plan. I tossed the ashes into the ocean, watched the tide take and give little pieces of the earth. I sighed and whispered, one last time, out into the mist, “I love you, Kate.”