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Still my favorite ride

by FabihaNeera


I remember a time when moments were simply taken for granted. From the eyes of my teenage self - witnessing, for the first time, what would become both my best friend and worst enemy throughout the years. A sleek, red motorcycle - I could feel a gentle breeze upon my face just thinking about it. I couldn’t say that I had a great past, and this motorbike became my only escape route - and it has been with me ever since. Of course, life also keeps moving forward, and before we know it, we’re forced to settle down and create our futures. I wouldn’t say that I’m complaining. Two years ago, my life changed completely, when I met someone to whom my motorcycle could not compare. Maria, a beautiful woman - graceful, gentle, caring and trusting. Together we created our future--and some of my happiest memories. The motorcycle was the centre of it, the epitome of how we had met. She was the saviour who I had so desperately needed. And yet, the one fate wouldn’t allow me to have.

I remember the many late-night rides we took. Breezing through seemingly everlasting roads - with blurred scenes speeding by in our peripheral vision. There were times when we both had scratches from being distracted while riding. I always felt terrified about the possibility of losing my only family, but Maria always laughed it off. I didn’t realize until later that the biggest mistake I ever made was laughing along with her. But at the time, it was just us three against the world. We were a powerful trio - unstoppable in how far or fast we rode. But, all relationships are never perfect, and I could never forget the many arguments we had over stupid things that I never wanted to admit were my fault. The motorcycle was supposed to make everything right again - bringing us closer together through a soothing ride to let us stitch up our differences and start over.

So, why is it different this time?

My mind drifts from earlier memories to the sounds of reality - sirens wail as I feel something heavy being lifted off my body. Voices shout at me, and my body responds to the calls telling me to “wake up!” My bleary eyes open into thin slits, taking in the commotion of people attending to something before realizing what it actually is. At that point, my eyes widen in stark horror as I see the love of my life covered with a white, linen sheet, shielding her motionless body from the outside world. The only part of her left that I could see are her dark brown locks of hair, hanging still over the edges of the cot. What were once vibrant with life were now dull like the blackness above. 

“No, this can’t be happening. Why her? WHY?” I'm alive, though it still seems like every moment with Maria flashes before my eyes. Her stark, blue eyes fill my vision, always searching my gaze for an answer to anything. Now, I so desperately wanted to search hers. "Why did you abandon me? We were supposed to be the perfect family... I'm sorry..."

I try in vain, to scream, to shout, to do anything that would free me from the immense pain that feels as if my lungs are squeezing shut. My meek apologies reach no ears, because who would listen to me now? I'm still stubborn even to the ending of my happy days. All I can do now is stare and listen to the increasing palpitations of my heart. One of the paramedics' notices and reacts quickly to steady me, but my mind is already deep into a world where nothing else matters anymore - until I lock my gaze on my now broken friend that has stuck with me even now. I feel a slight smile touch my lips before my eyes finally give in to a dark void.

_________________________

Flecks of dust dance across my eyes with the sun’s rays, and I stare blankly to let the time pass by. This has become my daily routine now. Ever since I lost her, my mind stays in its own dark place - refusing to listen to me. I turn my head towards the corner of the room, and my eyes glaze over as more painful memories, that I’m trying so hard to forget, flash through my head. My red motorbike leans against the front door, newly fixed, though it’s been sitting there untouched for a long time. After being released from the hospital three months earlier, I came home to my bike waiting by the front door and broke down in tears. I remembered the last angry words I'd spoken to my dear wife and how she'd responded with a tired gesture. She wanted it to end, but I didn’t let it go. We avoided each other for some time, refusing to talk to one another until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had dragged her to my motorbike without any words, wanting desperately to mend what I had broken and thinking that this ride would solve everything. Of course, she never lived another day to find out if it had. Since then, I've left the bike untouched.

This is how quickly life can change, whether in a good or bad way. Nothing I do will bring back the past. All I can do is move on. But, how could I ever move on when she was the only person who let me believe that my life was still worth living? Now it's just me and my motorcycle, and I have never felt more alone. I've considered giving the bike away; perhaps that would relieve me of the agonizing pain in my heart. But I couldn't bring myself to let it go.

“Is there such a thing as wanting to forget and keep memories alive at the same time?”

For now, I have to endure the pain until time allows it to subside. It's the only way I can move on. The sun is setting. Its warm rays cast shadows over my bike. I'm reminded of a time when things were simpler, just me and my ride, until she entered my life. Now I could only pretend that all was right between the two of us and that she isn't the cause of our widening gap. To the rest of the world but myself, the bike is still my favorite ride. Once the bright dots of light peek through in the sky, my bike and I join together within the pool of darkness that would finally hide away our pains.


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42 Reviews


Points: 8
Reviews: 42

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Wed May 08, 2019 5:44 am
seekingthetruth wrote a review...



is this supposed to be a poem or story because by the title I was expecting a poem. but this story is really really , duplicitous and great what I said may have confused you but I will explain. in other words your story is two faced because I thought it was a poem and secondly its great because their is so much tone and so much description and they way you go into detail is inmaculate it brings a ceartain magic to the story you should be really proud because it shows you can make an image for the reader which you did really really well this is exemplifying your skills as a writer
I hope you start to write more and never give up on writing


9.9 / 10




FabihaNeera says...


Thank you!





your so welcome your really talented don't let it go to waste be magnificnant and strong



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Wed May 08, 2019 4:01 am
Tawsif wrote a review...



Fabiha, what a story!

I'm gonna be very honest with you since you've reviewed my stories in the past: I tried to read this a long time ago, but it was the first para that I wasn't able to go past. And after a lot of futile attempts to understand it, I finally gave up. But today I actually went through the entire story and it felt like a brilliant read!

So, let's get to the review.

'From the eyes of my teenage self - witnessing, for the first time, what would become both my best friend and worst enemy throughout the years. A sleek, red motorcycle....'

I didn't get it. Shouldn't you write, 'From the eyes of my teenage self - witnessing, for the first time, what would become both my best friend and worst enemy throughout the years was a sleek, red motorcycle'? Please let me know what you tried to do here.

'I couldn’t say that I had a great past, and this motorbike became my only escape route - and it has been with me ever since.'

I did get this line. Maybe you meant that the bike was your escape from the frustrations of your past life and since then it has stayed with you. But the sentence needs more clarity. This is surely the internal monologue of the MC. But as you wrote, 'I couldn’t say' then you must be talking with somebody, which you practically weren't. And there arises another question that what things you couldn't say: only the fact that you had a great past, or the rest of the things mentioned in the story as a whole? It gets so confusing. Don't take me wrong, but it needs some fixing, Fabiha.

'I didn’t realize until later that the biggest mistake I ever made was laughing along with her. '

I really liked the irony in this line. Brilliant!

'To the rest of the world but myself, the bike is still my favorite ride.'

Another line I didn't get. Please let me know the meaning here.

You have a great skill in narration, Fabiha. Your words and sentences are so lively that the readers will definitely have pictures appearing in their minds while reading your story. And it's probably the best way to engage the reader, and make them feel like they're in the story's world, like the way I felt.

Overall, a wonderful piece full of emotions and conflicts of mind. I really loved it.

Keep writing, and keep reviewing my works, Fabiha.




FabihaNeera says...


Thanks for the thoughtful review! This entire story is a jumble of ideas... but thank you for bearing with it through until the end!

'To the rest of the world but myself, the bike is still my favorite ride.'

What I meant to say in this line was that the rest of the world (we) would continue to believe that the MC still favours the bike because it had been a "friend" to him for so long - that being a reason for still keeping the bike at the end. But only the MC himself knows that he no longer favoured the bike because it brought him painful memories... so its as if he's pretending.

I hope this makes more sense.

Anyway, thanks for pointing out the other places to improve as well... I will look into those!



Tawsif says...


You're welcome.



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Sun Apr 28, 2019 7:07 am
Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hey there! Toboldlygo here on this wonderful Review Day!

First, wow. Just, wow. This was such a powerful piece! I'm really impressed!

I like how you refer to the motorcycle as a friend. It was a really, really nice touch, mainly because it's something people actually do. That being said, what is the motorcycle called? People who refer to their motorized vehicles as friends typically have names for said friends. I would have liked to have known the motorcycle's name.

One thing that I wasn't fond of was that the motorcycle is described in more detail than Maria. I didn't even know who Maria was right away; I initially thought she was the sister of a female main character. It would have been more clear and easier to visualize what was happening and empathize with your character if I had had a more thorough description of Maria: what she looked like, who she was, what her relationship to the character was, why she was important to the story. You answered some of these, but not all, and that made it more difficult to understand what was happening.

One thing I didn't understand was why the sight of the motorcycle made him smile as he was being carried away by ambulance. He just lost his wife, and was devastated by this, but then the motorcycle made him smile, and it seemed like he'd already moved on.

I also don't understand this sentence here: "Now I could only pretend that all was right between the two of us and that she isn't the cause of our widening gap." I just don't understand who is the gap in which relationship, the motorcycle in the relationship with the wife or the wife in the relationship with the motorcycle...

Overall, really fantastic story! Well written, well done.

Toboldlygo




FabihaNeera says...


Thanks for the review! I realize that there's a lot of details I left out... so thanks for pointing them out. For the smile, it could appear as the MC seeing that his long old friend - the motorcycle - was still with him even now, until the MC realizes later that keeping the motorcycle cause painful memories. But, I can also see your point in this appearing as if he'd already moved on. Also, I'll try to clear up the relationship and widening gap sentence. Once again, thank you :)



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Sun Apr 28, 2019 3:30 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on your work on this lovely day. I'm going to also try and help get this out the green room.

Let's start.

So as I was reading this I couldn't see anything wrong. I think this was written really well. But I'll get to that in a sec. I do want to say one thing though, but you don't have to do anything. Maria, what does she look like, you didn't really tell us in the story. I don't quit have an image of her in my head. Now having a description on an outside character is good, because it helps the reader connect with them. But like I said before if you don't agree don't worry about changing anything.

But other than that I really, really liked reading this short story. All the emotion that went into this was really good, I could feel the pain the main character was feeling, when Maria died. Even from the beginning of the story I could feel what he was feeling.
I also think your description was really good, the image of what was going on was also great. the image was so clear in my head, and I felt like I was there the whole time. I also really like who you tell the story, but there isn't really any talking between the characters. I thought that was really well done.
I think the title was a great choice, it is what made me come and read your work. So great job. I really liked reading and reviewing your work for you. I do hope you will keep writing and post more work on YWS. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing this a fiery passion.

Happy review day!!!




FabihaNeera says...


Hello, thanks for the review! :D





No problem. :D




You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.
— Stephen King