The suicide speaks

I don't mean to be rude but I didn't really like this poem. It's seems below average, like something that was forced out instead of letting it flow out of your feelings. It had no emotion. But unlike a lot of people i'm not going to say it's because of your age. But hey, let this be a lesson, don't white about suicide. Unless it's truly in your feelings. Otherwise it could come out wrong because you don't know what it's really like to go through that to actually explain the feelings.


P.S. If you are feeling things about suicide, then ignore what i said about not writing about

To be grammatically correct and have all the words spelled correctly, your poem would look like this (I know Writersdomain got some of them):

My time is coming...
I can't take it anymore!
The pain, the mysery,
The agony, the lonelyness

My time is now...
Don't tell me your sorry
It's too late now
The wounds can no longer be healed

My time is fading...
I'll try to go unnoticed
This one goes out to all the people who hurt me and teased me
How could you have done this to me?

Goodbye, cruel world
You have spat me out
I have come to a decision...
My time is gone


I don't like suicide poems at all (which makes me wonder why I clicked on this topic...ha ha), but this was really, well, boring, even for a suicide poem. Pick something happier and something you feel more strongly about to write about next time.

Thank you, and have a nice day.
-*-*--Diana--*-*-

It occoured to me that people this young (people at ALL) shouldn't be writing suicide stuff.... which is why I probably won't... I didn't really like this... no creative metaphors, in my opinoin, cliche (which is cliche). yeah... nothing more.

Firstly, I'd like to forewarn you that I have a bias against suicide poems.
Okay, now, this seemed really... normal, resembling all the other suicide poems I've read. You didn't present anything new to me, didn't paint any pictures in my head. Therefore, this seemed... dull. I could tell there was a strong emotion behind this, but your words did not pump this through; your words just explained the incident and a few reasons why. They didn't break my heart, encourage me, touch me, give me a new revelation or send me away seeing anything in a different light.
Work on this; analyze your thoughts and think of clever ways to demonstrate them. Utilize imagery, symbolism, all those wonderful things and work on word choice. This language has granted us with some beautiful words; don't be afraid to use them.
Besides the above, I have a few other comments...

The pain, the mysery,
the agony the lonelyness

Don't tell me your sorry

I'll try to go unoticed