Published May 18, 2007
Inspired by Robert Frost's "The Pasture".
I wrote it because I have a deathly fear of cats.
Slinking across the floor on padded feet,
He poisonously leers
As a fearful blush darkens my ears;
A venomous look that sends chills down my spine.
I call for my host (who's seemed to vanish)
As the hissing beast corners me down.
His hair standing up on his back, deep brown;
A venomous look that sends chills down my spine.
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138,325 Literary Works • 672,102 Reviews
Meh. Your images were solid, but the rhyme scheme really didn't do anything for me, and your structure (i.e., linebreaks and the like) is odd. Better luck next time?
That sounds good to me.
Ok, You're completely in the right on the rhyming bit.
As for the rest, I suppose we'll just agree to disagree, then?
No, it's not a random rhyme. The rhyme scheme is a simple ABBC...how is that random?
And I'm pretty sure it's not against "some grammar law or another."
People's ears tend to get red when they're embarrased or scared. You do the math.
As much as I hate to admit it, you were right about the "not my best" thing.
Whoa. random rhyme = funky.
also, I'm pretty sure "corners me down" is against some grammar law or another.
Why exactly wouldyour ears get red when you're terrified? -confused-
Oh, and my pet peeve on crack:
I HATE it when people post a poem with a note saying "not my best..lolz" or "i only wrote it 5 minutes so ya.." or absolutely anything of the sort. If you don't care about the quality of your work, why should we?
ahh. you're an amazing poet.
it's really hard to convey something with only a few words, but you pulled it off.
i love the imagery. [is that a word?]
XD
Wow you ended it at the correct time I agree! Good descriptions! I really liked it!
Sorry about my typo--I corrected it and put it in bold. Thank you all SO much for your corrections on my grammar (I did a really poor job for a grammar snob). I'm guessing I made some improvement since "Magic of Hollywood." Once again, THANK YOU!!!
By ears? Do you mean my ears? Please be more clear, or double check your work for typos.
Don't put a semi colon there. It doesn't belong. Both of those statements are dependent, not two different independent sentences.
There is no punctuation mark at the end of that. Is it supposed to be a period or a comma? It will make the reader hesitate because it ruins the flow of the poem.
Besides a bit sloppy, I think it was quite good. Check the definition for semi colons, and make sure to double check your work!
I found it enjoyable as well. Though there was one awkward phrase: "As a fearful blush darkens by ears" I'm not sure how a blush darkens by ears.
Also, be careful with semicolons; if the part before and after can't stand alone, don't use them.
I liked "corner me down" because it's a new phrase, instead of the typical "stare me down" or something.
Good job.
I agree with Goldie. It was good. You should be proud of yourself. :D
-- M.B.Author
Wow!
Your mental pictures are amazing! Your descriptions of their attitude and appearance are really good. The poem wasn't too long. You cut it off at just the right time. I really liked it! Great job!
Goldie