Driving through the rain
The clouds obscure the trees
Mountains rise to unknown heights
We fly through highs and lows
Of the Highway, the Low way,
Ninety-five.
On ‘rainy’ days like this,
where the weather isn’t sure
whether it is raining,
really raining,
or simply damp,
We have a special kind of cold humidity
Its called ‘clouds.’
And they’re so low,
(Or we’re so high?)
That they puff up your hair
While making your sweatshirt damp.
The forest is a strange creature
resting, coiled, in the summer cold.
With the mist, making wispy patterns
through the mountains, between the trees
appears to hide...
something.
The dark, damp, dreamy mystery
of the forest
my forest
pricks the imagination.
What hides in there? Who?
What lakes, what rivers
What furred forest creatures?
What beasts of lore?
What dancing fey flee from sight?
What romantic characters can be found?
(or envisioned?)
Through the trees, you seem to see...
something.
A snake winds through the forest
beside the highway, through the mist.
It moves swiftly here,
Green and lithe,
But powerful.
This snake can swallow people.
If let loose in the mist,
Sometimes children stray.
More often, though,
Their mothers watch them closely
Careful of their tendency to wander
The mist has a scent:
pine needles mostly,
Then fresh rain
but not the rain smell of new grass,
The rain smell of wet forest.
Dirt turned. Churned. Aired.
The mist has a sound.
Trees whispering, slightly dripping.
Squirrels and birds chirping.
Creeks, (Pronounced Kriks) rushing, swollen
Past quiet deer.
The mist has a feeling.
Peaceful gratitude.
Patience, growth.
Rebirth.
Now that’s a big one.
This land is ancient and infinitely young.
I think it’s the mist.
It washes away the death of winter,
And the mindless bursting spring
it makes way for the peace summer brings.
The land is new
in Idaho Mist
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
This is an amazing poem.
I love all of the descriptions that you use. You described a rainy, misty forest perfectly. I was able to get very clear images in my head when I read it.
I do have a couple suggestions to make, though. Your use of punctuation seemed to be just fine, except in some places I felt that there should've been a comma or some other mark and there wasn't.
I also noticed in the first stanza that you capitalized highway and low. I'm not sure if you meant to do that or if it was just accidental, since I didn't notice it anywhere else in the piece, except in the last line.
And I noticed "ninety-five" was misspelled.
Other that that, I love this piece and it is very good. Keep writing!
Did you like your own work or is that just a random fluke of the like button? My first impression of this work is that the print is small; almost too small for me to read. You've got to try to make your work accessible. It's spelt "Ninety-five" not "Ninty-five". I wish you didn't interrupt the poem to tell the pronunciation of a word. It kind of distracts from the flow itself of the poem and pulls one out of the poem for a moment so they have to re-emmerse themselves in the poem. Also, at the beginning of the last stanza, I would cut out the "I think." We already know that these thoughts are your opinions and you're writing down what you think; it's repetitive to say that in the poem.
Parts of the poem have more flow than others, and you maybe should reread the poem with only the flow of the words in mind. However, be cautious at that approach and don't lose the image or the sense of the words for the sake of the flow.
I love how the poem has a way of pulling you along so you don't even notice how long it is, you just want to read on.
Exquisite poem; hope this review help. Happy writing!
-tgirly
Hey Flyer, I'm Day and I'm here to review your poem!
First off, I would just like to say... Wow. This is amazing! I love the way you've focused on the natural beauty but still gave the mist center stage. It was just... amazing. I've never read anything like this before, and I don't mean that as an insult. You have a sort of rhythm here even though it's freeverse. The feelings that you mean to convey (I think) have gotten across very well. It's a very powerful poem. I love it, every single bit of it.
I didn't really find any mistakes but there's a tiny little thing I noticed:
Now, I am aware of poetic license, meaning when writing a poem, you can disregard normal punctuation rules, but I feel like there should be a comma after 'closely'. Maybe it's just me, but it would seem more suitable that way.
And another tiny thing:
The spelling of Ninety-five is wrong. Just a nitpick, but I'm particularly strict about spelling. It kind of distracted me from the beginning.
Which is why I didn't find the beginning quite as powerful as the rest of your poem. Not wholly why, but part of the reason why. I've said this many times before to many different people, but it is essential for your story/chapter/poem to have good grammar and punctuation. Otherwise, readers like me are distracted from the actual piece by these tiny mistakes. That is why it's important to have not even a single mistake in your article.
But other than that, I didn't find anything else amiss with your poem. Once again, this is really good! I will gladly review anything that you write from now on, because it's so awesome.
I hope this review helped you improve your poetry (though I don't see how you could do that without becoming a poetry god or something
-Day