Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Narrative


Idaho Mist

by FLyerS


Driving through the rain

The clouds obscure the trees

Mountains rise to unknown heights

We fly through highs and lows

Of the Highway, the Low way,

Ninety-five. 

 

On ‘rainy’ days like this,

where the weather isn’t sure

whether it is raining,

really raining,

or simply damp,

 

We have a special kind of cold humidity

Its called ‘clouds.’

And they’re so low,

(Or we’re so high?)

That they puff up your hair

While making your sweatshirt damp.

 

The forest is a strange creature

resting, coiled, in the summer cold.

With the mist, making wispy patterns

through the mountains, between the trees

appears to hide...

something.

 

The dark, damp, dreamy mystery

of the forest

my forest

pricks the imagination.

What hides in there? Who?

What lakes, what rivers

What furred forest creatures?

 

What beasts of lore?

What dancing fey flee from sight?

What romantic characters can be found?

(or envisioned?)

Through the trees, you seem to see...

something.

A snake winds through the forest

beside the highway, through the mist.

It moves swiftly here,

Green and lithe,

But powerful.

This snake can swallow people.

 

If let loose in the mist,

Sometimes children stray.

More often, though,

Their mothers watch them closely

Careful of their tendency to wander

 

The mist has a scent:

pine needles mostly,

Then fresh rain

but not the rain smell of new grass,

The rain smell of wet forest.

Dirt turned. Churned. Aired.

 

The mist has a sound.

Trees whispering, slightly dripping.

Squirrels and birds chirping.

Creeks, (Pronounced Kriks) rushing, swollen

Past quiet deer.

 

The mist has a feeling.

Peaceful gratitude. 

Patience, growth.

Rebirth.

Now that’s a big one.

This land is ancient and infinitely young.

 

I think it’s the mist.

It washes away the death of winter,

And the mindless bursting spring

it makes way for the peace summer brings.

The land is new

in Idaho Mist


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 334
Reviews: 8

Donate
Wed Jun 20, 2012 10:23 pm
lovethemusic wrote a review...



This is an amazing poem.

I love all of the descriptions that you use. You described a rainy, misty forest perfectly. I was able to get very clear images in my head when I read it.

I do have a couple suggestions to make, though. Your use of punctuation seemed to be just fine, except in some places I felt that there should've been a comma or some other mark and there wasn't.

I also noticed in the first stanza that you capitalized highway and low. I'm not sure if you meant to do that or if it was just accidental, since I didn't notice it anywhere else in the piece, except in the last line.

And I noticed "ninety-five" was misspelled.

Other that that, I love this piece and it is very good. Keep writing!




User avatar
374 Reviews


Points: 1747
Reviews: 374

Donate
Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:56 am
tgirly wrote a review...



Did you like your own work or is that just a random fluke of the like button? My first impression of this work is that the print is small; almost too small for me to read. You've got to try to make your work accessible. It's spelt "Ninety-five" not "Ninty-five". I wish you didn't interrupt the poem to tell the pronunciation of a word. It kind of distracts from the flow itself of the poem and pulls one out of the poem for a moment so they have to re-emmerse themselves in the poem. Also, at the beginning of the last stanza, I would cut out the "I think." We already know that these thoughts are your opinions and you're writing down what you think; it's repetitive to say that in the poem.
Parts of the poem have more flow than others, and you maybe should reread the poem with only the flow of the words in mind. However, be cautious at that approach and don't lose the image or the sense of the words for the sake of the flow.
I love how the poem has a way of pulling you along so you don't even notice how long it is, you just want to read on.
Exquisite poem; hope this review help. Happy writing!
-tgirly




User avatar
40 Reviews


Points: 2067
Reviews: 40

Donate
Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:48 am
TheDayBeforeTomorrow wrote a review...



Hey Flyer, I'm Day and I'm here to review your poem! :)

First off, I would just like to say... Wow. This is amazing! I love the way you've focused on the natural beauty but still gave the mist center stage. It was just... amazing. I've never read anything like this before, and I don't mean that as an insult. You have a sort of rhythm here even though it's freeverse. The feelings that you mean to convey (I think) have gotten across very well. It's a very powerful poem. I love it, every single bit of it.

I didn't really find any mistakes but there's a tiny little thing I noticed:

Their mothers watch them closely
Careful of their tendency to wander


Now, I am aware of poetic license, meaning when writing a poem, you can disregard normal punctuation rules, but I feel like there should be a comma after 'closely'. Maybe it's just me, but it would seem more suitable that way.

And another tiny thing:

Of the Highway, the Low way,
Ninty-five.


The spelling of Ninety-five is wrong. Just a nitpick, but I'm particularly strict about spelling. It kind of distracted me from the beginning.

Which is why I didn't find the beginning quite as powerful as the rest of your poem. Not wholly why, but part of the reason why. I've said this many times before to many different people, but it is essential for your story/chapter/poem to have good grammar and punctuation. Otherwise, readers like me are distracted from the actual piece by these tiny mistakes. That is why it's important to have not even a single mistake in your article.

But other than that, I didn't find anything else amiss with your poem. Once again, this is really good! I will gladly review anything that you write from now on, because it's so awesome.

I hope this review helped you improve your poetry (though I don't see how you could do that without becoming a poetry god or something :P ). Keep writing!

-Day





There are those who say that life is like a book, with chapters for each event in your life and a limited number of pages on which you can spend your time. But I prefer to think that a book is like a life, particularly a good one, which is well to worth staying up all night to finish.
— Lemony Snicket