God's children

by FLyerS

  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

Published February 3, 2009

God's children, they are young and small,
But God collects and keeps them all.
When He lays them down to sleep,
He keeps their dreams from things that creep.

He waits with them all through the night,
Watching their dreams for things of fright,
He scares the demons back down their hole,
Like the most ungraceful mole.

Then He smiles, and the sun shines through,
Bringing the day so bright an new,
Then His children, fresh from sleep,
Awake the world from her slumber deep.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
daydreamer9
Review
daydreamer9 wrote a review Review · Feb 3, 2009

This is a very touching piece. I like how you used a subject for conventional for the foundation of your poem. It's very simple and can relate to many. I have only a few critiques.

God's children, they are young and small,


I don't know if there should be a comma after children. Consider a colon/semi-colon.

Bringing the day so bright an new,


"an" should be "and"

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I really liked this piece. I think there could be some addition to it, since it is a complex topic. Pleace let me know if you decide to revise it. I'd like to see what changes you make.

So far, very good. Keep going.

Feel free to PM me with any questions! :]

-dd9

User avatar
tori1234
Review
tori1234 wrote a review Review · Feb 3, 2009

I really liked that, and I'm glad people are writing poetry about things that are actually important.
Just one problem though, the last line in the second stanza sounds a little off.
"Like the most ungraceful mole"
I'd change that to, "Because he cares about our souls"
Or something like that.
Keep up the good work!

Keep writing!

God bless!



I was flummoxed by fractious Franny's decision to abrogate analgesics for the moribund victims of the recent conflagration. Of course, to display histrionics was discretionary, but I did so anyways, implicating a friend in my drama to make the effect cumulative. I think a misanthrope would have a prosaic appellation, perhaps one related to autonomy and the rejection of anthropocentrism. I think they wouldn't think much of the prominence of watching the coagulation of tea to prognosticate future malevolent events, not even if those events were related to jurisprudence.
— Spearmint