My name is Calvin Gray
and I'm a kid, I'm also a fugitive, and I'm also superhuman
For as long as I can remember I have been part of an malicious program known as The Fate Institute a place where kids like me come some willingly some by force. The Institute takes you and molds you into a superhuman monster demanding you to kill, steal, and destroy anything that oppress them and their goals this being so nobody has ever stood up to the Fate Program until now.........I'm no longer Calvin Gray and I'm no longer a kid I'm Porter the superhuman fugitive.
[i]This is was just a beginning i was thinking about not sure if i like it or not but i do want to get some other opinions so please feel free>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> thanks 
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm.... well this honestly sounds a bit like the opening narration that one might see in a tv show or a film than the opening to a novel exactly, but this does seem like an intriguing concept. It won't exactly be the most unique of ideas to be passing through but it does definitely seem like its capable of doing enough to work as its own thing here.
I do like that it seems you've gotten a decent sketch of the world planned out already. You might want to try and make these names feels somewhat more grounded than this currently is, or I suppose in a different you could try and lean into the idea a little more and make things even more dramatic and silly. There's definitely two ways to be heading in there.
At any rate I think you have got an idea with a decent bit of potential lurking here. If you can try and make it your own in at least a couple of ways in terms of how this turns into an actual plot, this could certainly be something here. On its own as a premise it works even though it does leave quite a lot of work left to be done.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I liked the idea of an organisation that trains kids to be superhuman, or as you said “Moulds” the kids into super humans. I liked the idea that the character has escaped and is now a fugitive. I think you should have put in a little detail about him though but apart from that very nice.
All the best.
Hey Fates ^^ I'm Shina, and I'll be your reviewer this evening
Welcome to YWS!
I'm sure your teacher has told you that "My name is (inserthere)" is elementary school, yes? Well, it doesn't only go for school, but for real writing also. The hook (first sentence of a story) is a very important part since it introduces a reader to your story, it's basically the window to your world.
You have to make sure it captures their attention and it has to be unique. Something about it has to draw them in or else they'll toss your book back on the shelf and find something else.
Hooks usually start where the action is or during an event. My teachers taught me how to use a W.A.D.I.W.I. beginning. Where, Action, Dialogue, Introduce a Character, When, Interesting Comment.
It really helped for the proficiencies and when I was new to writing, maybe it'll help you.
"And" and "Also" are repetitive. You need to find a way to show this instead of just telling the reader all of these things. There's no conflict. Even though the MC is a kid and a fugitive, he is a superhuman, and you say it so plainly, which ruins the suspense.
Ellipses are only three periods
I think this is a decent outline, but now you need to flesh it out into a story... which might've been what you said, but I guess I wasn't paying attention O_O I apologize if you said that and I totally ignored it. I think the new bands on my braces and the fact that I have the eat things like a moron is distracting me xD
Just make sure to expand on the plot!
-Shina
I think that grammar is an issue and I agree that it needs to be re-written. For example:
There needs to be a comma in here, it just doesn't flow very well. Perhaps after the word kid, or you could just start a new sentence, to put more effect onto the bit that says:
I liked how it reminded me of Heroes.
Bonjour, mon amie! (Mes amis would be many friends xD)
Well, this is... short.
Post more next time! There's hardly anything to critique, but I'll try...
The "also" parts become very repetitive.
Try: "My name is Calvin Gray. I'm a kid, a fugitive, and a superhuman."
But! nice hook. Short, snappy, it got my attention.
A malicious.
An comes before a vowel, e.g -- an orange, a cat.
Whoooa, slow down! That is a run-on sentence.
It should read: I have been part of a malicious program known as the Fate Institute, a place were kids like me can choose to go. Of course, not everyone had a choice."
See how much better that flows?
Just break this up into different sentences, please.
Mmk. This makes no sense. At all. Read this out loud. Does it flow to you>? It should be several sentences.
Also, I think this is too much telling. It's the first paragraph and I already have been told all this stuff about my character's background. I'd rather see Calvin in action at the Fate Institute.
Ellipses only need three periods. ...
Mkay?
Again, this is a run on.
I'm sorry but this really does call for a re-write. Grammatically, this makes no sense. But you have a good plot going. I'd like to read more.
Good luck and happy editing,
Antigone
Hello, hello, mes amis, welcome to YWS!
As for your piece. It's very short so there's not much to say about it.
However . . .
Nice hook; good job. But the second part is grammatically messed up. A much better phrasing would be "and I'm a kid, a fugitive, and a superhuman." You don't need all the extra words like "also."
You're missing quite a bit of punctuation here! What you need: "For as long as I can remember, I have been part of a malicious program known as The Fate Institute, a place where kids like me come; some willingly, some by force."
You had this problem in the next sentence, too. Study up on your comma placement; you're missing a lot of them.
Also, you don't need the "an" before "malicious." "An" is only used when the following word begins with a vowel, i.e. "an apple."
Once you get your grammar down, it'll be a lot easier for people to review what's so much more important: the plot, the characters, everything that makes a story a story. You seem to have an interesting plot going here, but no one's going to be able to read it if you don't write it so that it can be understood.
Keep working on this.
And keep writing!
-Hawkie-