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E - Everyone

alone

by F0xTr0t


As i sit here on my own

I think it's not bad to be alone

Everything around is dead quiet to me

Maybe that's the way things should be?

It's dangerous to be alone with your thoughts

I hear it can leave you a bit distraught 

Even if you have the calmest mind

It's not a great way to pass time

If your mind is deep and dark

It isn't advised on any part

Problems concerns and or issues?

I'd simply suggest a pack of tissues

I knew a girl with a deep dark mind

Who sat and did this all the time

This girl started thinking ahead

The very next day she was proclaimed ..

Dead.


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Points: 33
Reviews: 7

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Mon Oct 28, 2019 5:30 am
SidPorter1 says...



When I first saw this I truly didn't expect much but you have suprised me. This talks about how loneliness truly affects the human psyche, we live in a generation where everyone wants to be alone. This shows us it's not right.




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Points: 33
Reviews: 7

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Mon Oct 28, 2019 5:29 am
SidPorter1 says...



When I first saw this I truly didn't expect much but you have suprised me. This talks about how loneliness truly affects the human psyche, we live in a generation where everyone wants to be alone. This shows us it's not right.




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44 Reviews


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Sun Oct 27, 2019 2:53 pm
dahlia58 wrote a review...



This was a very somber poem (in a good way). Indeed, it's dangerous and unhealthy to be left alone with your own thoughts if you're feeling depressed. I noticed a few contradictory points throughout the poem. For example, when the poem switches from describing how it feels okay to be alone to saying how dangerous it is, and when it "isn't advised" to keep your dark thoughts to yourself, but right after that, the speaker begins talking about how a pack of tissues is enough comfort.

However, I feel that these contradictions reflect the unstable mind of a solitary, depressed individual very well. I see no problem with them being there.

This is a good work. Please do write more. ^^




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Sun Oct 27, 2019 12:28 pm
itsmejr wrote a review...



Hello F0x! A quick review for you. I like the beginning of this poem, its very relatable to me.
'As I sit here on my own / I think it's not bad to be alone.'

I think this line could flow better if you put it as
"As I sit here on my own / it feels good to be alone"!

I feel like the mood changes really quickly from calm to dark after the first few lines " Its dangerous to be alone with your thoughts"

Maybe expand a little on how alone time can be good for a couple more stanzas before switching to the darker side of being alone, just so it doesn't confuse the reader.

There are a couple other spots in the beginning that could have a better flow but over all I think it was a great first draft. I can't wait to see what you do with this!

😊
-j.r




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Sun Oct 27, 2019 11:18 am
hiraeth wrote a review...



Hi Fox! Here to leave you a review!

So, this got me kind of confused. You seem to contradict yourself throught out the poem (was that meant to be the effect, though?). The narrator says, "it's not too bad to be alone," but then again there's a line that says, "it's dangerous to be alone with your thoughts" which doesn't make sense or mix well together, know what i mean?

Then there's that bit about the girl at the end, which just came out of nowhere. I can't see the point? Like, was the incident supposed to be a warning, or an example, or the consequences of being alone with yourself? It seems kind of extreme to me, though it does match the dark theme of the poem.

You've got good rhymes, and your grmmar is good. What this poem needs is organization. Remember, it NEEDS to make sense to the reader. The point of publishing is so that your audience appreciates your writing, and for that to happen, the must understand it first. I'm being reduntant, but it really was kind of diificult for me to grasp the plot point of the poem. (My fault i guess i'm just being thick :) )

Anyway, all this was just advice, so feel free to ignore anything and everything i just said. i hope i didn't come across as too harsh, because you've got the skills. Keep writing, because practice makes perfect, and i'd love to see what you come up with in the future. :)




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Sun Oct 27, 2019 10:14 am
F0xTr0t says...







Science is the key to our future, and if you don’t believe in science, then you’re holding everybody back. And it’s fine if you as an adult want to run around pretending or claiming that you don’t believe in evolution, but if we educate a generation of people who don’t believe in science, that’s a recipe for disaster. We talk about the Internet. That comes from science. Weather forecasting. That comes from science. The main idea in all of biology is evolution. To not teach it to our young people is wrong.
— Bill Nye