Published January 4, 2006
Okay so this is my first post on this site so don't be too mean....Please ...
The cup sat unobtrusively in the center of the kitchen shelf and to the naked eye, besides being slightly battered, it seemed to be an ordinary cup. And yet to anyone within the Wolfe family it was an icon of matriarchal superiority. Handed down from one generation of disappointed housewives to the next it was, I am ashamed to say, our version of a treasured heirloom. Whenever a female relative entered the house it was greeted with revered choruses of
“Whisha isn’t it great to see a bit of tradition still alive today”.
Somehow I didn’t agree.
I could never understand this how this thing could be classed as a heirloom as I had been well informed ( from various cartoon strips and t.v.) that a heirloom was usually an item of material value like an 18th century broach or the like . This mug defied this definition completely. From the few areas where it retained its original color it was a rotten tomato red. In my innocent 7 year old mind it resembled a toadstool swimming in a sea of teracotta muck. It handle which I guessed had once been a semicircle was now a sharp stump ready to maul any poor, innocent child’s curiosity. But the crème de la crème remained underneath the sharp, fluky brim. Its “delicate nature” prevented my houseproud mother from ever washing the damn thing and so it had developed a thick white flowery skum inside it . Heirloom or not I still hated it with a passion and it was only a matter of time before disaster struck…[pre][/pre]
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137,428 Literary Works • 672,015 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Okay this one is a object that I have not seen as the focus of a story on YWS before so definitely appreciate the fresh idea. The story itself flows pretty well. The one thing I noticed is that this barely seems to have anything remotely resembling a plot because it just describes the cup and alludes to something dangerous that might happen but besides that nothing really happens.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that's definitely something that I personally have not run into before so points for a very original idea for the beginning of this. It's also a pretty catchy start, it definitely caught my attention quite a bit so good job there as well.
Well that is some strong language from this child. Definitely seems to be scoffing that tradition quite a bit. The description itself was also really good. I can just picture that image in my head quite well. So great job there as well. And there was also a nice and suitably ominous cliffhanger to end things as well so that's certainly quite neat.
Aaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it was a pretty interesting read for sure. The language was pretty good. We got a real good sense of this cup and the history behind it and how this main character feels about said tradition and the cup itself. And all of those are good things. Besides the lack of a proper plot, this is a pretty well written story so good job.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Surfergirl...
Grammer is required, and that post wasn't very "grammer" - ish.
Haha.
Nice job.
*Wont' care if I win or not.*
Grammer is required but. It was very decriptive and makes me worry i might not win the challenge.
Wellcome!
First of all, welcome to the YWS!
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As for your writing,
good job! This peice is very well-written.I wish I could critique it grammaricly, but grammar is NOT my area of specialty.