Young Writers Society

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this very interesting poem about the desire which we sometimes have for being invisible. I like the way that you compare communication via writing alone as a form of invisibility and being perceived as beautiful. I also like the poem because it encourages deep thinking on very important social issues such as the right to privacy. The reasons for the speaker desiring invincibility are clearly explained and most appear to be relatively unharmful.

Unfortunately, some of the reasons that invisibility might be desired aren't always as noble as yours. For example, a rapist might want to be invisible in order to approach a victim unseen. Burglars might want it to steal from apartments or houses. Soldiers might want it to avoid getting shot at or to shoot or snipe the enemy undetected. A spy might want it to steel secrets. Others who are nosey by nature might desire it to eavesdrop on what others are doing or saying. Peeping Toms would have a ball being invisible. Serial killers and child molesting kidnappers would enjoy being invisible since they could approach victims unseen and evade the police.

So the reasons that your poem provides, such as hiding ugliness of the body are relatively noble in comparison.



Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Suggestions

Always pass the composition through a spell checker.

Everone else says.... [Everyone else....]

Separating the statements into stanzas would have made it more readable for me.

"I could stare at them all forever

no one would care if I were"

Always check the statements for veracity. It is very hard to imagine people not caring that an invisible person is listening in silence and staring at them as they speak.

Hello, I'm here to review your poem.

This is a wonderful poem. I like how you start off with the what you see or hear from the people around you. You start by saying how they have points in their lives where they want to be invisible, but they are just thinking it not truly wanting it. It's kinda like you were saying that the people that wish to be invisible without a real reason, like you later go on to discuss your reason, are sometimes just saying stuff like that to get attention. (Not saying that all people do that, but the people around me do that a lot.)

Your reasoning for wanting to be invisible is because you see all of your flaws, that maybe other people don't see. You go on telling how if one thing wasn't like how it was, then no one would have to see it, that if you were invisible, then you wouldn't have to live with people judging you with how you appear.(Just what I think.)

In other words, you're comparing your looks to others. Like if you didn't have this then the people wouldn't have to see that. It's like you just want that peculiar flaw to be invisible so that other people wouldn't have to look at it/see it.

Anyway, your poem was great. It was deep and it had feeling in it. I hope can read more of your work like this in the feature. Keep up the good work!

~Namjoon~

The composition of this poem is great! Touching words, and good self-esteem points. Through my current life, everyone around me is mostly going "I want to die. Kill me now," or, "it's so ugly oh my gosh," so It's so nice to know that there are people out there who actually think of themselves like this. One thing, though, the kind of tempo of the poem and the format could be better developed. Reading the poem, it would be going alright, then all of a sudden there would be a stop. The commas didn't help, and though that would grammatically make sense, the paragraphing needs some work. Great poem, keep writing!

hi there, it's londone! i'm here to review your work.

Though simple, this piece dove deep into me. I do agree that probably everyone has wanted to feel invisible, may it be that you embarrassed yourself or you're afraid of actually being embarrassed. The possibilities as to why you may feel this way are endless. It seems to me that you are struggling with self-image here--which I completely get and relate with. I do love the soft touch you've made on this piece. You seem to see the best of any situation and make the most of wanting to be invisible. It's interesting that you see writing as a way to crawl out of that place, and I am extremely happy that you've chosen to open up to us and discuss how you feel. I did find an error or two in terms of spelling/grammar:

Everone else says funny and clever things