Hello there! So I clicked this because sci-fi and adventure sounds pretty cool
Some technical notes: The pronoun switching. I see that you had originally used 1st person and eventually changed, but I just want to mention it because it kind of bothered me and it was a little difficult to go through the opening paragraphs. Hope this doesn't sound too offensive or anything, but those are just my thoughts.
So I agree a lot with MJ about the mood swings. I'm not a big fan of them and they threw me off a little. I can kind of understand the "Good, you're back home!" to "Why did you go out SO MUCH?" kind of transition, but the jumps (especially from "I love you" to "I'm gonna kill you" are so sudden that despite the fact that she's like that with Fen, it still felt startling. Since we're in Cayde's head for the moment, perhaps her inner monologue could smooth the swings a little.
I feel like Fen is a really fanciful man? He's quite different from Cayde's moodiness and I really like the way his light-heartedness adds to the atmosphere. I'm imagining that Cayde doesn't actually mean to kill him and he knows it and responds in kind. Like the "I'm too cute to kill" (*snickers*).
Another note I have is that the pacing of the dialogue is so fast. I'm suspecting that this is because the couple are having something like an "interview". Cayde is asking questions and Fen is answering them every single time. I know that the dialogue can't drag on too much (especially in the beginning) but the "Cayde: question; Fen: answer" style feels a little unrealistic. Most of the time, we don't answer questions in that rapid-fire feel and directness, right? It feels realistic that Fen will try to skirt around what happened if he's dealing with a cross lady.
Overall, this sounds like an interesting beginning. Makes me wonder what is the patrol of enemy soldiers about. One thing that disappointed me a little was that I expected to see some kind of sci-fi, but instead I saw something closer to fantasy instead...never mind, just a ramble. I feel as if, despite the mood swings and the pronoun mix-ups, the characters were established well.
That's all I've got for you! Good luck with writing this novel and I hope this helped
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