Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy


Bundle of Flowers ~ Chapter 7

by EternalRain


Chapter 7 - Luana

Luana clicked the ‘enter’ button on her blog post on the newfound website for young witches. It was submitted, and her online blog now contained one post. She scrolled through and read others’ public blog posts - achievements, embarrassing stories, and many more types of things like that.

She found one with a title that totally intrigued her: 14 Years and I Still Suck. She read the post.

“Two weeks ago, I turned fourteen. Big part in every witch’s life. They get their magical ability and that’s their main focus for the rest of their witch career - as well as, of course, broomstick flying and cat communication. I got a really basic one. Basic skill, I mean. One of the really common ones. Even my aunt has it, it’s that common. What is it?

Fortune-telling.

Not cool. I mean, yeah, it can be. But my aunt already has it. My mum reads minds. When I first found out, which wasn’t too long ago, I thought: “This really, really stinks.” I’m not a very good witch. Flying is incredibly hard for me, and the conversations I have with Lentil are really muffled. Even the thought of just learning fortune-telling kind of hurt my head.

I wanted to cry.

And even though it’s only been a few weeks, I considered something. It’s okay. I’m still learning. And I’ll grow to love fortune-telling. It may not be something I’m totally interested in - I was really hoping for healing - but it’s a part of me and I need to accept. I need to love myself.”

Luana stared at it for a while longer, and scrolled to the bottom of the post. There were zero comments. Luana decided she needed to be the first one.

~

Luana gave her dad a quick kiss on the cheek. He was an ordinary looking man - light skin, dark hair, and hazel eyes. A coffee mug was in his hand nearly every morning.

Luana had never really been interested in her mom and dad’s relationship and how they really met each other, but she did know one thing: her dad was very accepting. Though there were some people who still accepted magical creatures, they might not even begin to imagine marrying and starting a family with one of them. Luana’s father acted like it was completely normal.

She arrived to school just on time, and slipped into her desk next to Esther. Esther glanced up at Luana with a sad expression on her face and pointed a pencil towards the other side of the room. Eyes traveling across the classroom, Luana gasped as they met a girl with perfect dark hair and perfect rosy lips.

“Nonono. She’s in our math class?”

Esther picked at a cuticle on her nail. She looked up at Luana and tried giving her an encouraging smile. “Yeah.”

Luana’s mind completely wiped away the beautiful blog post she had read the night before, and jealousy was taken place over it. She stared at the perfect witch girl, and fire erupted in Luana’s stomach, about to lash out of her throat, when she spotted Jade talking to the cute elf boy.

Instead of letting out a painful scream, Luana closed her mouth and let the fire burn her tongue, and she let her head fall into her arms and the sadness leak into the desk.

Esther leaned over and tapped Luana’s shoulder. Just before the teacher began the lesson, she whispered, “You should ask Cedric if he’d like to go to the mall with you, maybe get some food or something. I can come with if you want.”

Trying to cheer herself up, Luana sat up carefully. “All right,” she said, and the lesson started.

Later, right as the bell rang, Luana grabbed Esther’s wrist and dragged her over to Cedric. Luana’s heart was pumping, and she knew her face must be as bright as a tomato. Or even worse. She bit her lip, and then tapped on Cedric’s shoulder.

He turned around, and smiled, his eyes twinkling. “Hey Luana, and Esther.”

Esther waved, and she nudged her best friend very subtly.

“H-hey, Cedric. I was, um,” Luana glanced at her friend for moral support, and Esther cracked a smile in her direction. “...I was wondering if you’d like to hang out after school maybe? Like get some smoothies or something. I mean, it’s totally okay if you don’t want to. In fact, I’m so sorry for bothering you, I’ll just--” Luana turned around in heated embarrassment, and wished so terribly she could have an ice pack to put on her burning face.

She was about to walk away when Cedric’s light fingers grabbed her shoulder. “I’d, uh, be totally down for that! Smoothies sound good to me.” He said, and Luana’s blue eyebrows shot up in surprise.

Esther smiled, and with a light touch whisked her fingers across Luana’s wrist in a secret happiness gesture.

“Cool! Mind if Esther tags along?” Luana said, her confidence now increasingly growing.

“Of course, that’s definitely alright,” Cedric said. “I gotta go to my next class now. See you later?”

Luana bit her lip in excitement and said, “Yep, see you later!” in about a voice two octaves higher than normal. Once Cedric had left the hallway, Luana turned to Esther in surprise, and then let out a quiet squeal.

Luana’s eyes danced, and she waved her hands in the air dramatically. “Did I just ask Cedric out for a smoothie?”

Esther smiled at her friend, happy that she seemed to forget about the other witch for just a second. “I think so. We’d better get to class.” They didn’t have their next class together, but the rooms were right across from each other in the hallway - very useful, especially since the class was right before lunch.

Luana waved goodbye to her friend and slipped into Spanish. She went with the easiest language - or, at least, that’s what everyone said. It was already kind of hard keeping up with learning how to communicate with Jem.

Luana’s throat felt constricted when she saw Jade. Again. The dark haired witch was sitting right in the empty desk next to Luana’s. Luana grumbled and sat down in her desk, trying her best to ignore Jade.

All her words came out smooth as silver, and her laugh was beautiful and she talked so easily to so many new people. The bell rang, and a string of rapid fire came out of their Spanish teacher’s mouth. “No hablan después de la campana suene.” Luana caught ‘do not talk’, but that was it. It was enough to know that the teacher was directing it towards Jade, which left a smirk on Luana’s face.

Class was boring, except for Jade, who sat beside her. She kept leaning over and asking Luana nonsense questions - which Luana tried her very best to ignore.

When the bell rang to dismiss them for lunch, Luana let out a breath of relief. She began packing all her stuff in her backpack, but Jade stopped her.

“Hey, Luana.”

“Hm?” Luana said, knowing full-well there was snobbiness in her tone of voice.

“You know that boy Cedric, right?”

Luana’s heart stopped, and she pretended like nothing was wrong and continued to pack her things up. “Well… he’s an elf. And why?”

“You don’t suppose he likes gingersnaps, do you?” The girl seemed genuinely curious, and her cupid-bow lips were pursed, her thin eyebrows raised high.

Luana, her fingers trembling in rage, said, “Why don’t you go ask him for yourself?” And spun on her heel, her blood boiling and her teeth clenched tight together. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
624 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

Donate
Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:08 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, EternalRain! Casanova here with a short review!

Anyway, I like the way this chapter is moving along. I'm sorry for reviewing seven chapters in, but it seemed like you would want this out of the Green room.
Anyway, I find the plot really strong and I like the way that it's moving along, so props for that!
The characters seem to fit right in with the story, and I didn't find anything sticking out.

Anyway, the dialogue seemed a little bland, and that's an easy mistake. Use better things than he said she said. Like he scowled and she sobbed. This puts the emotion into it, and makes it a bit better and less tasteless.

That's all for now, hope this helped at least a bit!

KEep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Cas




User avatar
1080 Reviews


Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Donate
Sun Nov 27, 2016 6:53 pm
View Likes
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review!

Jumping right into the story without much background knowledge, so here I go! I thought that the tone you imbued with the beginning of the chapter and Luana being on a website was interesting and adds a touch of reality to something that seems to be urban fantasy, which is something that I don't think we get to see a lot of. The start of the chapter has a bit of this quiet and lonely tone that I think you should put more emphasis on with the imagery (perhaps the computer light shining on her face or descriptions of the room and it being quiet and everything of that sort).

After the break, I didn't really like it as much for the first few paragraphs due to it being rambly and info-dumpy of the main character's emotions and thoughts. Thoughts are something that I find are hard to capture in prose and end up being a lot of questions that are formed which is something that picks up here. Dialogue pops up with Luana and Esther and Cedric and that whole thing that's going on, and it was okay? I like down-to-earth dialogue and dialogue that happens to be realistic, but I felt this was more of cliche-book-dialogue when Luana was talking to Cedric in the chapter.

Luana and Esther felt more natural together rather than that. The chapter after that becomes boring to me and I feel you should cut some of it out or tell it rather than show it all because it doesn't necessarily need to be there until the end of the day. From what I understand, Elves are people who are discriminated against, coming from Jade? I'm sort of picking up on that they're witches but I could also be wrong. The end of the day with the Jade/Luana conflict didn't really do too well, but it got everything across. Solid chapter, would have liked more description and imagery but that's a personal preference as well, so yeah.

I hope I helped and have a great day!




EternalRain says...


Thank you so much! I definitely agree with the whole add more description - I always have trouble on that.

Thanks so much!




"If fortis was here, we could have a teal party"
— Pompadour