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Voices

by EsmerayaRose


Voices

they are always there

whispering  everywhere

telling me stuff that shouldn't be spoken,

Voices

they are always there,

crying in my ear

wanting to be heard

I can't let them be heard

Voices are always there

taking my voice

not letting me speak, drowning

why haven't I realized...

Voices

they are always there

waiting for me to slowly disappear

thinking that I'm in fear.

Voices

they are always there

sitting in my empty head

waiting to attack what's already gone

Not gone, taken

by the voices

Don't let them in!

They kill when they get a chance

suffocating what's already been drowned

hoping you'll be gone

Voices are always there

waiting for their chance

whispering here and there,

telling me things that shouldn't be spoken of

crying in my ears

wanting to be heard

Don't let them be heard...

 Begging you please, I'm on my knees

in the moonlight as I rot

I should have never listened to the voice,

that was in my head

Voices are always there


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35 Reviews

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Sat Mar 16, 2024 3:48 pm
dm74 wrote a review...



I love this. The idea of voices in our heads that are always there is relatable. In particular, I love the frantic tone you created with the repetition throughout the poem. We all have an internal monologue (the voices) and sometimes that monologue can lie. It takes practice to make the internal voices be positive - especially for people who struggle with self-confidence. It takes even more practice to not listen to those voices. I love the portrayal of the voices as deceptive and manipulative. The poem's exploration of the destructive power of these voices underscores the importance of cultivating self-awareness and resilience in overcoming such challenges. The imagery is very evocative and it makes the reader contemplate the ways we engage with our thoughts and emotions.




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Thu Mar 25, 2021 10:58 pm
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Charm wrote a review...



Hi BrokenHeartsAri,

What's Working:
Your poem has strong emotion throughout. The frantic state of the speaker is conveyed through your language and short lines. You have good ideas here. I can see that you are trying to work with the form to convey your poem's meaning and that is great. You're using repetition which is causing the reader for feel these repetitive thoughts and the short sentences make the poem quick and frantic.

What Needs Some Work:
Structure:
• I can see that you are trying to work with form in order to convey the meaning of the poem, however the repetition of "voice" and other phrases isn't working. Perhaps repeating a singular phrase throughout the poem. There are structured poems that use this method. I read one the other day called [url]"Mad Girl's Love" by Sylvia Plath[/url]. She repeats a worry of the speaker's throughout the poem and as the poem goes on the line works in different contexts. This structured poem is called a villanelle. You don't have to make your poem a villanelle or another type of structure poem that uses repetitive lines but perhaps you can take this idea of one or two repeating lines.
• I recommend adding stanzas because this poem was hard to read as one long, skinny poem. Stanzas also help separate ideas from one another.
• the repeating of "be heard" isn't working for the rhythm of the poem.

Description:
• I think your poem could benefit from more detailed description and imagery.
• Less telling and more showing. It could be beneficial to focus on the sense of hearing throughout this poem and how that sounds so that the reader hears what the speaker is hearing (and feels the speaker's emotions more deeply). You could even add a metaphor through the poem of, idk, a violent storm and how that sounds and relate that to intrusive thoughts (just idea, trying to show you that you can use metaphors to convey your meaning and add description).

Grammar:

Not gone taken

You should add a comma between gone and taken.
waiting for there chance

It's "their" not "there".
Those are just a couple of examples but keep in mind grammar when writing this poem. You don't need to use punctuation but it could add clarity.

Final Thoughts:
Overall, I think this poem has a lot of potential and you have some great thoughts. I like that you experimenting with repetition so maybe consider experimenting with some structured poem formats to see if that fits this idea!

Keep writing!
Charm

P.S. if you liked this review and would like more, check out my Will Review For Food thread.




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Wed Mar 24, 2021 10:15 am
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akanbright wrote a review...



Yh it's a nice one brokenheartari, and I would like to drop a comment to this benevolent poem of yours. It's very much true when you noted that there are voices in our heads, and this voices are so much want to be heard and on several occasions, they are exponentially detrimental to the real outcome of realities around us.
These voices could sometimes be good, but on many times are bad. What we call thoughts and voices in our heads are a whisper of spirits. Spirits that seeks out your fall and sometimes your rise.
There isn't much to give as a review to the poem because the statistics of the poem and it meters are stable and accurately constructive.
Moreover, you should learn to match each detaching line of poem with the previous one, as this tend to make more sense to the reader developing his comprehension and image formation and thus give credit to the poem.
Its really nice and thanks for giving us this simple poem language.




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Tue Mar 23, 2021 9:30 pm
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MapleWay wrote a review...



Hey there! MapleWay here with a quick review!

I loved how deep and moving this poem was. I could feel your pain as the writer oozing through it. I honestly wouldn't change a thing except for the part where it says,

they are always there

whispering here and there


Since you repeat there at the end of both lines it kinda though off the rhythm. I would consider changing it to something like,

they are always there

whispering everywhere


I feel this would help the flow a lot.

Anyways great poem! Can't wait to see more from you!




EsmerayaRose says...


Thanks for the review! I did what you said, thanks again.



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Tue Mar 23, 2021 6:58 pm
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avery014 wrote a review...



Hey BrokenHeartsAri!
I have to say you brought out quite a lot in just these lines. I really liked the way you expressed something that most people deal it. I also really liked the imagery, rather the picture you drew with your words. The conflict between listening to those voices and running away from them was also something that caught my eye. I look forward to reading more.




EsmerayaRose says...


Thanks for the review



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Tue Mar 23, 2021 6:56 pm
avery014 says...







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