Young Writers Society

This poem made me feel like I was in your situation. Something about the rhythm and the line

Blow smoke in my face

really makes me feel like I am a part of that addiction. And also, the way that you have gone from disliking the smoke in your face to asking for it and being okay with other people's problems leaves a big impact on the reader. It's like you are accepting what you first rejected. Also, this poem reminds me of a story and it could even be a message of the effects that a parent has over their child and how other people can have a negative influence over you.

Could you extend on the bit about your father looking down on you? I feel as if this part is very important since it changes the narrator's outcome and their actions and would be worth highlighting and adding on to. Can you go deeper into the father and those trapped feelings?

I hang up the phone cause I don't have time

With this line, I think that you could add some more imagery and meaning and emotive language by repeating the word 'time'. Since that word is a very influential word and it has so many stereotypes and meanings, I think that it would be useful to add some more description:

I hang up the phone cause I don't have time
Time for his disheartening words
Time for his dismembered love
Time for his honest lies
That rasps wicked thoughts on my heart

This is just an example of course and is completely up to you.

I also loved the way you have used 'ten minutes later,' because it shows how quickly things can escalate and get out of hand.

Great job with this poem!