Young Writers Society

This was a great poem. The imagery was detailed and rich, but unlike other poems I've read, it wasn't heavy or overblown. I'm not very well versed on mythology, so I didn't entirely understand all of it, but I got the idea.
I was a bit confused, at first, about the speaker's feelings toward the goddess--was the speaker bitter about having lost everything, or were they still worshipful? But then I re-read the poem, and I think I understand it a little better.

Keep up the good work.

This is certainly one of my favourites. The description drew me in but the poem it self , its first lines are what kept me reading and what urged me to write this review. Without taking my love from Ancient Hellenic history , poets etc. into consideration this poem can be read even without knowing history or who the characters really are. You can replace the names with other deities and characters and still have a wonderful poem. What I'm trying to say is that this poem can stand beautifully on its own , even without the historical/mythological background (that certainly gives it historical merit and interest). And why is that ? Well , it's because this poem is so well written , both in terms of size and content. You show the reader that you don't need to fill stretches of paper (virtual paper in this case ) in order to relay your point , in order to create the images and feelings you want to create. It's a small but it's not missing anything , it doesn't leave the reader with the feeling that something more could've been added. The whole writing process seems to have been carefully planned in order to produce this amazing result. Also , this size doesn't tire the reader but instead manages to keep their attention to the poem as the reading is not tedious enough to allow their thoughts to wander off. Now , the content itself is another story. The language of the poem is almost equivalent to what an ancient poem's would be , it flows nicely and fits with the context of the poem. The tone also corresponds to the atmosphere you're trying to create , it is melancholical , sad and has a touch of complaint , meaning that -as I understood it- , the poet that is dying doesn't really want to go yet , for example in the point
"Oh, if only your golden winged chariots

Or lovely swans,

could save me now."
These feelings of wanting , of desire for life really pass on to the reader as he progresses through the poem -well they passed on to me as I read it anyway !- and make him feel sympathy for the passing poet.
As I said in the beginning , this is one of my favourites. I'd love to see more of those and I hope you keep up the good work !

-Concerned Greek

Hey! ChocolateCello here!

This was a beautiful poem. You told a really meaningful story with very beautiful language.

A few minor edits though

O Lady of Love,

Oh if only your golden winged chariots

O goddess,

Both my enemy and friend;

Keep me in your memory,

For I shall keep you

In mind and hear.

Hi Esca!
This is a pretty interesting poem. You say 'Hades' and I'm pretty sure that's Greek mythology, but are you referencing someone specific with 'Phaon'?

The second stanza is really quite beautiful and it along with the third stanza contain a lot of nice imagery.

What confuses me, however, is here:

O goddess,

Both my enemy and friend;

Keep me in your memory,

For I shall keep you

In mind and heart.

This is really pleasant as far as a death poem goes which is something I like to see. Bliss in death is an interesting idea. I'd personally like to see more visualization.

I don't know why I can't get the stanzas right. I fixed it in the publication part but some line breaks just won't show. I'll continue to try editing it, but if ever, it's supposed to be like this:

Descend from your lovely throne, O Lady of Love,

and look upon me, your humble servant.

I have nothing left, and you've taken all:

My beauty, riches, and Phaon...

Dearest Phaon.


So watch me now as I fly,

Straight from these pure white cliffs

To the raging waves below;


See my spirit escape this cage

And be taken then to Hades' door.

Oh if only your golden winged chariots

Or lovely swans,

could save me now.


O goddess,

Both my enemy and friend;

Keep me in your memory,

For I shall keep you

In mind and heart.


Good-bye, good-bye,

See me one last time;

My Lady, thank you for everything.


Farewell.