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I know the rhyme would've been affected, but the verb "play" would've been more suitable. If you could find a word for to rhyme with "play" in the thrid line...
Alright, now I sure understand what you wanted to say here, but "bug life" isn't exactly appropiate. Perhaps "in this lil' world" would be a better choice, but that's up to you. ;p
Isn't it supposed to be tomorrow?
The ending was the best part of the whole poetry in my opinion. Brilliant rhyme also (verb-noun)! I loved it!
Though, the rest of the poem could use some editing. It is good, but it could be better.
I'm not going to lie, i got a bit lost in that poem. The title doesn't give much away (which is fine) but neither did the actual poem so i'm a tad confused as to its content. However, the rhyming is good, punctuation could do with a little work as well. Overall i think you will need to go away and look through it again, try and make your point a little less obscure then re-submit it so that i may be able to give you a better and more helpful piece of feedback. Don't give up though!
I liked the setting... It's a nice piece...
I loved the stanza:
I will forever remember this whole ride
But time does pass and sadly now it ends
My grief and sadness I don't have to hide
I still have tomarrow with my best friends...
Keep up the good work...
I like the mood and the visual. However, I would like to see more punctuation in it. I know that there is poetic liscense and all, but it's hard to follow without the punctuation within the lines. I would also ask for you to spell check tomarrow. Because it is tomorrow. Sorry, that's bothering me and I don't mean to sound like a spelling snob. The villian is conquered by love...that doesn't make sense at all within the poem. To me, it sounds like a graduation poem, about someone having good times and finally has to leave his/her friends. The sonnet is nice, but it could use some work.
That poem was nice. I think it gave a good visual and a good mood and/or tone. Maybe you should do a variety of different poems. You could also write a book because you are good at making scenes I hope this helped a little bit. Keep writing!
Did you just seriously misspel tomorrow? That is really bad, noticing that it is the thread name, so ya. The rhythm isn't really hard. It is a little hard to keep up, and some lines do not make sense at all. Don't be discouraged, for I see the effort.
-WU