The Violinist

Hi, Ephemeral! First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you're enjoying it so far. I'm Searria, or "Sea" for short.

Very nice piece. As a fellow string player, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Your sentences themselves flow well, and your imagery is fantastic. You deserve an elephant.

Nitpicks (in this case incredibly nit-picky)

As the man raised the instrument to his shoulder, bow poised at the ready, the onlookers felt a sense of mounting excitement.

This is a good first sentence, but I want to be taken to this performance. It seems like his preparation is rushed. When I play, I don't just sit down and hold my bow above the string. I re-situate myself in the chair, place my left hand, make sure the instrument is secure - it's a whole process. Especially with violinists, they have to get comfortable on the chin rest.

The violinist touched the bow to the violin, and a clear, clean note rang out.

Seeing "violinist" and "violin" in the same sentence is, to me, for some reason distracting. Personally, I would either say "string" or "instrument."

It was like the first chirp of a bird, welcoming the spring after a harsh winter, the first ray of sunlight to illuminate the day.

Very nice.

He drew it across, and the onlookers held their breath.

The pronoun here is a little to far from it's antecedent, in my opinion. It's almost as if "it" in this sentence refers back to his first note, rather than the bow. (On a total side note, every time I hear "drew the bow," I think of "Devil Came Down to Georgia." *starts singing*)

He was truly a master of his art.

I don't think you need this sentence. It jumped out to me, and seemed like it didn't belong. It threw off the flow of the paragraph. I think you hurt your wonderful description by blatantly telling the reader what we should understand from it.

Later on, the onlookers, when asked, would describe the scene in a great many ways. One spoke of it as, "Standing at the edge of a cliff, drafts of air blowing in your face, pushing you off balance. Then, you fall, arms spread to your sides. But, no fear enters your heart, just elation, pure, unclouded joy." Another, described it as, "The space between dreams and reality, the magical world we have all touched at least once, caught between dreaming and waking." But the one who caught it best, and in the fewest words, said only, "It was like flying."

While I appreciate the content of this paragraph, it felt awkward. It was sort of like having a cherry tree in the middle of a Bradford Pear orchard. Every tree has beautiful blossoms, but one stands out and distracts from the rest. Maybe you could cut it down (no pun intended) and disperse the comments through the rest of the piece. Or move the paragraph to the end. I don't know. You can fiddle (Again, no pun intended. I promise. ) around with it.

bringing it back to the frog, and up again to the tip.

This is so completely my OCD coming out, so feel free to ignore me on this one (and all of my other comments as well, if you like). If I knew nothing about string playing, this would make total sense the way it is now. However, as cellist, I can't think of going to the tip as going "up," because you would have to take a "down" bow. But strictly in terms of English, "up" makes more sense. Sorry for the ramble...

The air seemed to solidify, either that, or they were frozen.

Hm...I'm pretty sure this is a comma splice, but I'm not sure making them two complete sentences is the best solution either. Maybe a dash instead of a comma before "either that." I'm not entirely certain on this one, though.

General Critiques:
I found it interesting that you described reactions and used very physical imagery in such an abstract idea. We know the physical appearance of the violinist, and the feelings of the crowd, but you never mention the music itself. You describe single notes and the motion of the bow, but what about the motion of the music? How does the violinist sway? Does the music fill the room, or dissipate into thin air? I'm not sure I want you to describe it. Music can't be contained in simple words like "swell" or "flowing," but should be translated into a feeling, which you've done beautifully. On the other hand, music can be described in colour and warmth. Short version of this incoherent paragraph: don't describe the music in terms of the physical details of the performer, but maybe personify the music.

The only other thing that bothered me was how much you reference the moon. We know from the second sentence that moonlight is pouring into the room. I think it's just the repetition of "moon" that hung me up. Maybe instead of repeating "moon," think of other ways to say it: "bathed in the pale/iridescent/transparent glow." Then at the end of second paragraph, maybe find a different way altogether to describe the room. Surely there's something else besides the moon that makes it interesting. Or you could connect the music to the moon. Maybe the music gets caught in the current of the moonlight, pooling on the floor with the light....I don't know.

Again, all of my comments were entirely minor. You have a wonderful piece here. Please, please, please let me know when you post something new. I'd love to read your other work.
If you have any questions or comments concerning this review, feel free to contact me. I'm always open to discussing my critiques. Happy writing!
Always,
-Sea-