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Starlight Academy (2Chapters+Proluge)

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Prologue

The Starlight academy taught differently than other academies. For starters Starlight put you in different groups or Star castes telling what you were. The other academies don’t do this. In other academies you are just given a dorm and you live there and go to classes. Not Starlight, at Starlight you take classes that apply to your Star caste. Unless of course you’re a Solunar then you get classes from both Solar and Lunar. My friends and I all got the biggest shocks of our lives when we were placed in our Star castes. I invite you to read our story the story of how we grew to be the people we are now. So if you enjoy magic and mystery our lives will be perfect for you. So sit back relax and enjoy this story.

Stella

Chapter 1

Stella

Meet my friends

I looked around my bare room to see if there was anything else that I could pack. Nope, nothing. There was nothing in my room except one bare bookshelf, a bare nightstand, a mirror with a golden frame, and my bed that had all of my blankets on it. I was due at starlight academy tomorrow afternoon. I wished that I could go today but the letter specifically said tomorrow. I had been dreaming of going to Starlight ever since I could remember, and now it was happening. “Alimina”, I said and the spell instantly locked all of my trunks and zipped all of her bags. I looked into the large gold framed mirror and my reflection stared back at me. I was tall blonde and athletic. I had tan skin and green eyes. My lips seemed to have a pink tint to them. I was wearing orange shorts and a white tank top that said West on it in swirly letters. Most people would think I was crazy for going outside in West Glendia in the winter with shorts and a tank top on. But if you're destined to be a Solar then I guess that's just how you roll. I figured I had best get going if I was going to get to the mall on time. So I hurried out the door and went down three flights of stairs to get to the front door. My parents weren't home yet. Neither were my brothers and sisters. I had the house to myself. It was to bad that I couldn't take advantage of that. I grabbed woven purse off a hook and pulled some sunglasses out of it. After slipping my sunglasses on and slipped on my flip flops. Then I threw open the door and stepped outside. I was greeted by a blast of cold wind and I shivered. With one last longing glance at my empty house I shut the door behind me and headed towards the West, West Glendia shopping mall. It wasn’t a long walk from my house to the mall. It was just a few blocks and then make a left. You really can’t miss the mall. It’s a massive 6 story building that's at least a mile long wide. The building just like almost everything in West Glendia is made of crystal. It also seemed to glow, but i figured that must just be an effect of some spells. I finally made it to the mall and scanned the square for my friends. After my third sweep of the mall square I spotted them. They were sitting under a dark blue sun umbrella that was near a Sephora. That's right even in Neverland we have sephora. I quickly walked to the table knowing the lecture I was about to get when I got to the table. I was five feet from the table when Luna said “you’re late”. Luna was reading a thick novel which I could only assume was Harry potter. Luna didn’t even pause her reading to look up at me but I knew what her expression was. Judging from the look that Solaira was giving me she knew too. Luna was 5 feet 11 inches and still growing. Her skin was very pale which contrasted her red lips. Luna’s hair was so dark black that it almost looked blue, and her eyes were blue gray. Solaira, who we call Aira, had warm brown skin, brown eyes and reddish-brown hair. “I told you last time you were late not to be late again”, Luna said still not looking up from her book. “Sorry”, I said. “I was busy packing”. “Packing what”, giggled Aira. “ everything”, I told Aria. “from what I saw you literally mean everything”, Aira teased. I glared at my friend. “You did it again didn’t you, the seeing thing”, I accused. Aira gave me an apologetic smile. “Well i wanted to see what you were doing when you didn’t show up on time. By the way it is too bad we couldn’t go to your house it is calmer when everyone is out of the house”, Aira said. I scowled. Aira had the ability to see through other people's eyes and read their minds and communicate through telepathy. Aira used her gift to spy on us regularly. And though I hated it I had to admit it would come in handy. “I forgive you, for now”, I said to Aira just grinned. “What about you Luna have you packed”, I asked Luna. Luna didn't answer she just seemed more absorbed in her novel. I leaned across the table and snatched the book from Luna. Luna instantly looked up. “Get out of the Half-blood man”, I told her. Luna's nostrils flared. “It's called the Half-blood Prince, and for your information I'm reading the order of the Phoenix not the Half-blood Prince”, Luna said. Luna snatched her book back but put a bookmark in it and closed the book and stowed it in her bag. “How was your day”, Luna asked. “Fine”, I replied. “That's nice”, Luna said. Before Luna could open her mouth to say something else Aira spoke. “Let's go to Sephora”. Luna blinked but bounced back “yes let's”, Luna answered. Luna then picked up her bag and headed to Sephora. “What was that about”, I asked Aira. “I read her thoughts she was about to give you a lecture on punctuality”, Aira said. “Thanks”, I replied instantly. Aira said nothing and followed Luna into Sephora. I grinned and followed my two friends into the store.

Chapter 2

Stella

The portal

The shopping trip was great. When I finally returned home I had several bags in my arms and was barely able to put my purse back on the hook. Dinner passed by in a blur and soon I was in bed. When my alarm blared at 6 in the morning I was ready. In the time it took for me to get ready to go and load all of my trunks and bags into the car it was 9am. The ride to the train station didn't take long and soon me and my family had pulled into the West Glendia train station. Once all my bags were loaded onto the train I looked for Luna and Aira. I spotted them near the end of the silver steam engine. “Hey”, I said. “Hey”, they replied in unison. “Got all your stuff on board”, I asked. They nodded. “You ready for this”, Aira asked. “Definitely”, I said. We both looked to Luna who hadn’t said anything. “Yes”, Luna said. “All aboard”, the train master called. We pushed our way through crowds of people and boarded the train. The inside of the train was even more lavish than the outside. The compartment doors were made of crystal, the floor had a nice light blue rug. Above us was a chandelier made from diamond and sapphires. And the walls were decorated with falling snowflakes on a warm winter's day. “Wow”, Aira breathed. Even though Luna didn’t say anything I could tell she was impressed by the inside of the train. After a few moments of shocked silence Luna spoke “we best find a compartment before they are all taken”. We nodded and followed Luna still awestruck by the train. The compartments were nice too. The seats had crystal armrests and two shelf overhead to store our things. There were also a couple of books and magazines to keep us entertained I tentatively plopped down into one of the seats and was surprised to find that they were very comfortable. Aira seemed to be noticing the same thing. The both of us slouched in our chairs.Luna however sat straight up her back stiff and one leg crossed over the other. We heard the train doors close and then we felt a lurch and the train set off for the rainbow valley. I suppose I should tell you where we are going. In Glendiana there are many different academies. We are heading to one called starlight academy. Starlight is different than the other academies. At starlight they divide you into one of three different groups. Lunar, Solar, and Solunar. Lunars are like Luna. They are polite and dress like they are going to a job interview. They’re stiff and uptight. And they all have pale skin, red lips, dark hair, and anywhere from grey eyes to any dark color eyes. Solars are like me. Happy care and care free. With bright hair, tan skin, and light colored eyes. Lunars where dark or cool colors, and Solars wear bright or warm colors. Solunars are a mix of the two. I looked out the window and saw a field of purple wildflowers that seemed to go on for miles. Eventually we passed the field and came across a lake with flowers and trees surrounding it. By noon we had passed into South Glendia, with its beaches and warm climate. Two O'clock we were in East Glendia. Five O’clock north. Seven thirty we were in the woods. At around four thirty Aira had fallen asleep. I must have fallen asleep to because the next thing I knew Luna was gently shaking my arm and announcing that we were there. I bolted upright hitting my head on the overhead shelf in the process. “Ouch”, I muttered sinking back into my seat and rubbing my head. I looked to see if Luna was laughing at me but she was busy waking Aira up. I watched as Aira slowly stirred from her sleep. Now that I was awake I could feel the train slowing down. It went slower and slower and slower, and slower until it finally stopped. I lept up from my seat this time being careful so I wouldn’t hit my head again. Luna put down a book she had been reading and slowly but gracefully stood up. Aira got up slowly as well but only because she was still tired. The train conductor spoke “We are in the Rainbow Valley last stop, please exit the train”. “That's us”, Luna said and she left the compartment and disappeared down the hall. “Wait up Luna”, Aira called as the two of us hurried after her. Luna paused long enough to let us catch up and then kept going. Luna stepped off the train and onto a platform. I left the train too and gasped once my feet touched the ground. I was dimly aware of Aira’s gasp as she too toom in our surroundings. Everything around us seemed to have more color than normal. Mountains in the distance glimmered with a Rainbow light and the air smelled faintly of peppermint. I was too busy inspecting my surroundings to notice the girl stop in front of us and nearly jumped out of my skin when she spoke. “Where to”, she asked. “What”, I asked. “Ahh new comers I see”, the girl said. “Follow me”. The woman had black hair and emerald green eyes. Her skin was tan and she was dressed in all green and she couldn’t have been much older than me. “I’m Emrelda”, the girl said. I blinked in shock. “The Emrelda”, I asked. “As in the Rainbow fairy in training”, I said shocked. “Already that famous huh??”, Emrelda said amusedly. “Follow me”, Emrelda said. We followed her through the crowded platform for about 2 minutes until Emrelda stopped at a circle drawn on the ground. “Here we are”, Emrelda said happily. “This”, Aira asked incredulously. “This is the portal to get to Starlight”, Luna said. “Correct”, Emrelda said. “All you do is step in and you appear at Starlight”, Emrelda explained. “Go on”, Emrelda said. “If you think i’m gonna stand in a circle like i’m five then you must be crazy”, Aira said. Luna rolled her eyes and shoved Aira in. “hey” Aira said. Aira tried to step out of the circle but was stopped by some invisible barrier. Banging her fists on the invisible wall Aira screamed “let me out”. I Looked to Emrelda or Luna to do something but the two of them were just watching as if this were normal. I gave Aira an apologetic look and stood and watched with Luna and Emrelda. A few seconds later Luna and Emrelda tilted their faces upwards and i followed along. I must have had a surprised look on my face because Aira instantly looked up and screamed. A beam of white gold light was rocketing towards aira and getting hotter as it came nearer. Terrified Aira franticly tried to escape the enclosed space but with no luck. It was like watching an ant under a magnifying glass. It tried to get away but there was no escape. The light grew closer and closer and closer until it had swallowed Aira up. I watched in horror as she began to dissolve into little light particles and then just as soon as it had come the light left taking Aira with it. The barrier dropped and i looked desperately for Aira but didn’t find her. “You’ve evaporated my friend”, I cried hysterically pointing at Emrelda. “And you just stood by and watched”,I shrieked at Luna. Luna and Emrelda smiled which irritated me further. “Why are you smiling”, I demanded. “That's just the portal to starlight”, Emrelda said with a chuckle. “Yes since the school is called Starlight they thought it would be good for the portal to take you up with a star beam”, Luna said barely suppressing laughter. “Oh”, I said. Instantly i felt stupid. Thankfully Luna ended my embarrassment by saying “i’ll go next”. Luna stepped into the circle and i watched as the same thing happened to Luna as what had happened to Aira. I knew i was next but i turned to Emrelda instead of getting in the portal. “What would happen if a person who was not a Starlight student stepped into the circle”, I asked. “Nothing, unless you had special business up there it wouldn’t do anything to you”, Emrelda said. “Oh, well then i’ll be going now”, I said. I took a step into the circle and reached out and felt the barrier encase me. I felt a faint heat as the star beam came down. One last question stirred in my mind and i quickly asked it. “What about our luggage, we didn’t bring it”, I called to Emrelda. “It will be in your dormitories when you get your star caste, besides your luggage will be the last thing on your mind when you see the city and school”, Emrelda told me. I didn’t have time to ask her what she meant because at that moment the star beam hit me and enveloped me in a golden light.

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Codayy
Review
Codayy wrote a review · Wed Jul 26, 2017 12:53 am

Hey, it's Codayy here to leave a review. Before I start, I want to say that you should follow everything Thundaguy said, follow. It's very important advice and I would've said if he didn't say it first.

What I'm going to stress is to show and not tell. The prologue is great example. Yeah sure, you did tell us why it's different from other academies, but wouldn't be interesting to display it in a different? Your introduction felt shoehorned, but it could be done differently while getting that info in. Like successfully describing the school as the plot moves. For example, maybe the main character had a conversation with her parents about deciding which academy to go to. The MC could argue with her parents on why she would want to go there compared to other schools. Now, this example is very generic, but it works because it could both progress the story and word-build at the same time.

Another example could be how you described your main character. You straight-up told us using a method, which is a cliche that's used so often. Think about how you could do two things at once. Like, how about the MC knowing she would go to the Lunars because of her appearance.

Also, cut out anything that truly isn't necessary. While adding descriptions might add clarity, they could also pointless. Why tell that the MC has brothers and sisters when they likely do nothing to the story. Why is her mirror gold? Usually describing something has a reason because that's simply realistic. You could use a messy room to describe a disorganized person. That would be fine. A train station could be explained in full detail to describe how magical the world is and to invoke that sense of wonder. That would also be fine.

The reality is that everything is planned in a story. Characters are given certain traits and they must follow or it isn't realistic. This could be enforced through actions they do that are essential to story. I don't advise making your characters doing random things consistently and calling it a character. Like having a character that loves shopping. You may have a bunch of hobbies in a character, but that's not how you develop a character. What she says and how it would differ from others is how you make a character. Because if something she says is different from what she normally does, then the character falls apart.

I hope this helps because writing is a long, hard road and I hope this review brings you one step closer.

User avatar
deleted221222
Review

I don't have much time, but I just wanted to leave a review for you. Like I usually do, I don't check grammar mistakes, but there are a few bits of your writing you can improve on.

First, you might want to remove the large amounts of blank space. There's an option in the editor to add a horizontal bar, so that should be used to separate your chapters. Instead of a bunch of empty lines.

Second, it would be good if you separate your full texts into smaller paragraphs. As a full text, it's hard to read and keep track of. If we take:

"I looked around my bare room to see if there was anything else that I could pack. Nope, nothing. There was nothing in my room except one empty bookshelf, a bare nightstand, a mirror with a golden frame, and my bed that had all of my blankets on it. I was due at starlight academy tomorrow afternoon. I wished that I could go today, but the letter specifically said tomorrow. I had been dreaming of going to Starlight ever since I could remember, and now it was happening."

and separate it into paragraphs, you have:

"I looked around my bare room to see if there was anything else that I could pack. Nope, nothing.

There was nothing in my room except one bare bookshelf, a bare nightstand, a mirror with a golden frame, and my bed that had all of my blankets on it.

I was due at starlight academy tomorrow afternoon. I wished that I could go today, but the letter specifically said tomorrow. I had been dreaming of going to Starlight ever since I could remember, and now it was happening."

It's much easier to read this way.

Third, you like to give out random information. The earliest example is when you describe Stella's bedroom. While it may only be a single line, it's still way too much. Many people have bookshelves, nightstands and beds in their bedrooms, and since Stella is going to Starlight Academy anyways, I don't assume that the golden mirror is going to be relevant to the story. Your story is filled with this kind of stuff. I'd recommend that if something isn't going to be involved in either plot or world building, then don't overly comment on it.

Those are three ways you can improve the general writing of your story. Now's the part where I talk about story and plot details.

I'm going to assume that your story is based on Harry Potter, correct me if I'm wrong, only that the main character doesn't live under the stairs. I'm not going to say that something so closely based on Harry Potter is a bad idea, there are people that get paid for worse ideas, but if you want your story to stand out, then you have to differentiate it in some way.

About character dynamics between Stella and her friends, I'm going to say I like it. They're not overly stiff with each other and seem to flow rather well. I wasn't able to follow it very well, however, mostly because it's all glomped together.

Overall, while not the best you could probably do, it's a solid start. As long as you're able to develop it away the stereotypical Harry Potter fantasy school story, then you definently got something great.



“A good book isn't written, it's rewritten.”
— Phyllis A. Whitney, Guide to Fiction Writing