This is a really interesting start! Your character's description is very vivid and intriguing, but now keep going ^^
*Forewarning: This piece is still undergoing major construction! Thank you!*
She was about five feet and two inches tall, or short, but that didn't matter. What mattered was the fact that even with Her height, or lack thereof, She held the strength of a full-grown warrior and had a determination of Steel (which was what the trolls of the Western Bridges in Sunblaze had taken to calling Her).
There was nothing that specifically stood out about Her- nothing in Her physical appearance that made Her special. She had dark brown eyes, straight-long black hair, a pale complexion, yet in a full view, She was beautiful.
She had the grace of a tigress and was greatly feared. Men of War trembled at the whisper of Her voice and High Witches screeched at the mention of Her existence. She was the strongest of Her family in both Her simplicity and passion. Her eyes were the window to Her soul, but She also knew how to lock them.
And yet, no one knew Her true name. In Sunblaze She was known by many names, but in the National Realm She was known as Lota the Formidable.
This is a really interesting start! Your character's description is very vivid and intriguing, but now keep going ^^
Hi! Beachbum here! Im not that pro in writing reviews, in fact im actually new here but I'd like to give you my thoughts on what you wrote.
It's actually interesting, your story I mean and I'd love to read your next posts on this. Comparing grace to a doe though didn't really fit. Another animal maybe? Can't think of one to suggest right now but im sure theres one out there. I understand that you meant to use the doe because of how theyre innocent and usually the prey instead of the predator, but I think it would be better to choose a less clumsy and weak animal. Anyway, other than that, you should continue posting. Id love to know more about the character especially since witches screech at the mention of her existence. If witches fear her, then this must be one interesting character
Hey there! Welcome to YWS! I hope you'll enjoy your stay here, Hiraeth here for a review! Before I dive into the review I just want to comment on what you've posted here. It seems that you've given us a snippet rather than the entire story, or rather what seems to be summary of the story you're either about to write or have written. Instead of doing this, you could post this on your profile and you don't have to waste 200 points.
The one thing that stood out to me was how heavy the description was here. Most of the descriptions are ordinary and they aren't bad but they don't really add emotion to the piece. What I ask you is this, are all these descriptions essential to the piece? Can you convey it in shorter words, if you can then do so. The second paragraph seems to be conveying the same message that she was very powerful, powerful than most men. She was beautiful and innocent but she could be fierce and ferocious as well.
She had the grace of a doe and a mist of innocence blanketed around Her, but She was also greatly feared; Her eyes could blaze with a fire hot enough to melt titanium and could freeze with ice that could turn anyone into a sculpture.
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