-Sleep-
Rest your head my good friend
For in your dreams the fun won't end
Until the morning comes again
And you'll feel content all through the night
For your dreams will be your candle light
The light that guides you through your sleep
To far off lands, or familiar streets
And when you wake a new day waits
For you, my friend, it's yours to take
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,610 Literary Works • 672,180 Reviews
You're new huh? so welcome to YWS. Well you're new but older than me so anyway I'm gonna review. Your poem had meaning in it but it lacked a rhyme. I know that there are rhyming words but IDK if it's my mood or your poem but it kinda felt plain to me.
"For your dreams will be your candle light
The light that guides you through your sleep"
The word 'light' again seems a bit weird there. Using some other synonyms of light would be advisable. Rather that describing 'sleep' u described a 'friend' in sleep or is 'sleep' the 'friend'? Okay forget I even said that. Anyway good poem keep up the good work. If you can check out some of my works and review.
bye
Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.
You repeat the word "light" twice in very close proximity here and it feels a bit repetitive. I think you should keep the first one and replace the second one with words like "gleam" or "shine".First off, I'd like to welcome you to the site. I hope you enjoy your stay at YWS.
Nit-picks
Grammar and Punctuation
I think there should be a comma between "head" and "my".
Overall thoughts
Theme: I thought that this was a fairly interesting poem with a simple and yet up lifting theme. I think you defiantly could have expanded upon it, for it felt like I'd just started and then the poem finished. I'd expand on the dream part. Dreams are a wonderful thing and come in many different sizes, shapes and colours. Try to broaden that bit of your poem.
Rhythm: Your rhythm was pretty good and I think there was a slight rhymes scheme in the poem, though not a strict one. However, there wasn't any punctuation. Poems need punctuation just as much as stories and not having greatly affects the flow of the poem. Since I'm not the best here's an article on poetry punctuation. https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=152&t=105362
Description: Now for description. Description in poetry is a very important thing. It gives the poem colour and spice. Your however didn't really have that much description. It doesn't need a lot, just a bit to give it flavour. Maybe describe what the candle light looks like for instance. Was it gold, sunset orange, canary yellow? Just think about adding a bit of colour when writing poetry.
Title: Your title, though it connected with your poem perfectly, isn't very interesting. You want the poem to have spice and interest, because it's the only thing persuading your reader to click on your work. Something like for instance would be an interesting title. I'm not saying to use this, I'm just using it as an example.
Overall it was a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.