Young Writers Society

Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

First off, I'd like to welcome you to the site. I hope you enjoy your stay at YWS.

Nit-picks

For your dreams will be your candle light

The light that guides you through your sleep

You repeat the word "light" twice in very close proximity here and it feels a bit repetitive. I think you should keep the first one and replace the second one with words like "gleam" or "shine".

Grammar and Punctuation

Rest your head my good friend

I think there should be a comma between "head" and "my".

Overall thoughts

Theme: I thought that this was a fairly interesting poem with a simple and yet up lifting theme. I think you defiantly could have expanded upon it, for it felt like I'd just started and then the poem finished. I'd expand on the dream part. Dreams are a wonderful thing and come in many different sizes, shapes and colours. Try to broaden that bit of your poem.

Rhythm: Your rhythm was pretty good and I think there was a slight rhymes scheme in the poem, though not a strict one. However, there wasn't any punctuation. Poems need punctuation just as much as stories and not having greatly affects the flow of the poem. Since I'm not the best here's an article on poetry punctuation. https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=152&t=105362

Description: Now for description. Description in poetry is a very important thing. It gives the poem colour and spice. Your however didn't really have that much description. It doesn't need a lot, just a bit to give it flavour. Maybe describe what the candle light looks like for instance. Was it gold, sunset orange, canary yellow? Just think about adding a bit of colour when writing poetry.

Title: Your title, though it connected with your poem perfectly, isn't very interesting. You want the poem to have spice and interest, because it's the only thing persuading your reader to click on your work. Something like

The Essence of Sleep

for instance would be an interesting title. I'm not saying to use this, I'm just using it as an example.

Overall it was a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

Your friend, Felistia.