Okay i have read all the ones you've uploaded
It does not in my view become less baffling.
No mean to be rude... but you really should review some books on how to structure proper short stories/right language/vocab.
This story completely baffled me. I'm sorry but i gave up. To me the character speaking is a web nerd with no friends because that is one strange character. You haven't structured the story to any kind of introduction, or developed the characters very well, i'm afraid. It had interesting language though.
With work i am sure you can be a great writer but you come across as somebody who knows a heap about web mumbo-jumbo and just splurt it onto the page. Nothing wrong with that but there are better ways to achieve a great story without cluttering it and jumbling it like you've done - have you edited?
editing is key.
I'm translates to I am and you used it twice i saw where it should've been am I not I am.
Alien's. It's been mentioned above ^^ about the 's
You could make the MC a very interesting character by italicizing italicizing the thoughts he thinks in his head then have him repeat them out loud ... he doesn't realise he is... ? Just a random thought. That person, the gender of i do not know... has come across as weird and half psyco to me!! Sorry.
!!! ??? NEVER do that! It comes across poorly and does the opposite of what i am sure you were aiming for.
I am sorry i cannot say anything better - we all start somewhere. Keep trying, you'll get there one day
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Reviews: 135
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