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Short Play: Suffering

by Emma


Its raining, the rain drops are falling like crystals, Evna and Luke are sitting on the wall near their school

Evna:

The rain may fall like the tears on our faces, but we will never stay inside to never breathe in the odour that we live in.

Luke:

What the hell are you talking about? You know our lifes suck. Nothing has gone right since our mother died. Do you not feel pain inside you anymore?

Evna

I-I don't understand you Luke, why do you feel pitty? We may live under tough times, we may have lived in worse. Why be so angry with god?

Luke spits on the wet, dirty ground and wipes his sorrow face, then stares at his sister

Luke:

I don't believe in god no more. Don't you remember how our mother died? Blood everywhere.. her mouth open calling the words to live! And your sitting there like you don't even care!

Evna:

How do you not believe in god? He has spent his time to look after us. Make sure our mother brings food on the plate. It had to happen. She was cursed.

Luke:

But had she done anything wrong? No.

They sit there in silence, unable to speak. Their mum had been murdered, all that stuck in their minds was her face, beautiful but lifeless. This endless question that they would never know the answer to. Why is there suffering?


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Wed Mar 16, 2005 4:46 pm
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Lollipop says...



It's good but it is a little short.SORRY i'm being to harsh! :cry:




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Fri Jan 28, 2005 11:00 pm
Emma says...



OKay sorry, Im the one in the crap mood.

Thank you for ur reply. I will use this constructive crit and turn it into compliments for my next work! Sorry its just for once I want someone to say they like my work like everyone else's. How come I never see any mistakes when I look at others?

Oh well...I cant read anyhow! :P




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Fri Jan 28, 2005 10:37 pm
Firestarter says...



Your attitude betrays you.

You say you can't be bothered writing long plays, but then complain than you think your work is crap!

You do realise that if all people gave you was praise, you'd never improve your work?

Perhaps if you looked at what I said, looked at your work, you might realise I'm trying to help you improve your work. I'm not slagging your work off in any shape or form.

Why do you post here if you don't want improvements? Do you post here just for them to love your work?

And when did I say I didn't like it?




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Fri Jan 28, 2005 10:33 pm
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Emma says...



They are like posh kids. I cant be arsed writing long plays. And I didnt know people could be arsed to actullay read the blooming thing. So thanks.

Am I EVER going to get a reply saying that actullay liked my work? Full stop?!

Soz, I am angry, I feel like my work is crap.




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Fri Jan 28, 2005 10:29 pm
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Firestarter wrote a review...



The problems I have with this is:

1) The dialogue in some parts sounds unnatural. Try reading parts out to yourself an you'll see where it sounds weird. This does not seems like a conversation between siblings.

2) Too short to understand or connect with. You say it's a short play, but this is a short scene. A very short scene.




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Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:15 pm
Green Monkey says...



Cool... Well written. But you spelt Pity wrong!
Also, it seemed kind of short. It needs more in order to be a pley (at least thats what i think!). :):):):)





The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee; my heart is at your festival.
— William Shakespeare