The importance of becoming a Narcissist

Hey Emm!

I'm back again!

So I liked that you switched up the point of view. It gives the reader a chance to get to know Leo a little better as I'm guessing, and I could be wrong, that he's eventually going to like April. I mean, he can't hate her that much without secretly liking her

I did pick up on a couple of things -

'The small cast and crew had gathered in a small circle backstage' - Having 'small' twice in one sentence is a little repetitive. Maybe try replacing the second 'small' with 'cosy' of you could even cut the adjective completely.

'Ugh. Can’t she go play Nazi somewhere else? Preferably somewhere far. The moon sounds nice.' - The whole of the piece is in past tense, but every now and again, mostly during the parts where Leo seems to be talking to himself in his thoughts, you switch to present tense. You can fix this in one of two ways. Either turn his thoughts into italics, so you can keep them in present tense and the reader knows that they're his thoughts. Or, you can simply put them in past tense to keep them in line with the story. I'd be inclined to go with the first option, but this is your story, and if that doesn't fit with your writing style, then you can go with the latter.

I think Leo's still going to be a character that I'm going to love to hate. The part where he cries out about his expensive jumper had me rolling my eyes. I dislike people who splash their cash on stupid things, like an overly expensive jumper, but then his sarcasm and wit made me smile. He's an interesting character who's interesting to read.

I loved how you had Leo refer to April as 'it' for the first couple of paragraphs. I'd guessed that April was 'it' but it's another subtle way to show how much Leo dislikes her.

Having him interested in another girl is good too. It throws the reader off the scent where his relationship with April is concerned. And, I mean, this is only the first chapter. A believable relationship has got to blossom to be great. It can't just spring from nowhere. There's got to be signs and feelings and glances

Of course, he and April might never end up together, but the fact that you've got me wanting them to be together is great. It shows that you're able to make the reader feel for the characters. Even if Leo and April both come across as a bit up themselves.

I hope this helps and, like last time, if you have any questions post on my wall

xDudettex