Young Writers Society

Hello!

Your imagery in this poem was really smooth like the "soul like a sponge" one and the bath metaphor. Also, kind of random, but your name is really unique in the way it's spelled. I mean, I've never met an "Emilee" before. So like your name is awesome.

I would agree with the other reviewers in the "show not tell" thing. Which, of course, I know, can be very annoying to do sometimes. But I believe your ideas would be conveyed a lot better. I know you can do it, especially with the metaphors you've used, I can tell you're at least a decent writer.

I really liked the middle of this poem, I believe the prime focus of critique in this poem is found in the first 2 lines and the last 2 lines. You didn't rhyme the entire poem, but did at the end. This messed up the flow and made it read a little weird.

Anyways- Really good thoughts, but they need to be conveyed differently. As always, keep writing!

-Daria

Hey Emilee!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here.to give you a review! Let's get started, now, shall we? Alright!

Mind you, I am on a phone, and since phones are annoying to use, and make me look like I don't know my spelling, so know that of there are any weird words or punctuation, it's the phone's fault, not mine.

Okay, so this is an interesting poem. A name one. Very unique, indeed!

I would suggest adding more to the poem, and like @yellow said, maybe show us more that telling us, and that would help deepen the meaning of your poem (which is excellent, by the way). And I can definitely see this poem lengthening in the best of ways.

Alright, I'm done with my review, and I hope it helped in some way. Again, this was a delight to read. Of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty

hello! yellow here with a review.

i’d like to preface that i have not written a review in quite a while, so take everything with a grain of salt!

i really enjoyed this idea! it’s a great piece to show who you are as a person. i enjoyed your basis and your topic.

one thing i would like to comment on is your second line. this poked out to me instantly. you use the words “striving, rival, and practical,” but they aren’t in the same tense. parallel structure is making these adjectives into the same tense, so either changing them to have an -ing ending or an -al ending.

what i’d love to see from this is a lot more. like i said, you have a great basis and a fantastic starting point, but you can always add onto this. instead of telling us, why not showing us? telling us is just telling your name and what it means, but showing us involves the use of literary devices, just as metaphors and comparisons. with this, it can show us and uncover a deeper meaning to your poem and it can be easier for the reader to understand. your goal is to create a vivid picture. you can also use heavy and descriptive words that add more fluff to the piece and punch us with lots of imagery.

something else you can do is to also delve into the topic more. show us more layers. don’t just scratch the surface! ask yourself critical questions, like why your name means “striving, rival, and practical” or why does it feel like a warm bath or why did it teach you never to look back. you even touch on your past self when you were 5 years old. show us more about that!

overall, this is a fantastic start! this has extremely great potential. once again, please take this with a grain of salt. i hope to see more of your work!

-yellow