Purple Eyes

by EmiAnne

Published March 24, 2010

She laughed, tossing her hair a bit. Dayton saw the colour of her eyes for the first time- they were purple, like a flower or the perfect cake icing. And in the center, like a tie-dyed star-burst, was a blue like the first tendrils of the morning. He lost his train of thought for a moment…

okay, so I was reviewing my NaNoWriMo piece for the first time in... many months. I figured that this was an all-or-nothing kind of thing. Either it was an amazing description or it would be a horrible description. But... I can't quite figure out if this is a horrible thing or a wonderful thing. This advice would help me so much when I'm reviewing my NaNo, so please tell me if it's good or not. :smt003 ...please?

Comments & reviews · 2
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BondGirl007
Review
BondGirl007 wrote a review Review · Apr 2, 2010

Hey EmiAnne! You need some more reviews on here, so Hope to the rescue! :D

I think it sounds pretty good. I don't know what context it's in so it makes it a little harder to tell if it fits, but I think it sounds fine. The only thing I would change is the part about the cake icing part. When I think of cakes I think of chocolate brown, not purple.

Good luck with the editing!

~Hope

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julide Comment
julide commented Comment · Mar 24, 2010

I say good, it gave me a lovely feeling.



Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.
— Lyndon B. Johnson