Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Fuck. I hate it when it goes over the good ones - my shoes that is. Claret's a tricky substance to keep track of. It's evidence. It's life. It's death. Most importantly it's mine and it's staying that way. Sharing the story with you is something I've been looking forward to, because I know you want to hear it.
My name is... ABCD. It's a good a name as any, even if you don't know how to pronounce it, which doesn't matter. About a year ago I found out about my addiction. For the first few months I tried to control it, but only failed. That was when I realised it didn't need to be controlled - it wasn't even meant to be controlled. Indulge. The alternate coping mechanism that those professionals never tell you about - "because it's bad for you." Hell with them and that and their advice. It's time to get real. And real means having the ability to take fun when it's thrown at you. Which is precisely what I'm doing at this moment.
Now you can be scientific about it. For example, the first time you quarter a body, it can get a little bit, shall we say squeamish? Sinking a knife into the flesh of a fellow human should repulse you, make you vomit and all that "normal" stuff. However, I find, gearing your brain to believe you're just sitting down to another chicken roast works in preventing adverse reactions, all that ill feeling.
So once you've got the tender chicken beneath you, and your tools assembled -knives and the like- then you must remember the sauce. Tomato ketchup is essential to this dish. In fact, it is more important than the meat itself. You don't eat meat when you're a Goblin, you just don't do it. Now you're wondering what a Goblin is. I'm not going to tell you about that. Not only because I can't, also because it's none of your business. Or at least not yet. I'm not some sort of weird ab-human creature if that's what you're thinking. I don't sparkle in the sunlight either.
I just love a bit of claret, it's an important part of my diet you know. It's just... delicious, visceral, sharp, visceral, delectable, visceral; oh and did I mention visceral? Well excuse me, dinner's ready.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi there! Very interesting piece, the description fits it nicely ;D
Anyway, my humble ponderings...
"Fuck."
-Fantastic opener.
"I hate it when it goes over the good ones - my shoes that is."
-This line sort of confused me. I know what your saying but there may be a better way to word this.
"Claret's a tricky substance to keep track of. It's evidence. It's life. It's death. Most importantly it's mine and it's staying that way."
-This part also got me a little, not sure exactly what you're trying to say here.
"Sharing the story with you is something I've been looking forward to, because I know you want to hear it."
-Sparks my interest, well done ^.^
"Hell with them and that and their advice."
-Normally, as a huge fan of commas, I would reccomend adding some here, but I love the speed and choppiness of this line, it's very cool
"And real means having the ability to take fun when it's thrown at you. Which is precisely what I'm doing at this moment."
-Here's me being an annoying grammar nitpicker, these two sentences should probably be combined into one, as they are both talking about the same thought.
"Now you can be scientific about it."
-This line feels a little out of place. The rest of the paragraph is awesome in its disturbing descriptiveness, but seems to spin off in a completely different direction from this line.
I do really love your comparison of eating a human to eating a chicken dinner.
"You don't eat meat when you're a Goblin, you just don't do it. Now you're wondering what a Goblin is. I'm not going to tell you about that. Not only because I can't, also because it's none of your business. Or at least not yet. I'm not some sort of weird ab-human creature if that's what you're thinking. I don't sparkle in the sunlight either."
-This part again feel completely out of the blue, although I do enjoy the frantic nature of it, especially the "at least not yet" part. Makes me feel like there's something hiding, and it makes me want to know what it is.
I like your ending, it's a cool way to interrupt your thoughts and conclude the piece, although I'm not sure how the claret comes back into relevance, it sort of disappeared after the first paragraph.
Overall, this is a very confusing, yet still very intriguing piece. I feel like I am listening to a very sporadic and quirky character that I want to know more about. With a little bit of thought-collecting, this could actually turn out to be a really rivteing direction.
Thank you.
That was a lovely and helpful review.
Wow, I really do like this. I thought that it was beautifully scripted and it was so mature. I absolutely loved it. But as always I must point out a few nitpicks...
First, I got a little confused in the middle of it. I don't know if it was just me or what but I had to re-read the text a few times to understand what you were saying. Maybe you or someone else can read through it and then you can tell me what you think.
Second, The overall content was confusing to me, It was beautiful, don't get me wrong but in certain places I couldn't tell what you were trying to day.
Anyways, I love it and I think that it is amazing. Good job and good luck, continue writing.
Thank you for the review.
I'll keep your points in mind.