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Phoenix

by Em16




We were in a little clearing
At the height of the Appalachians
Just returned from a four-day hike
With God and ourselves.

It was a special moment for me
Snow in July
Bits of fairy dust blowing
And covering the dirt and brown leaves.

For me, those brown leaves
Were my inhibitions, insecurities
That were always there
No matter how hard
I tried to chase them away.

But in those four days
I had walked far enough
To leave them behind
And, now, in the light of the campfire
I felt my inhibitions melt forever
In the fire of friendship.

A friendship that soaked me
To the bones, like the downpour
We had walked through
Together
A friendship as strong
As the currents
We had waded through
Together
A friendship as sweet
As the pop-tarts, Oreos
and Jolly Ranchers we had eaten
Together.

I was determined to rise
From the ashes of isolation
Like a phoenix,
Borne up by the winds
Of love.
My black feathers,
Full of stuttering silence
And lonely seats in the corner
Would change color
Until I was a fiery sunset
As beautiful as you.

And for a moment there,
I was a phoenix.
But my red feathers turned black again
As soon as we got in the van
And went home.

I went looking for it, for me,
For that space and time
Where everything had been clearer
Than the view from the mountain.

I crossed borders
I flew through thunderstorms
I swam across oceans
Trying to find you
Find our friendship
Somewhere between Virginia
And the Chesapeake, it got lost,
But I was hoping we could find it again,
We could start a new fire
Bigger than the last.

But checking the lost and found
Is no use
If your necklace was stolen.

You had gone off
To another mountain
Built a bonfire with someone new
Using all your memories of me
As fuel.

The roar of your new fire
Drowned out my cries
And it was too dark
For you to see anyone
But them.

I watched you for a long time
Waiting for- I didn’t know what.
The break of day?
I knew when the rays
Would illuminate my figure
You’d realize your mistake
In leaving me behind.
But it hadn’t been a mistake.

That was a while ago, now.
It’d been months since the funeral
Where I mourned you, my creation
The strangers I imagined
Were my friends.
I buried the ashes
With those of that long-ago campfire.

The ashes of you,
My shining star
Who crashed and burned
All over my heart
My bridge
Just waiting to crumble
As soon as I took a single step.

You were my prince
But I waited long enough for you.

Now I’ve washed off the makeup
Cut the dress up for scraps
Use the golden tiara
As a coat hanger.

I laugh when I see you
Laugh at your foolishness
To choose pearls over gold
Because gold
Is what I am.

I am a rainbow
That never goes away
The only sliver of moonlight
On a cloudy night.
I am beautiful
But you’ll never see that.

Turns out, I was a phoenix
All along.
It just took getting my heart burnt

To see it.


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User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 139
Reviews: 19

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Thu Aug 29, 2019 2:02 am
kaceymackwriter wrote a review...



Your exquisite use of imagery and detail has painted an amazing picture throughout this piece!! Every word draws me in more and more and by the end, I was in awe! I can see the strength and the fire and the fighting spirit that lives in this poem. You've taken free verse poetry to a level that I really have not seen before in which you gave your words power beyond rhythm and rhyme and therefore made the message all the more meaningful. There is the sense of pride here in the way you reprimand those who've hurt you for not seeing your value and while some may view it as self-centered, I see it as empowering. Because like a phoenix, when you've been burned to nothing, you rise from the ashes shining and more beautiful than ever because you survived and you found strength in the pain. It's an empowering message for those who've been hurt in the way that you describe, the idea that you can get back up stronger than when you went down and you can love yourself even when those you loved didn't love you back. All in all, it's just an extremely important message and you did a fantastic job of portraying it! Well done!




Em16 says...


Thank you!!



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109 Reviews


Points: 11267
Reviews: 109

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Tue Aug 27, 2019 1:37 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...



Don’t take me wrong.. your poem completely demoralized me when I saw it’s length. At least you had the grace to make stanzas. It makes it airy. But it’s just as long.
Sooo
Lovely extended metaphors for each stanzas.
Brown leaves for insecurities, the fire of friendship as a campfire (although you don’t describe it just as much) again friendship being
-a downpour
-currents
And one just as sweet as pop tarts, Oreos.. even though it’s not that poetic, we get the image. Honey would’ve been poetic, but Oreos were more familiar. That use of language gives this little style to your poem.
I absolutely love how you end.
Even though there is a certain.. I dunno.. pride, in saying that you are beautiful. That you are golden. But it’s a way of saying, you’ve hurt me, but I am over it now. So I guess it’s fine. The transition of your happy relation to her breaking your heart to you rebirting to you starting again out of your ashes- great. Fantastic. You also master the use of short sentences to inspire pain, depression, and the use of longer more descriptive ones to inspire serenity or rigidness. Maybe rhymes would’ve been nice, with one that’s gone awry all throughout the more painful parts of the poem. And maybe shorten the first verses although if you’re motivated to read it all, it’s fine.. I guess..
so yeah



Pretty good poem overall. Long. But lovely.




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31 Reviews


Points: 91
Reviews: 31

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Mon Aug 26, 2019 7:51 pm
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



I love how incredibly detailed and deep this poem is! This poem honestly feels very empowered like you have truly overcome the event described in this poem. I love the depth and emotions in this poem and how you describe the satisfying feeling of feeling control and of knowing yourself and the overall confidence you feel. I really love the powerful words and adjectives to describe those feelings, I can see you have a good start for a poem vocabulary! The only thing I wanted to point out that stuck out to me is that some of the lines rhymes and some don't? I don't know if this was intentional or not or if you were trying to mix rhymes and non-rhymes but I kind of feel like this would work better as a rhyming poem? You don't have to change it but still. Anyway, keep writing! :)





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