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Knighting ceremony for Kal

by Elspeth


-Kal is a 20 year old girl here and no one knows she is a girl. She has spent the last 5 years as a squire and servant to Prince Aidan. Through out the 5 years Aidan has befriended a small group of 7 knights that figure out Kal's secret but say nothing. After 3.5 years of taking crap from Aidan and saving him a few times Kal earns the official title of Squire. Within the next 1.5 years Aidan finds out Kal's secret and Kal finds out the others knew. Aidan becomes King and a month after crowning a war breaks out. Aidan gives the emblem of Brenmawr to Kal (a symbol of knighthood) and this is their private conversation for Kal's knighting ceremony.

"Will you always defend those who need you?”

“Until my last breath.”

“Will you always speak of truth.” Kal’s heart skipped

“I shall sir.”

“Will you be loyal to your king.”

“Until the day you are not honorable to your people.”

“Will you in courage charity upon the rich, even with the cost of your title.”

“I shall, even with the cost of my life.” Aidan shuttered for a moment with the thought of Kal dying.

“When on a quest you will never avoid the enemy out of fear nor remove armor except for sleep.”

“I promise to fight full heartedly and never be caught off guard.”

“Will you fight for you kingdom in tournament and in battle.”

“As long as the sun still rises.”

“Upon imprisonment you will not speak of the kingdom and not seek revenge afterward.”

“As long as I am the only one injured, I shall keep Brenmawr’s trades and secrets within my mind.”

“From returning home after a journey or quest you will share in you journeys as though no one was with you to witness themselves.”

“I will always speak of my travels to those of this kingdom.”

“Then as king of Brenmawr, I Aidan Diarmid Ewan Abimelech dub thou high knight of Brenmawr and second knight to the king” Aidan watched as Kalina stood and looked into his eyes. He could not believe the 'boy' who threatened his life because of a simple act stood before him, not just a knight but his knight. And that was some he could smile at, something he could happily die knowing.

-This is the last part of the book. Although the two show romantic feelings for each other in the entire story the two never hit it of. With this as an ending I want to know if you would want another book


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Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:54 pm
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Elspeth says...



Thanks for all the help guys/girls I will fix it up and write some more on these two. Also sorry about giving a possible ending away. I wasn't sure if it would make a good pause point or not. Also you can read about Kal and Aidan along with a lot of other interesting and high spirited characters from their story at textnovel.com - A Knight of Courage by Elspeth.

Thanks again:)




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Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:14 pm
emjayc wrote a review...



I haven't read anything else by you yet, but I liked this :) I like medieval stuff a lot. I liked your dialogue, but there were many grammatical mistakes.
I'll point out a few things I would change:

Until the day you are not honorable to your people.

I don't like the wording "not honorable". I bet you could find something better to say the same thing.
You also need to use question marks.

“I shall, even with the cost of my life.” Aidan shuttered for a moment with the thought of Kal dying.

The statement about Aidan should be a separate paragraph because in this one it doesn't make sense since Kal is speaking.
I would be interested to see what else you have about these characters :)




Elspeth says...


I looked up how knighting ceremonies where done back then so it does read a little weird I may fix it though - since a few people pointed it out. Thanks for your help:)

O and if you like the couple I have their story on textnovel.com under A Knight of Courage by Elspeth.



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Fri Oct 18, 2013 5:17 am
barefootrunner wrote a review...



Hi there! A quick review for you! :)

I spotted numerous grammar errors throughout this piece, for example:

“Will you always speak of truth.” Kal’s heart skipped

“I shall sir.”

should be …
"Will you always speak the truth?"
Kal's heart skipped. "I shall, sir."

“Will you in courage charity upon the rich, even with the cost of your title.”

should be …
"Will you encourage the rich to charity, even at the cost of your title?"

“Then as king of Brenmawr, I Aidan Diarmid Ewan Abimelech dub thou high knight of Brenmawr and second knight to the king” Aidan watched as Kalina stood and looked into his eyes.

should be …
"Then, as king of Brenmawr, I, Aidan Diarmid Ewan Abimelech, doth dub thee High Knight of Brenmawr and second knight to the king." Aidan watched as Kalina stood and looked into his eyes.

… and so forth. You need to brush up on your punctuation especially.

I like the dynamics between Kalina and the king—the relationship you've built is multifaceted and rounded.

This seems unfinished. Kalina's journey is only about to begin. Any reader who has fallen in love with her will want to see more! Write a sequel which tests their trust and strength to the utmost. I would most certainly read it.

Good going!

barefoot




Elspeth says...


Thank you - i know my grammar is bad, have to fix it. And these to start by hating one another so the first part is getting to this point. I want to make the story continue. So thanks



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Thu Oct 17, 2013 9:14 am
Caesar wrote a review...



Why even bother showing us the end, without everything else? It defeats the point of... pretty much anything I can think of. I can't really express preference for a book if I don't know anything. A short summary isn't going to cut it. I don't feel attached to any of these characters, the epic ending is lost on me. Post a chapter or three, this isn't going to get you anywhere.

That said, this is in the green room, so I'd best help clear it out.

There is a distinct lack of punctuation marks here.

“Will you always speak of truth.” Kal’s heart skipped - needs a question mark, and possibly needs a 'beat' after that. Further, speaking of truth is not correct. Speaking of the truth is, or simply 'will you always speak truth'. Needs a question mark too.

"“Will you be loyal to your king." needs a question mark. Without it I always think of a very deadpan or rhetoric question, not a solemn oath.

The question mark goes for pretty much every question the king asks actually. Overall it's an ok speech, nothing special. See above for my thoughts on this.

Cheers
-Ita




Elspeth says...


the story is on textnovel.com under A Knight of Courage by Elspeth. sorry about giving away part of it.




When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.
— Dean Jackson