A poem

by Ellie

Published October 12, 2007

Miss was at the blackboard writing with her chalk, when suddenly she stooped in the middle of her talk.
She snapped her fingers-snap!snap!snap!
pay attention, children, and i'll tell you how to rap.

She picked up a pencil, she started to tap.
All together children, now, clap!clap!clap!
Just get the rythem just get the rhymejust get the beat.
Drum it with you fingers, stamp it with your feet.

Comments & reviews · 5
melodicatastrophe commented Comment · Oct 18, 2007

I really liked this. It was quick-paced and cute, although it needs a bit of editing for grammar and punctuation.

Mel

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Emerson
Review
Emerson wrote a review Review · Oct 17, 2007

It's... cute. But it isn't really poetry. This might be lyrics, but poetry [to me, and to others I am sure] has more behind it than words. It has a meaning, and emotions, and something I can feel. It wasn't bad, it's just not what I would call poetry.

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Lee-chan Review
Lee-chan wrote a review Review · Oct 14, 2007

Those above me have already corrected your punctuation and grammar and spelling and such, so there isn't much of a need for me to comment on that. But I can say that I did enjoy it!

It was fast paced and had me wanting to read the next few words immediately. I just wish it was a bit longer. I really like it!

Keep on writin',

Lee-chan

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Wesley
Review
Wesley wrote a review Review · Oct 12, 2007

I think Kitty picked up most of the errors I saw. But the over all is fun and fast paced but I think it could be longer maybe. Anyway Good Job!

Wesley's Score: :elephant: for the rapping teacher and an overall score of :smt023 :smt023 1/2 !

P.s Oh yea! :smt040 :elephant: Welcome To YWS!!!!! :elephant: :smt031

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Rydia
Review
Rydia wrote a review Review · Oct 12, 2007

I really like this but I think you need to tidy up your grammar and add a few more stanzas. Here's some changes I'd make -

Miss was at the blackboard writing with her chalk, [I'd have a line break here.] when suddenly she [s]stooped[/s] stopped in the middle of her talk.
She snapped her fingers-snap!snap!snap!
pay attention, children, and [s]i'll[/s] I'll tell you how to rap.

She picked up a pencil, she started to tap.
All together children, now, clap!clap!clap!
Just get the [s]rythem[/s] rhythm, just get the rhymejust [You need a space between rhyme and just and perhaps a comma after just.] get the beat.
Drum it with you fingers, stamp it with your feet.

Overall, I think this is good. It has a catchy, fast paced rhythm, your rhyme is effective and it's very entertaining.



Only the suppressed word is dangerous.
— Ludwig Borne