Young Writers Society

Hey. So you've written this really well. I mean like really, really well. It flows really well.. The rhythm also just goes along with a sort of tone in my head.

"My own kind has turn on me
Just because I died
Doesn't mean I can't
Come back to life"

This was my favorite stanza. The idea of how people just abandon you when you become a little different is the most piercing part of life. And you've really captured the essence of how the person feels then. Brilliant work.

And I also really enjoyed the last stanza. The expression here great.

This a very well written piece, my friend. Hats off to you.
Harshita:)

Hello, it's Candrew. For what I just read, you are amazing. Plus your only twelve, you have talent. I don't understand something though. Are you supposed to be a zombie or something like that. You should save this song until your eight-teen, if you do that you could have it published and if this song was published I think it would be a big hit if you get the right person to sing it. I just loved this song! Keep writing and use that talent!

this song is great i loved everything about it.... the rhythm the sentences ...the ideas it was

meaningful ..and my favourite part is the begining ....

Frozen blood, rotting flesh

Six feet under, out of breath

Brought to life by fallen angels

Can't go back, I'm forsaken




and i think it works as a rock song or heavy metal ........y'know somthing noisy .

so keep writing ....cant wait to read more of your works ...

smile

I like it.

You should call it, Ode to Rainbows and Butterflies.

Okay its Neverland here to review your lovely song!!!

I was absolutely amazed when I read this. I was like; I LOVE IT!!!

My mum was cooking dinner and she was a little concerned for my health. I was freaking out. I myself love music, tried writing some at one point, without the lyrics. I was never good at it, except for the amazing parodies me and my friends can’t help but sing at lunch.

You wrote this with a grace and simplicity that intrigued me from the very moment I started reading. You wrote it well, it flows well.

The only problem with it. Though I don’t think you can really class it as a problem, but. We don’t know how the tune goes. We don’t know how it’s sung, with a high voice or low. Or where you drag notes out, or keep them short.

Though is a writing site, not a music site..... So it's not that big of a deal.

Anyway I was glad I clicked this and read it. I also liked how towards the end you used the main chorus more and more. It fitted quite nicely.

You should try writing more lyrics. Even though I haven’t read any of your other work, but if this is any indication to what you capable of. Well let’s just say I can imagine your work being featured soon!!

I can’t wait to read more. Good luck with everything!!!
xx
~Neverland.

Hi, Ellabliss! First I would say that I think that this is a well- written piece. I really did like it. this is more of a comment than a review. Try to puncuate the rest of the stanzas- I can see that the chorus is puncuated. My favourite stanza would be:

"I run and run but I can't run
I limp and limp but that's too slow
Try to get away but I'm afraid
I can't get away cause I've been frozen"

Anyway: I loved your ending. Hope to read more of your work.

- Anshira.