When they flow, rivers sometimes flow fastidiously and nicely, sometimes they flow briskly at a rapid tempo, sometimes they flow at a very slow tempo, sometimes there is a violent storm, sometimes they are overflows and sometimes they dry up and wait for the rain to come again. Many a times people frequently use the cliché “Life is a journey” yes its okay but I for one believes that “life is a cruise.” In each and everyone‘s life sometimes things happen so fastidiously and nicely, sometimes things happen so briskly and sometimes so slowly, sometimes there are violent storms that comes in form of daily challenges that we face in life, sometimes the river dries up and all hope is gone but if we wait patiently, work hard, never lose hope and keep the faith it will rain again and that dried river I tell you it will flow again. Each and everyone knows when their rivers dried up in the past and some of us the rivers we are cruising in are yet to dry up, and some will never dry up, yeah its possible but if they dry up let’s not forget that the next rainy season is on its way. And when the rain has come let’s keep on floating we will get to the sea one of these days and if we do get to the sea let’s not relax, let’s keep on sailing because there are going to be tides in the sea. Just like one of my favourite musicians Emeli Sande has said “if you are too big to follow rivers are you ever gonna find the sea?”
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This essay had a good meaning, but it could be improved in several ways.
1. The title: "criuse" should be spelled "cruise"
2. You have many run-on sentences that make the essay very difficult to interpret because you have too many ideas in one sentence. Try replacing a few commas with periods to begin a new idea.
3. Remember that before you insert a phrase with quotation marks, you should put a comma.
4. Since this is a more formal essay, I would refrain from saying,"yes its okay," and, "yeah."
5. Remember to add commas around something that is added to a sentence to clarify, such as, "Emeli Sande."
6. "Emeli Sande" should be spelled "Emeli Sandé."
7. "Fastidiously" may not be a good choice of words here. It means finicky, fussy, and hard to please. I don't think that is what you were trying to convey.
Otherwise, I liked how you compared life to a river. It created some great imagery. Keep up the good work, just remember to keep sentences at a l
Sorry I posted that before I was ready to. That last sentence should say, "Keep up the good work, just remember to keep sentences a bit shorter and use commas!"
I like how you start; but following on from what Aarica said, there were too many commas for my liking in the first sentence. After the phrase "life is a journey" you say that you 'believes' you can only say that if you said "she believes". (Check the definition of 'fastidiously', I don't think that's what you meant at all; also it doesn't flow.) Having read the whole piece, I think that you need to read it aloud, because in my head I kept having to take breaths in the wrong places and I kept speeding up. See? Try spacing punctuation -other than a comma- in this, and it might flow a bit better.
Last correction; there are tides in the sea. As this is your first post, I hope I wasn't being to hard on you.
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Thanks RandomCollums for the corrections. I will work on the article again
I think you had good intentions for this "inspirational" story, but I feel as though it was rather hard to read, considering there were so many grammatical errors.
I, by all means, am not trying to be stuck up and rude. I really do enjoy helping people with their writing, and that is simply all I am trying to do.
Proof reading is a great habit to form. Please do not let me discourage you with my critisism.
Keep writing, you'll get there.
~Aarica
Thanx AaricaRae for the corrections and the encouragement